I’ve had amazing one-night-stand sex – but you won’t see me doing the walk of shame

Whether intended or not, people made me feel embarrassed about having enjoyed my body and someone else’s (Picture: Almara Abgarian)

It was 8am and I was scurrying down the pavement, carrying my high heels in my hands and with my hair in serious knots – a universal look that practically screams ‘guess who had sex all night’.

It had been a great evening; I’d hit it off with a very attractive man on the dance floor and after furiously making out for an hour, we headed back to his place.

I really should have taken a cab home but my lover only lived 15 minutes from my house, and I don’t like to be wasteful with money.

However, judging by the stares from drivers on the main road, and the fact three cars honked at me in the space of a few minutes, it was evident that they knew this was my ‘walk of shame’. (I loathe this phrase but I’ll get to that later).

Some of them even shouted from their windows; though I can’t remember the exact words, they weren’t nice ones.

At the time, I tried not to think too much of the situation but the memory of walking home that day is burned into my mind. 

I can still recall the anger I felt at being shamed by strangers for having a one-night-stand.

Whether intended or not, these people made me feel embarrassed about having enjoyed my body and someone else’s, which is ridiculous.

This was around 2012 and while the world is more progressive now, there is still a negative attitude towards no-strings sex.

When he left the next morning, I didn’t feel any shame (Picture: Almara Abgarian)

I’d like to put this issue to bed once and for all and explain why one-night-stands can actually be a great way for you to explore sex.

Let’s start by tackling a common myth.

Many people believe that having a one-night-stand somehow means that you don’t respect yourself, which is absolutely not true.

Now that I’m in my 30s, I prefer to have more long-term sexual connections. Not because I’m opposed to a great casual shag but I had a very active sex life in my 20s, so I’ve been there, done that.

But a few years ago, I found myself in a pub, watching a football game with mates when a sexual opportunity presented itself.

One of the men in our group was a friend of a friend, and we had an instant attraction.

During half time, we snuck away to have a fumble. A few hours later, we were in my bed – where we remained until the next morning.

This man (let’s call him Josh) was only in town for the weekend so we both knew there was no prospect of romance.

Sometimes, shagging strangers is easier because it lifts our inhibitions

But that didn’t mean we respected each other any less.

We were both consenting adults chasing an orgasm. He was attentive, sweet and we cuddled for a few hours afterwards. 

When he left the next morning, I didn’t feel any shame.

But it’s taken me a long time to get to this point.

Unfortunately, society likes to tell us that sex must have an emotional component. If it doesn’t, it’s not ‘worth’ as much.

This is another myth.

Sex shouldn’t be assigned a value and neither should you. 

I’ve had some of the best sex of my life with one-night-stands. 

Sometimes, ‘no strings’ is exactly what we need. Casual sex can serve as a confidence booster, libido awakener and many other things.

For instance, after I broke up with a long-term boyfriend, I wasn’t remotely interested in sex for months.

My sex drive was all but switched off until one day, out of the blue, I met a man at a friend’s birthday party and we swapped numbers.

COne-night-stands have also allowed me to explore new sides to my sex life (Picture: Almara Abgarian)

Meeting up a few days later for a drink, my sex drive fired up. It didn’t hurt that he was an amazing kisser and knew exactly which buttons to push.

We went home and had mind-blowing sex for hours. It was the kind of shag that makes you weak in the knees afterwards.

I liked this man but I didn’t have any particular romantic feelings towards him. I had no idea if we’d ever see each other again (we didn’t). 

Funnily enough, he wasn’t such a nice guy in the end – he ghosted me after the sex – but I still don’t regret what happened.

I’d gone into this with open eyes, knowing that sex might be all we had in common so I wasn’t particularly upset.

I had been trying to heal my heartbreak, and trying to get back into the swing of things, and he made me feel desired again. He gave me exactly what I needed that night. 

One-night-stands have also allowed me to explore new sides to my sex life, like when I had my first threesome.

It can be very hard to tell your fantasies to someone you love, because their opinion matters and it will likely impact how you feel about yourself.

Sometimes, shagging strangers is easier because it lifts our inhibitions.

We need to stop shaming ourselves and others for enjoying no-strings sex. 

I know many people, women especially, who want to have sex but feel that this must happen within a relationship.

Or that if they’re dating someone, they have to wait a ‘respectable’ time to shag that person.

If you just want a one-night thing, make it clear to the other person (Picture: Almara Abgarian)

If you’re putting these limitations on yourself because it’s what you want to do, then more power to you. 

But if this is due to fear of what other people might think, then it’s time to reframe your thinking.

So long as you’re having sex with respect for yourself and your lover, it doesn’t matter if you see them again or not.

A few notes on etiquette though, if I may.

Ghosting is a d**k move. We’re all adults, let’s act like it.

Secondly, if you just want a one-night thing, make it clear to the other person. 

Don’t lead them on or use deceitful methods to ‘get them into bed’ – like saying you’re open to something serious, if you’re not.

On the flipside, if someone openly tells you they only want sex, accept what they’re telling you. 

If you want more, it’s better to walk away than hope that you can ‘change’ someone and get hurt.

Finally, when you head home the next morning, don’t call it a ‘walk of shame’. This phrase needs to be binned forever.

You’ve taken ownership of your sex life. 

That, my friend, is a walk of pride.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]. 

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What you will catching me doing is a walk of pride.