What happens when your aspirations are different from your partner (Picture: Getty Images/fStop)
A woman has shared frustration at her husband’s ‘low’ £40,000 salary, sparking strong reactions online.
On Mumsnet’s ‘Am I Being Unreasonable?’ thread, the poster described her husband as ‘well qualified’ and said he told her at the start of their relationship that he was going ‘to get X job and earn X amount by this stage of life.’
‘I believed him,’ she wrote. ‘Then it came around to applying for these jobs, and the market had all but closed up. So, he accepted a different job as a stop gap. It’s decently paid, but not very highly paid like he said he was going to get.’
She goes on to explain that her partner’s employer offered to fund a master’s course and he accepted, which the poster claims ‘means he would have to work for the company for two years or face paying back £20,000.’
The woman argues ‘the master’s isn’t really worth that’ and says they’ve been told by people in her husband’s industry ‘that it’s a bit of a waste of time.’
‘Essentially, his employer has dangled a rotten carrot to keep him working for them as they wouldn’t be able to replace him,’ she added. ‘There is no scope for asking for a pay increase as it’s a huge multinational with strict rules.’
Although the poster seems to be concerned primarily with financial matters, she later expresses disappointment over her husband’s perceived lack of ambition, as she believes he is staying in this job because of the hours and the nature of it being ‘generally zero pressure.’
She said: ‘Before this, he was all for going for the very highly paid job and working long hours to set himself up in a lucrative career.
‘This suited us as I work in a long hours high pressure job, so it sort of feels like he no longer aims for the stars because he knows that (hopefully) I am on the track to a high paying job, so he will still benefit from a high salary.’
The woman also noted that she and her partner want to travel the world and get on the property ladder, meaning they need higher salaries to achieve this. They also live in London, which means the cost of living is particularly high.
What is the average UK salary?
According to the ONS, the median annual pay for full-time employees was £33,000 for the tax year ending on 5 April 2022.
The highest-paid job was chief executive and senior official, who made an average £79,835 gross salary, while bar staff were lowest, taking home a gross wage of £16,172.
Reactions to her post were mixed, with some arguing she shouldn’t care and others suggesting it marked a fundamental flaw in the relationship.
‘He doesn’t actually sound that career driven to me then,’ wrote one user. ‘More of a perpetual student which isn’t attractive. If you don’t have children and you don’t share the same goals in life, I’d be leaving and finding someone else.’
‘Feels like you need to have an honest conversation with him about both of your aspirations and expectations for your life together,’ added another.
Meanwhile, many were also of the opinion that his job choice is not her concern and it is unfair of her to push him.
‘I think you need a bit of perspective to be honest, the way you talk about your husband’s career just seems really off to me,’ a third user added.
‘It’s his job, not yours. And if you love him for him, surely a decent paying job that allows him to be stress free is ideal?’
What do you think? Is she right to feel short-changed or should she accept her husband’s choice?
Is she being unreasonable?
