Friends and business partners Ulrika Lilja (left) and Claudia Gard (right). (Picture: GoFrendly)
When Ulrika Lilja moved back to Stockholm after years of living in San Francisco, her old friends were nowhere to be found.
Their lives had drifted apart, as lives often do, and the city suddenly felt alien to her, with loneliness creeping in.
‘I found it really frustrating, because there were a lot of things that I wanted to do. I saw people sitting at restaurants and going out doing things, and I felt left out, like I wasn’t a part of the world, somehow,’ she says on this week’s episode of Mentally Yours, Metro.co.uk’s mental health podcast.
‘I mean sure, it’s nice to go out and have a cup of coffee by yourself sometimes, but life is about experiencing it with other people. So without some sort of social setting, you’re not living, really living.’
Ulrika says she feels energised by social interactions, but as someone who identifies as an introvert, she wasn’t likely to meet her new BFF chatting at a bus stop.
So, in 2015, she turned to Facebook in search of likeminded women like her.
It was on a group for female entrepreneurs that she first saw the name Claudia Gard.
Claudia had posted to invite anyone interested to attend an event with her as a plus one, and on a whim, Ulrika replied.
‘I had never responded to a stranger before. I don’t think she’d ever posted to meet strangers in Facebook groups before,’ recalls Ulrika. ‘But I was like, I’m just gonna answer. I don’t know who she is, but I’m going to take a chance.’
Though the pair didn’t end up going to that event, they did meet for lunch, which Ulrika says was ‘nerve-wracking’ at first. But quickly, they hit it off.
‘We were two like minded souls, and we both started sharing a wish to connect with more friends,’ she says.
Claudia shared her idea for an app designed to help women find pals and as Ulrika had a background in tech, it seemed like the perfect fit.
Their very first lunch date turned into an impromptu businesses meeting and later that year, the new friends co-founded GoFrendly, an app for women who want to make platonic connections.
GoFrendly functions like a dating app for mates, suggesting potential matches using AI, based on things like shared interests and life stages. What sets this app apart, says Ulrika, is that it’s entirely based on friendship, unlike others on the market that exist as a friendship function within a dating app.
GoFrendly now has almost 250,000 users, as young as 18 and as old as 86, and following its success in Stockholm, it launched in London this spring.
How to talk to new people
Valentina Dragomir, a psychotherapist and founder of PsihoSensus, shares her tips:
Read people’s body language. It can be helpful to read a person’s body language for clues about whether they’re open to talking. People who are open to talking to you will generally exhibit body language that is relaxed and open. They may make eye contact, smile, or lean in towards you.’
Consider your body language. Make sure your body language is open and inviting. Uncross your arms, make eye contact and smile.
Find a talking point. A good way to open a conversation with a stranger is to comment on their appearance or clothing. You could say something like, “Nice outfit! Where did you get it?” This will help to break the ice and make it easier for both of you to start talking. Then, try to find common ground with the person you want to talk to.
Take a real interest. Be genuine and interested in the person you’re talking to. Listen attentively and ask questions.
Keep in touch. It’s an excellent idea to ask for their number or other means for keeping in touch. However, if the other person doesn’t want to give you their number, that’s okay, too. It might just mean that they’re not interested in making new friends right now.
What has working on the project taught Ulrika about friendship and loneliness?
‘I have discovered that most people experience loneliness at some point in life. And that a lot of people experience loneliness, despite being surrounded by family and lots of friends,’ she says. ‘They might not have that special person to share one life situation that is important for you right now.
‘We have members going through IVF looking to find groups and other people to share that experience with, or members who are single at the time when all their friends are married, so they want to connect with a group of single women in the same area.
‘So it doesn’t necessarily have to have to be that loneliness is because you don’t have anyone in life, it’s really about not having the right people at a specific time in life.’
Check out this week’s episode of Mentally Yours to hear more of Ulrika and Claudia’s story.
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How does an introvert make new friends? Ulrika Lilja says she’s found the answer.