I was in for a surprise after spending £8,000 to become a mum

I couldn’t believe they were mine (Picture: Miranda Ryan)

Walking around the neonatal unit during a Christmas Day shift three years ago, I placed knitted stockings full of goodies on each incubator. 

Seeing these tiny humans with their little fingers and toes made my heart ache for more reasons than one. And once again I found myself wondering: ‘Will I ever have a baby of my own?’ 

For almost 14 years, I have worked as a NICU nurse, caring for sick and premature newborns. 

I’ve always loved my job. It’s hard work, and some days are better than others, but I always do my best to make it special for the families there.  

Though it definitely made my longing to become a mum even stronger. 

Back then, all of my friends were either married or had kids, or both, while I was nowhere near – my last relationship ended after a year. 

I’d always joked that if I got to 35 and hadn’t had a baby, I would use a sperm donor to start a family, but I never thought it would happen. 

Now, here I was, at that very age and seriously considering it. 

My job made my yearning to become a mum even stronger (Picture: Miranda Ryan)

I felt so ready (Picture: Miranda Ryan)

I could practically feel my biological clock ticking and knew that the older I got, the higher the risk of complications became. 

‘I’m going to do it,’ I told my friends in the New Year of 2021. ‘I’m going to have a baby on my own.’ 

I felt so ready to become a mum and, aside one person implying that I didn’t know what I was getting myself into, everyone was so supportive and excited for me. 

A friend of a friend told me they had used the London Women’s Clinic, so in February 2021, I contacted them. 

Having discussed my options with one of the consultants there, I opted for Intrauterine insemination (IUI). It’s less invasive and more affordable than IVF and involves inserting sperm into the womb to increase the chances of fertilisation. 

What followed was a series of blood tests and scans of my ovaries – which thankfully showed I was very fertile – and then the choosing of a donor. 

I signed up to the London Sperm Bank and read each profile carefully. The only details available were about their heritage, skin, eye and hair colour, height, education, and career. 

I opted for Intrauterine insemination (Picture: Miranda Ryan)

There was no way I was ready to give up (Picture: Miranda Ryan)

Admittedly, it wasn’t a huge amount of information to go off, and some donors just didn’t feel the right fit, but after five weeks, I found one that instinctively felt like the perfect choice.  

Just the technical part remained. I had to wait for my period, take ovulation tests and the day after having an HCG (the pregnancy hormone) trigger shot I went to the clinic. 

The procedure itself was simple and over within minutes, all I could do was wait. 

I tried not to get my hopes up, but I couldn’t help it.  

My doctor had said I should wait at least two weeks to take a pregnancy test but, too excited, I took an early one. When it showed up positive, I was thrilled. 

Sadly though, at my six-week viability scan, I was told there was no heartbeat. I’d had a missed miscarriage, meaning I’d lost the baby without any symptoms.  

I was disappointed, of course, but switching on my professional head I reminded myself that it might take several attempts. And there was no way I was ready to give up. 

I tried not to get my hopes up, but I couldn’t help it (Picture: Miranda Ryan)

I have worked as a NICU nurse, caring for sick and premature newborns (Picture: Miranda Ryan)

A second cycle, which unfortunately didn’t take, followed and I went through another Christmas childless. 

Hanging stockings on the incubators and watching friends take their little ones to see Santa that year, made my heart ache more than usual. 

In the New Year, I felt ready for a third cycle. This time around though I took an early detection test – a more sensitive test that can detect HCG before a missed period – six days before my period was due. 

When a very dark test line appeared straightaway, I got butterflies. 

At the women’s clinic, the consultant couldn’t believe how high my HCG levels were and told me I was ‘very, very pregnant’. I was elated. 

Then, at my seven-week scan, another surprise. ‘Ah there’s the other one’. Said the sonographer. 

‘The other what?’ I asked, confused. ‘The other baby.’ She replied. I was expecting twins. 

I found out I was having two girls (Picture: Miranda Ryan)

I had spent around £8,000 to become a mum (Picture: Miranda Ryan)

Floored, my mind immediately began to race. Would I be able to cope with two babies as a single parent? The cost? The doubly long sleepless nights? 

Once the initial shock wore off though, I was thrilled.  

There were still precautions to take of course as the twins were in two separate sacs but sharing one placenta. 

I had scans every fortnight as there was a risk of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome – a condition that affects multiples when there is an imbalance in blood flow due to connecting blood vessels – and I wanted to make sure they arrived healthily and safely. 

At 20 weeks, I found out I was having two girls, so I searched Facebook Marketplace, eBay and Vinted for second-hand essential baby items.

And friends kindly bought items off my wish-list for my baby shower, which eased the financial side of things – after all, I had spent around £8,000 to become a mum.  

Fiadh and Quinn arrived via planned C-section (Picture: Miranda Ryan)

Then, in October 2022, at 36 weeks, Fiadh and Quinn arrived via planned C-section. 

When the nurses put them on my chest I smiled at their little pink faces and stroked their perfect noses. I was used to babies being born again and again; but I couldn’t believe they were mine. 

At the end of November, Mum and I took the twins to her home in Ireland, to celebrate Christmas with the rest of the family. 

We dressed them in matching tartan outfits and took them to see Father Christmas, who was thrilled to hold them both. Then on Christmas Day, I placed my babies, dressed in red and white festive onesies, under the tree to take a photo. 

Mum and I took the twins to her home in Ireland, to celebrate Christmas (Picture: Miranda Ryan)

One day I’d love to have another child, but only if I meet the right person (Picture: Miranda Ryan)

I realised then that Fiadh and Quinn had made this the best Christmas of my life. They were (and still are) my most precious gifts. 

Now the twins are 14 months old and their very different personalities are shining through. Fiadh is a little on the wild side, while Quinn is more chilled out.  

One day I’d love to have another child, but only if I meet the right person. Though I generally feel more relaxed about meeting Mr Right, now. 

Even if I don’t find him, it won’t matter. I already got two true loves for the price of one!  

Becoming a single parent using a donor was daunting, but I haven’t regretted it for a second.  

Over the years I’ve cared for hundreds of babies at work, but now I finally have two of my very own, to love and cherish forever. 

As told by Julia Sidwell

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When a very dark test line appeared straightaway, I got butterflies.