‘My breasts were so painful I couldn’t wear a bra’: What nobody tells you about menopause

There are at least 62 symptoms associated with menopause (Picture: Getty Images)

‘I had some very dark days, filled with existential dread, and experienced unexplained rage,’ remembers Helen Badcock, 41, from Taunton, who began experiencing menopause symptoms in her thirties.

‘I’d always been a sharp thinker known for being positive and self-motivated, but I felt like I could no longer stay on top of things, and I felt like a fraud.

‘I felt like I should be retiring, but I was only 36.’

Helen, an entrepreneur travel business founder, is just one of millions of women who’ve been through the menopause and experienced symptoms they weren’t expecting – often to the point where they didn’t even know they were menopausal.

The menopause is technically the name given when your periods stop due to lower hormone levels. It usually affects women between the ages of 45 and 55, but symptoms can happen far earlier as oestrogen begins to decline, in what’s known as ‘the perimenopause’.

And, while the NHS lists common symptoms including hot flushes, difficulty sleeping and even low sex drive, many women have been taken by surprise by the way perimenopause has affected them. Research indicates there could be as many as 62 symptoms.

‘I had such severe joint pain that I was left unable to stand, sit or walk,’ says Claire Hattrick, 56, from Hampshire. ‘Over 10 years I saw 11 different consultants and everyone was baffled; nobody knew what was wrong with me.

‘My symptoms began in my early 40s and it took a decade for my hormones to even be checked. I’d always been into exercise and had a healthy lifestyle, but I felt as though I had quality of life and no enjoyment because I was in so much pain.’

Claire Hattrick began experiencing symptoms in her early 40s (Picture: Supplied)

Claire, who now works as a menopause coach, is not alone in experiencing unexpected discomfort – fellow menopause coach Louisa Hussey, 44, from Manchester started getting excruciating breast pain when she was just 32, and it took eight years and a mammogram for her to discover her symptoms were related to the menopause.

‘My breast pain affected everything in my life,’ she says. ‘It stopped me from wearing a bra, I couldn’t exercise because bouncing, jumping, even dancing became incredibly painful.

‘It affected sleep, because I couldn’t lie on my side without fear of my nipples brushing the bedcovers – and worst of all, I had to be really careful cuddling my daughter – one unexpected move and I’d be almost in tears.

‘My sex life suffered too because I just didn’t want my husband anywhere near my breasts.’

Unfortunately, many women’s symptoms can be overlooked or dismissed, leading to long waits for a diagnosis. A 2021 survey by renowned menopause expert Dr Louise Newson found that 15% of women said they’d waited more than six years to receive a correct diagnosis.

Louisa Hussey was repeatedly dismissed by doctors(Picture: Supplied)

‘It gave me huge anxiety and stress, because I couldn’t work out how to fix it,’ says Louisa.

‘I ended up having a mammogram to rule out any worrying reasons for the pain, but the doctor just said ‘some women just have painful boobs’ and I was essentially told to suck it up. That was a particularly low time.’

Menopause can cause lots of unusual physical symptoms and side effects, but it can also have a huge impact on those who are neurodivergent, too, as cyber security expert Lisa Ventura, 50, from Worcester discovered.

‘I started noticing menopause symptoms when I was 47, things like feeling very hot all the time,’ she says.

‘But the worst part was the brain fog, forgetfulness and amplification of my already existing ADHD symptoms. It took me nearly a year to get diagnosed with ADHD after my doctor referred me, and she was the one who explained to me that often menopause makes ADHD symptoms much worse.’

Lisa Ventura says menopause made ADHD more pronounced (Picture: Supplied)

Virtual assistant and writer Lucy Benton, 35, from the Isle of Wight, also has ADHD and began feeling perimenopausal at 30.

It wasn’t until she had a hysterectomy aged 34 to deal with her adenomyosis condition that she was told the symptoms she’d been experiencing were actually the menopause, and that as a Black woman, she was more likely to go through the menopause early.

‘As an adenomyosis sufferer, my cycles were regular but very heavy and painful,’ she says.

‘They changed to being much lighter, and then started being a week or so early or late. It was such a drastic difference, I told my gynaecologist I no longer needed any treatment.

‘My ADHD symptoms got much worse too – I was forgetful, making stupid mistakes, demotivated and as a business owner and mother of three children, this was not compatible with my life. I didn’t know that menopause can affect ADHD.’

Lucy says she was also shocked to discover Black women hit perimenopause earlier than other ethnicities on average.

‘I think this is something we should be taught,’ she says. ‘It made me feel even more othered than I already feel because other than the few amazing advocates on Instagram, there is barely any representation. This needs to change.’

Lucy Benson felt more forgetful (Picture: Supplied)

For women going through menopause early, not only might they be experiencing unwanted side effects, but the diagnosis can also impact their future plans, such as starting a family.

‘By the time I was 39 and had been experiencing my symptoms for three years, my doctor finally agreed to do some blood tests,’ says Helen. ‘They assured me it was unlikely they’d find anything, but what actually came back was a huge shock.’

Doctors told Helen she had the highest FSH level (follicle-stimulating hormone) they’d ever seen in someone her age – it was over 60.

‘To put this in context, FSH consistently over 30 can indicate perimenopause; I had twice that,’ she explains. ‘I received this news by phone, when a male doctor I didn’t know called me. I was alone, in my car. He didn’t ask what this news meant to me and my life…he didn’t know he had basically told me I would never have biological children of my own. I knew time was ticking by, but to be honest I’d still hoped.’

Once you have been diagnosed, HRT (hormone replacement therapy) is often the suggested treatment. It replaces the hormones that are at low levels and helps to alleviate the symptoms of menopause.

‘I’ve been taking HRT for three years now,’ says Louisa. ‘Once I was given a dose that worked for me, my breast pain went away within about six months. Sadly, I think way too many GPs are just not trained to understand the holistic issues that come with menopause, and even though I was clearly in menopause, not one GP linked the pain with it.’

HRT has also been a saviour for Helen, who’s three months into taking it. ‘It’s changing my life. I am finally starting to get back to the ‘me’ that I remember,’ she says. ‘There are still some dark and difficult days, but I no longer feel utterly helpless.’

However, HRT isn’t for everyone. Lisa hasn’t been able to take any, due to other medication she’s on, so she’s managing her symptoms in a different way.

‘I just try to muddle through it all and use tactics like using smart home technology to automate as many things in my house as possible, as well as setting myself reminders for things so I don’t forget them,’ she says.

Her advice for getting through the menopause? Speak out. ‘It can be a very lonely time, so talk to others about what you are experiencing and going through.’