JD Vance must hate those memes that show his face swollen up 50 to 80 percent more than its actual size. For a few delightful weeks this spring, anywhere you went on the internet, you could find a photoshopped image of Vance’s face. He’d be bald, or wearing one of those little helicopter hats, or sporting an even worse haircut than the one he actually has. But there was one constant: His face would be so distended it looked ready to pop.
He tried to laugh off these images when even Donald Trump got in on the bit, using the bloated version of his face for a meme recreating the O.J. Simpson car chase with Barack Obama. But we know that inside that big head of his, Vance is seething. We all know he hates the exaggerated bloated cheeks, softened jawline and too-plush lips. I’d be willing to bet that Vance spends about 10 minutes every day staring in the mirror, desperately gua-shaing his cheekbones in the hope he can massage contours back into his jowly visage.
It won’t work, JD!
The only thing he probably hates more than the bloat face memes is being portrayed as Donald Trump’s whipping boy, which, lets face it, he is. But to our collective joy and pleasure, South Park has decided not to let up on either bit. In Episode Two of Season 27, JD Vance made his debut on the show. He had those signature chipmunk cheeks and came up to a still-tiny-penis-having Trump’s knees. He also speaks like a toddler with food in his mouth.
Satan in Trump’s room
Within 30 seconds of being on screen, during which time he acted solely as Trump’s “lil bitch” as someone on X put it, Trump punted JD’s fat face and tiny body off the screen. After he flies out of frame, Trump instantly relaxes, seemingly relieved of the irritant. It feels like the visual representation of how Vance’s entire vice presidency has gone.
We next see mini JD join Trump and Satan in Trump’s room. Satan says, “I just want to go, this place is gross.” JD’s little body and puffy face can be seen dawdling by the bed, holding a large body of pink baby oil.
“Would you like me to apply the baby oil to Satan’s asshole, boss?” JD asks Trump.
For those following the Diddy trial and Trump’s public musings of pardoning the accused sex trafficker and rapist, you’ll appreciate that this baby oil joke is a dig not only at Vance being the filthy bag man for all of Trump’s misdeeds, but Trump’s continued enmeshment with sex criminals. That’s efficient joke writing!
As of posting, Vance has yet to respond to his cameo on South Park. I don’t think there’s a chance he won’t see it though, as hundreds of people are tagging him with screenshots from the show. Maybe he will pretend to laugh it off again. But we all know you’re suffering, JD, and it’s pretty gratifying.
