I’m in my mid-40s, homeless and caring for two dogs

I expected sympathy, kindness – but they didn’t believe me, or want to help (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Lying in a tent in a city I didn’t know, shivering in a sleeping bag, I wondered how I had got to this point.

I’d gone from living in London, with a flat and a good job, to middle-aged and homeless.

With no one to turn to.

Last February, I moved down south from the North West. I’d been living there for about 10 years, after moving back home to become my dad’s carer when he became unwell.

After he passed away, I realised that I had nothing. I’d sit in all day on my own, with just my two dogs for company. I was only in my late forties, and yearned for my old life – things had to change.

Both my parents had passed away, and I’d only ever had a small family – so I felt very alone.

My parents assets, including the family home, caused conflict and eventual estrangement with my sibling.

And in the end, I knew I needed to leave the area and start afresh.

I don’t know why, but I ended up getting in contact with an old ex, Jamie*, who I used to date in the early 2000s. I remember being besotted with him, he was so charming – but ended up becoming quite moody, and would fly into rages.

I put it down to him coming from a difficult background, and thought to myself that he must’ve grown up since then – got help since it was decades ago. 

He lived down South, and told me I should move in with him temporarily, while I found my feet – he even gave permission for my pups to stay, too.

It sounded wonderful – he had a fully kitted out caravan on the drive for me to stay in for free, and he said he’d introduce me to his friends, help me find a job, and generally get settled.

I didn’t think twice. Honestly, I think I was desperate. I didn’t have a job back home and wanted to try again in somewhere I could be hopeful for the future.

It was great, at first – and I loved it. I knew how to get the bus to town, and was finding my bearings – but after about a week, things started to change. 

There was a caravan for me on the drive, but it wasn’t habitable so he let me stay in the house instead.

I was annoyed he’d lied, but tried to ignore it as it was good catching up. Jamie was funny, charming, showed me around town and was good company – before he wasn’t.

He’d get annoyed and snap at me over the smallest things. Looking back now, it was like history was repeating itself – I felt like I was walking on eggshells, and he didn’t want me around.

Another major red flag was that he was utterly obsessed with Andrew Tate. He was just so angry, all the time.

I was there for about three weeks before I’d had enough. He was too unpredictable, and I couldn’t risk mine or my dog’s welfare – so I left. With hardly any battery left on my mobile, very little money, and nowhere to go.

With what battery I had left, I found a charity-run homeless shelter. I pretty much launched myself at them in tears, explaining my situation.

That I was stuck, and needed help.

I expected sympathy, kindness – but they didn’t believe me, or want to help. I guess it was because I was a presentable-looking woman, and didn’t fit the stereotype of ‘a dishevelled alcoholic or drug user’ – they thought I was using them. 

It didn’t feel welcoming at all.

They seemed to struggle with the notion of someone like me actually being homeless – ironically, unfairly discriminating against me. 

I felt completely disregarded and marginalised, ignored, treated with suspicion and even contempt.

They pretty much refused to explain anything, so I was left bewildered. 

I was made to feel like it was my fault, and like nobody cared about me or bothered to ask questions about my situation – even though I was desperate. I felt very alone.

Then, when the centre closed, someone shoved a tent and sleeping bag in my arms. Staff had to go home, but one half-heartedly promised I’d be sorted ‘in the next few days’.

Few days?

Sitting on a bench, in a city I hardly knew, with no one to call, I felt totally confused, and devastated.

I felt insecure, and like a failure – with no idea where to go. I was a woman on her own, with two dogs for company – what would happen to me? To them? The centre just didn’t care about my safety at all.

Thankfully, a younger person from the centre noticed me looking lost, and told me they knew a safe place to sleep. I had no choice but to trust them.

That night was the worst of my life. It was freezing and uncomfortable – safe to say, I didn’t get any sleep. I was too terrified, and in tears.

What had happened to me? My life?

I have slept outside in a car park, as well

After showering back at the centre the next day, I was told I was being sent to temporary accommodation about 70 miles away, the distance was apparently because I had pets. 

Once I got there, I didn’t hear from anyone for three days. Time seemed to pass by in a blur – I was thankful for a bed, but my head was in bits.

Eventually, they called me to say that they, and the council, weren’t going to help me any longer. I had no local connections, and had never lived or paid taxes there. 

It felt like they sent me to this new town in the hope that I’d be someone else’s problem – not because they cared.

I spent my last pounds on a train ticket back for them to tell me the same, all over again – and I haven’t heard from them since.

I was on my own – with nowhere to turn, and feeling like no one cared about me.

Thankfully, benefits started to come through and I could afford to stay in a hotel for a few nights while I found some remote work.

Since then, I’ve been moving from hotel to hotel, using food banks and trying desperately to save up to be able to rent a room somewhere but most of my money goes on food for the dogs – and a bed.

I have slept outside in a car park, as well.

I want people to know that absolutely anyone can end up homeless. My mental health and faith in humanity is broken as a result of being treated like a second-class citizen.

The homeless system is broken. There’s a serious lack of compassion and humanity in the homeless services.

I found some members of the public to be kinder, buying a hot drink or offering a blanket.

These last few months have been painful and very stressful, but I know it’s temporary. I’m slowly but surely getting back on my feet and I know that, to get somewhere in life, you have to experience pain.

I’ve had more than my fair share of mine.

*Names have been changed

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I’d gone from living in London, with a flat and a good job, to middle-aged and homeless.