One thing is certain: All weddings are unique (Picture: Matthew Troke/Getty Images/iStockphoto)
Wedding planner and venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, no matter how big or small, in a weekly agony aunt column.
Hi Alison,
In a few months, I’ll be getting married, and I’m counting down the days.
I’ve spent a lot of time planning the day – I’ve finally finished perfecting the colour scheme, menu, food, and original ideas that will make the wedding unique to me and my partner.
So I was shocked when my mum told me that my cousin had complained to her, accusing me of ‘copying’ her own nuptials.
Yes, we’re getting married at the same venue as them, and we’ve hired the same caterers, photographer, florist and I’ve got the same makeup artist – but we’re from a small town!
There’s not a huge variety of options near us.
My cousin apparently even thinks our invites look too similar to hers – and knowing that we’ve hired the same suppliers, has had a hissy fit and has now gone even further than the conversation with my mum, telling lots of family and friends that I’ve stolen her wedding.
What should I do?
Jessie
Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?
Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense.
If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand.
Email [email protected] to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.
Dear Jessie,
I am thrilled to hear how excited you are about your wedding in a few months. It really is such a special time in your life.
One thing is certain: All weddings are unique.
At my venue, we have suppliers who work regularly with us, but I can guarantee that, having hosted hundreds of them, that no two weddings are the same.
Even in cases where some elements were alike, that should always be seen as a compliment, rather than an attempt to copy.
Some weddings have occurred here because a couple attended one years earlier and loved it so much that they booked theirs with us.
Some couples book a supplier who worked at a friend’s wedding because they loved their work.
It is the personal touches that each couple incorporates that make their big day distinctive.
The time of year, colours, and themes make each wedding different, and beautiful (Picture: AKP Branding Stories)
Of course living in a small town you have found your options limited, and finding suitable suppliers who will travel and be available for a specific wedding date can be challenging.
It’s truly unfortunate that your cousin feels this way, but rather than letting the ill-feeling fester, it might be more helpful to address this situation with her so that it does not dampen your spirits as your wedding day draws closer.
Make sure you aren’t confrontational but tell her that you understand her concerns and assure her it was never your intention to copy or replicate her wedding.
Explain that having limited options in your town means it heavily influences your choice of suppliers, and you have several original ideas that will make your wedding special to you and your partner, even if there is crossover in some aspects.
Perhaps you could praise your cousin’s wedding, saying you had a fantastic time on the day. You could acknowledge the personal touches your cousin incorporated and that you wouldn’t dream of trying to copy that.
You can lay out the many ways your wedding will be different to hers, if you feel this would calm her.
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You have already indicated that your ideas will make your wedding individual to you and your partner, so make sure your cousin knows that, and hopefully that can alleviate some of her concerns.
In my experience, we have never seen the same floral setup repeated for multiple weddings, and we’ve seen photographers work several weddings in short succession, and the pictures are always incomparable.
That and the time of year, colours, and themes make each wedding different, and beautiful.
Your dress will be tailored to you; it will suit your shape and style, and the colours for your bridesmaids and groomsmen will also add to the uniqueness of your wedding.
The one element that makes every wedding special is the personal touches. Incorporating the elements that reflect you and your partner’s story. This could be through custom signage, uncommon wedding favours, or a particular guest book style.
Your cousin will either understand or she will not, but remember it is your wedding day, and if you take the time to speak to your cousin to clear up the matter, hopefully, she will take that on board. You can then be reassured that however she feels, you did your best to talk through the issue.
As you have made all your plans for your wedding day, you should never be tempted to change anything because of your cousin’s feelings.
Any family or mutual friends who attend your wedding will see the individuality of your special day, and appreciate the personal touches and elements that reflect you and your partner.
Focus on the positivity of your upcoming wedding, and know that any misunderstandings should not overshadow your excitement and joy about this special occasion.
Good luck!
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She’s telling lots of family and friends that I’ve stolen her wedding.