Three’s a crowd (Picture: Metro.co.uk/ Getty)
One-night stands can be thrilling. That is, if you’re not left ‘haunted’ by them.
This week, a 20-year-old reader shares how he recently went home with two women in their fifties who happen to friends with his mother.
The big problem? He has a girlfriend, although she doesn’t seem too fussed about the whole thing.
Below, he gets some advice, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, where a reader was worried about the younger woman his dad ‘fell for’ in Thailand.
The problem..
Maybe this doesn’t sound like much of a problem, but it’s causing me sleepless nights. Basically, I had a one-night stand with two older women, and the thought of it is doing my head in.
I’m a guy of 20, and work as a personal trainer so I have a decent physique. I also run an old-school mobile disco at weekends and get booked by people who love music from the eighties and nineties. Drunk older women are always handing me phone numbers and dirty invitations, but I have a steady girlfriend and just laugh it off.
A couple of weeks ago, two women in their fifties who are friends of my mum, asked if I would take them home after a birthday gig. Due to the family connection, it never occurred to me that they had an ulterior motive, and when they invited me in for a drink I stupidly agreed.
They’re both fun to be with and attractive for their ages, and let’s just say things got a bit out of hand. I knew I was doing wrong, but sex with them both felt exciting and irresistible, and to be honest, we had a great time.
The next day, I felt full of remorse and through tears, blurted it all out to my girlfriend. Amazingly, she forgave me as long as I promise never to do anything similar again. That should make me feel great, but instead I feel haunted by it and don’t think I deserve her.
Laura says…
I’m not sure why your girlfriend didn’t dump you then and there, but those tears obviously worked in your favour. You’ve been lucky but you’re right, if you can be seduced this easily, you probably don’t deserve her.
It could be that your girlfriend reacted in shock, and as this devastating information sinks in, she may not be so forgiving. Don’t be surprised if she gets her own back with a fling of her own, which might signal the end of your relationship anyway. Maybe you secretly fear this, and it’s the real reason your head is so messed up.
Twenty is very young to settle down, and it doesn’t sound as though you’re ready to dedicate yourself to just one partner. You say you regularly get advances from older women, so what makes you so sure you would never do anything similar again? Let’s face it, you weren’t looking for love and romance with your mum’s friends; it was sex pure and simple, and by the sound of it, you enjoyed every minute.
Maybe tears have helped you wriggle off the hook this time, but it’s often the case that once you’ve crossed the line and got away with it, the second time is easier – and every time after that.
If that haunted feeling is genuine, some counselling may help sort your head out. In the meantime, it would probably be kindest to cut your girlfriend loose, and let this drama subside before you consider commitment again.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
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‘I feel haunted by it.’