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Colin started using tracking after he received an emergency alert (Photo: Colin Watkins)
Welcome back to How I Parent, where we get a glimpse into how the nation is raising their kids.
Colin Watkins, 45 from Streatham, South London, knows where his children are at all times.
The dad, who shares three children, aged 12, 10 and four with his long-term girlfriend Jen, insists the kids use a tracking app when they’re not in his sight, insisting it actually gives them more independence.
Colin was initially quite reluctant to get a phone for his eldest daughter, Evelyn. But, when all her friends started using them, he finally caved and bought her an iPhone in Year 6.
Soon after this, on a school morning, he received an emergency alert from her new phone.
‘I was trying to ring but couldn’t get through, and I didn’t really know any of her school friends to communicate if she was indeed at school,’ Colin says.
‘My first thought was, she’s been knocked off her bike which she rides to school, or she is unconscious, kidnapped. All the worst things that can go through a parent’s mind made me panic.
‘Luckily the school went and found her in class with her phone in her bag. The weight of her bag had accidentally pushed the two side buttons. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared.
‘And while it was not as bad as I’d envisaged, I said we can’t have this again.’
If his children are stuck Colin can see their location wherever they are (Photo: CW Own)
The family began discussing ways that they could all stay in touch and one of Evelyn’s friends mentioned the app Life 360, which her friends always use when on their bikes.
The app helps parents track their kids on a map at all times to pinpoint exactly where they are, even if they don’t know themselves. It also has crash and disaster tracking to alert parents if something may have happened.
With children tracking apps frequently shared in the news, debate tends to circulate around whether this tech is needed for safety, or simply hinders a child’s ability to make safe choices in the long term.
Colin doesn’t care if other parents think it’s strange tracking his children, sharing: ‘There is a stereotype that parents who track their kids are overbearing and “one of those parents”, but the truth with us is that we only need it in an emergency.’
He also believes it acts as a failsafe in his life.
‘If I’m challenged by a parent about trust or being intrusive with a child’s privacy I have a simple answer, “get over it”,’ he says. ‘I’d rather have it and for them to be safe, than not have it and them end up in trouble.’
He explains that at the beginning he wasn’t sure how Life 360 worked.
‘I wasn’t really that familiar with what it could do, but I decided to give it a try as it has an exact location to find my daughter,’ Colin recalls.
It soon turned out to be more useful than he envisaged.
‘There’s a bit of a dodgy underpass which I don’t like to go into, but my daughter called me to tell me her bike chain had broken,’ he tells Metro.
‘As it’s off a main street that she didn’t know, I was able to locate her quickly.’
For Colin, being able to track his children offers peace of mind and he has no plans on stopping for his 10-year-old daughter, Elizabeth, who started secondary school this autumn.
‘It’s been most useful when one of them has said they are on their way home and we can see how far away they are,’ he says.
Colin is well aware the girls might ‘rebel’ and turn the app off at some point though, adding: ‘I’m sure something like this will happen, but hopefully because it’s shown how useful it is many times before, they will see its value, and it will become second nature.
‘It’s a personal choice and one we discussed with our daughters first,’
Two of Colin’s children now use the 360 app (Photo: CW Own)
More generally, he’s keen to ensure the kids are clued up about the potential risks of tech.
‘My middle daughter, Elizabeth, is always getting requests from people in WhatsApp groups and she has no idea who they are,’ he says.
‘I tell her you don’t even need to say no or give an explanation. If somebody randomly gets in touch with you, just ignore it.
‘You don’t need to give an excuse and hopefully, with my two girls, they’ve been brought up to understand that.’
Part of his worry is that the world is ‘a lot different’ from when he was younger, but he believes tracking apps offer a layer of protection that didn’t exist in his day.
‘When I was younger, we were told to watch out for men with vans and packets of sweets, and the occasional Public Information films were shown on the TV,’ he says. ‘Whereas now I think kids grow up a lot quicker.’
Though the app runs permanently in the background, Colin says he’s ‘not monitoring it 24/7’ and really, it’s not as invasive as some think.
‘I’m in that period of life where I’m switching from being a taxi driver and taking them around to clubs to now they are getting older and becoming more independent,’ he says.
‘I have had my own back and forth with myself, questioning whether would I have liked it as a kid, but there weren’t mobile phones back then.
‘If my eldest wants to go into town with her friends, which she has never been able to do before, I know she’s fine. It’s that element of trust, which is reliable with tracking.’
There’s no getting away from tech, adds Colin, so this is the solution that works best for his family.
‘She’s still my little girl so it would be hypocritical of me to say you can’t have a phone, as I’m always on mine,’ he admits.
‘Why would you not want that security of knowing should something happen?’
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She proved the doubters wrong
‘You might be surprised by how understanding others can be…’
‘Shout out to all the solo parents, we’re bloody fantastic.’
From break ups to make ups.
‘I felt an utter failure as I couldn’t manage to do something so basic as feed my child.’
‘If you start letting him exclude your son he will think it’s okay and continue pushing that boundary.’
What would you do? (Picture: Metro.co.uk)
When you shack up with someone who has children, you’re gaining more than a new relationship. But what happens if you butt heads with their brood?
This week, we hear from a reader who can’t stand his wife’s ‘lazy, selfish’ adult son. So much so, that’s he’s given her an ultimatum: either the son moves out or he does.
It is a recipe for disaster? Read the advice below.
Before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, where a husband was using his lovechild to justify his ongoing affair.
The problem…
I found love late in life six years ago, when I fell for the barmaid at our local golf club. She already had a teenage son, who seemed nice enough on the rare occasions I saw him.
When we married two years ago, I moved into her place as she didn’t want to disrupt the boy’s schooling. That was when I realised what a lazy, selfish layabout he is, though things were bearable while he was still in education.
This summer he left school and now stays in bed till lunchtime most days. He has no plans to go to university or work, and rather than contribute financially, my wife actually still gives him pocket money.
He brings his friends home at all hours and plays music that wakes us up. Believe it or not, she will actually make him and his friends egg and chips at three in the morning, so they all think she’s the mum of the century. I’ve tried telling her she spoils him, but her view is that he’s only young and enjoying himself while he has no responsibilities.
Our sex life has fizzled to nothing as I’ve started sleeping in a separate room, so I’m not disturbed when she gets up to cook for him.
I don’t want to give up on my marriage so soon, but I’ve reached the point where either he goes, or I do.
Laura says…
You may disapprove of how your wife treats her son, but trying to lay down the law is likely to unite them against you. After all, they were a unit before you came along and probably have a very strong bond. Perhaps as a single parent she centred her life around him, without realising this was encouraging him to be selfish.
Nevertheless, this is your home too, and as you are presumably sharing the expenses, you’re entitled to expect certain rights.
Your stepson won’t live to your rules just because you married his mum, so try instead to gain his friendship and respect. Take him out for a drink and encourage him to talk about his view of the world. He may be so wrapped up in himself that he doesn’t realise what a pain he’s being, so now is your opportunity to clear up a few things in a non-judgemental way. He’s more likely to try to please a friend than an enemy.
Believe it or not, he’s probably scared of the responsibilities of growing up, so encourage him to look online for ways to get that first job. Point out the plusses of work, like friends, independence and money.
Don’t turn this into a competition for your wife’s affection but do explain to her how the present set-up is harming your marriage. Move back into the bedroom and put renewed effort into your relationship; sulking in the spare room will only make things worse.
Remember that your stepson will eventually leave home. You’ve waited a long time to find love; do you really want to give up on it so soon?
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Ten years of marriage, and three children later, a woman laughing at his jokes is all it took for my husband James to cheat on me.
