‘This is insane,’ one wrote (Picture: Adrián Monroy/Medios y Media/Getty Images)
Reading the mum-shaming that Paris Hilton has been subjected to – yet again – this week, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and snort.
The 42-year-old model and entrepreneur had made the mistake of admitting on her show, Paris In Love, that she was changing her son Phoenix’s nappy for the first time – despite him being a month old when the show was filmed.
Her viewers were not impressed.
‘This is insane,’ one wrote.
‘So much disconnection between mom and baby… so sad.’ Another commented.
I’ll be the first to admit, Paris managing to avoid a dirty nappy until this stage in her parenting game isn’t exactly usual for a new mum. But come on, she’s hardly your average new mum.
She is the great-granddaughter of Conrad Hilton, the founder of Hilton Hotels. Her net worth is estimated to be $300 million. And she’s one of the richest models in the world.
Admit it, if you had her money, surely you would pay someone to change your little one’s bum? I know I would!
In fact, I didn’t change my first born, Theo’s nappy for nearly two weeks – though admittedly, for very different reasons to Paris.
While she had a surrogate and didn’t go through the birthing process, after 26 hours of induced labour, I had an emergency caesarean.
I certainly didn’t feel like I was a bad mam – or indeed, less connected to my baby – because of my lack of nappy changes (Picture: Sarah Whiteley)
As someone with firsthand experience, it’s certainly not the ‘easy option’ when it comes to childbirth, and as any midwife will tell you, a c-section is major surgery and should not be underestimated.
Even when I was discharged after two days in hospital, I was in agony.
I found it hard to sit down, stand up – and twisting to get out of bed was excruciating. If I missed my regular dose of painkillers, I’d feel faint.
I’m not trying to scaremonger here, in fact quite the opposite – but the things they don’t tell you about childbirth is another article entirely.
All I will say is that, while day three is definitely the worst, it gets much better from there on in. I even went on to have elective caesarean with my second baby, Immy, so, it can’t have been that bad.
My point though is that I was in pain and therefore, my husband Tom took control of the nappy situation for the first few weeks of our son’s life.
I never thought too much about it back then, it was just what happened. Besides, I’d already done quite a lot for us at that point anyway.
Plus, with Theo unable or unwilling to latch onto my breast, I was also constantly expressing milk, so I really didn’t mind Tom taking the reins for this part of parenthood.
Especially when, on the first night we brought him, Tom was carrying a teeny Theo across the living room, when we realised poo was leaking out of his nappy. All over the place. Tom’s Diesel jeans, the carpet, Theo’s pristine Moses basket – all covered in poo.
Half-dazed with lack of sleep, I found the situation hysterical. Not ideal, when my stitches were still so fresh.
I was secretly glad that I wasn’t the one who’d have to get on my hands and knees to scrub the carpet clean.
But I certainly didn’t feel like I was a bad mam – or indeed, less connected to my baby – because of my lack of nappy changes. In all honesty, it was probably one of the few times we were apart.
Most of the time I was spending hours with him snuggled into me as I fed or chatted to him. Even when he dozed in Moses’ basket, I positioned it at the side of the sofa where I sat.
Even as an anxious new mum, I knew being apart from him for a couple minutes for the sake of a fresh nappy was hardly going to impact our relationship, or damage him irrevocably.
Out of all of the mum guilt I have experienced, none of it went on this. Even now I can’t see anything for me – or Paris – to feel bad about.
After a week, I was feeling far more mobile and after two weeks, Tom’s paternity leave came to an end and he had to go back to work, so I quickly caught up on the nappies I had missed and, let’s put it this way…
There are many wonderful things about being a new parent – their silky-soft skin, the awe of having created a new person, the infinite possibility and potential you see before you and the impossibly small babygros. But changing a nappy is not high up on that list.
Out of all of the mum guilt I have experienced, none of it went on this (Picture: Sarah Whiteley)
Sure your average wee-soaked one isn’t too bad, but you also find yourself contending with some really gross ones.
Poo-namis, as some people call them, are the worst.
These are the ones that breach the top of the nappy, immediately staining their beautiful, barely-worn vest. The ones where you immediately begin to fill their baby bath because you know no amount of wipes are going to clean up that mess.
On those days, when I was in our flat on my own and had to negotiate removing a poo-soaked vest without smearing it on Theo’s hair or face, I would have gladly handed over any amount of money for someone to take over. So I don’t blame Paris for doing exactly that – I bet loads of millionaire mums do the same.
Anyway, the beautiful blonde has seemed nothing less than completely devoted to Phoenix ever since he arrived in January this year. The photos on her Instagram show her cradling him, looking at him adoringly, say it all.
‘I’ve dreamt of being a mom for as long as I can remember,’ she has said of him previously. ‘Phoenix is my world and has been the biggest blessing of my life. Every day with him is a reminder of what truly matters.’
And that is what being a mum is all about.
Paris isn’t a bad mum for having not changed a nappy for her first month as a parent. I wouldn’t even blame her if she hasn’t changed a single one since.
She’s just living a very different, not-so-simple, life to the rest of us.
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I didn’t change my first born, Theo’s nappy for nearly two weeks – though admittedly, for very different reasons to Paris Hilton.