Your hungover breakfast made easy (Picture: Caff Crunch)
Nothing beats a hangover like a full English breakfast; the hash browns soaking up the booze, the beans helping dehydration, the bacon reminding you everything is right and well.
Cooking it when you’re still steaming from the night before, however, is less than ideal.
But now, you can buy a Full English flavoured breakfast cereal designed to replicate the taste of a hearty fry-up with a quick pour and a splash of milk.
The oh-so convenient Caff Crunch launches this weekend on Uber Eats and at London’s Crystal Cafe to coincide with National English Breakfast Day.
At £5 for a 450g box, it does not come cheap. So, is it any good?
My breakfast this morning (Picture: Rachel Moss)
The cereal contains salty, marshmallowy versions of all the Full English staples: egg, bacon, sausage, toast, mushrooms, and tomatoes. Each is meant to taste like the shape it represents – a concept that’s quite frankly making my stomach churn at 8am.
The toast, eggs and bacon elements are too subtle to warrant comment, and the tomatoes are my least favourite, providing small, fizzy, sherbet-like pops of flavour.
But the tiny brown sausages have genuinely boggled my mind. Each provides a burst of meaty, smoky flavour like a cheap banger that’s been fried in a pan. The aftertaste, when these are eaten alone, is undeniably sausage. How have they done it!? I have no idea. It’s food sorcery worthy of Heston Blumenthal.
When the elements are put all together, though, the bowl doesn’t remotely taste like a fry-up. The overriding taste is of the sugary, Cheerios-style hoops that have been used as padding.
As a fan of Cheerios, I’m somewhat relieved, but it does beg the question as to what the point of this cereal is.
The limited edition boxes are only available while stocks last, so if you can get your hands on one, it might make a silly stocking filler for the fry-up lover in your life this Christmas.
Just don’t expect to get out of cooking at actual fry-up come Boxing day – some things just can’t be replaced.
Caff Crunch is available at the Crystal Cafe, E9 on National English Breakfast Day 2nd December and can be delivered in London on the Uber Eats app from Friday 1st December. For more information, visit: www.caffcrunch.com
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The tiny sausages are genuinely mind-boggling.