Don’t end up a manipulator’s prey (Picture: Getty)
Arachnophobe or not, spider-webbing is a dating trend that’ll make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.
With both Halloween and cuffing season around the corner, the term has been coined to describe a set of outright terrifying tactics in relationships; a web you definitely don’t want to get caught in.
Taking inspiration from the intricate and purposeful design of a spider’s web which is used to trap its prey, the phenomenon weaves together toxic behaviours including gaslighting, breadcrumbing, love bombing and therapy baiting, all of which have been major (and majorly demoralising) trends in the dating world over the last few years.
Being on the wrong end of one of these is enough to leave you feeling vulnerable and confused. And if left unchecked, manipulation ploys can escalate into something even more pernicious.
According to Emma Hathorn, in-house dating expert at luxury dating site Seeking, spider-webbing is ‘a web of deceit and manipulation that can trap victims in an unstable and toxic relationship.’
You may not actually notice you’re being spider-webbed initially, as the rollercoaster of emotions you go through can mimic the start of a healthy, loving partnership.
‘It can be challenging to spot these behaviours because they are often subtle and gradually escalate over time,’ Emma tells Metro.co.uk. ‘However, there are some signs to watch out for that can help you recognise them early on.’
A spider-webber’s behaviour may change from excessively loving to distant and calculating (Picture: Getty Images)
She says love bombing is among the first red flags to keep an eye on.
‘If someone showers you with excessive compliments, gifts, or declarations of love very early on in the relationship and then suddenly stops that attention – they may be manipulating you,’ explains Emma.
Someone trying to impress you in the early stages isn’t necessarily anything to worry about, but cycling from one extreme to another is the difference between those first flushes of love and more sinister motives.
Emma says: ‘Be wary of individuals who are inconsistent in their behaviour and communication. They might be warm and affectionate one moment and then distant or aloof the next – this is a sign you might be subject to breadcrumbing.’
The third sign to be wary of is gaslighting, a tactic where the manipulator tries to make you doubt your perception in order to maintain control.
‘They might deny things they said or did, or lead you to believe you’re being irrational and to question your reality,’ Emma adds.
Things like using ‘therapy speak’ may also be employed, giving the manipulator an air of credibility and causing you to feel like you’re in the wrong.
On why someone would do this, Emma says it may be due to an avoidant attachment type, along with issues like ‘insecurity, narcissism, past trauma, a desire for control or even a lack of relationship skills.’
In some cases – specifically if they’re unintentional – you may be able to work through problems. In others, however, it’s best to untangle yourself from your date’s web to avoid further heartache.
Emma advises: ‘Address your concerns with your partner if you feel safe doing so. Try to express how their behaviour is affecting you and the relationship. Sometimes, open communication can lead to positive changes.
‘If they’re reluctant to meet you in the middle, that might be your sign to wave goodbye to the relationship.’
And while spider-webbers are often cunning in their methods, there are ways to avoid becoming their prey.
‘Raise your standards. And then, raise them again,’ says Emma.
‘Educate yourself on manipulative tactics. Recognise these, take a strong stand against them, and do not compromise on that decision.’
She also recommends paying close attention to your own emotional wellbeing throughout a relationship.
‘Do you feel supported and uplifted?’ Emma adds. ‘If you don’t, it’s time to re-evaluate your boundaries.’
Need help to deal with abuse in a relationship?
Get support and information from Women’s Aid by visiting the website or contacting the free instant messaging service.
Get support and information from Refuge, which holds a comprehensive and detailed guide to seeking help on the website.
The National Domestic Abuse helpline is free, confidential and a 24 hour service. Call on 0808 2000 247.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
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Avoid falling prey to toxic partners.