In the South Park Season 27 premiere, “Sermon on the ‘Mount,” the long-time satirical series tells us that, in these times of struggle and division, we must ask ourselves: “What would Jesus do?” Meanwhile, Jesus just asked us, “Do you really want to end up like Colbert?”
The public acrimony between South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone and their parent company Paramount seemed to reach a head last week when Parker and Stone enlisted the services of a notorious bulldog litigator in preparation for a lawsuit.
Paramount quickly side-stepped another high-profile legal battle that embarrassed their entire company by throwing $1.5 billion at the South Park creators, but the real blow that Parker and Stone would land on the corporate cronies who delayed Season 27 over their stupid merger with Skydance Media came tonight when South Park basically blamed Paramount for emboldening Trump to sue his critics into paying him appeasement money whenever anyone says something he doesn’t like.
Predictions for the future
The very title of “Sermon on the ‘Mount” is a slam on Paramount and their cowardly decision to cozy up to an executive branch that has waged war on the media and free speech itself, but we honestly didn’t expect South Park to go so far as to accuse their a-hole bosses of single-handedly ensuring the unchecked power of our small-dicked President Saddam Hussein.
In “Sermon on the ‘Mount,” Randy Marsh leads an angry mob against the President after he discovers that Stan’s public school has gotten rid of the separation of church and state and is forcing his son to sit with Jesus Christ in the cafeteria. Upon learning that Mr. Garrison gave up the White House and allowed Donald Trump (who is, hilariously, Saddam Hussein in disguise) to take over the country, Randy calls up President Trump and criticises his unconstitutional education agenda, causing Trump to launch a multi-billion-dollar lawsuit against the town of South Park.
As cagey 60 Minutes reporters tiptoe around South Park’s protest against the President, Jesus himself returns and passes out loaves of bread, bidding the citizens to shut up and eat them while he whispers critical information through his teeth.
According to Jesus Christ, he is contractually obligated to appear in public schools due to the terms of Paramount’s recent $16 million “settlement” with the President. “The guy can do whatever he wants now that someone backed down,” Jesus says of President Trump and Paramount’s cowardly capitulation.
“If someone has the power of the presidency and also has the power to sue and take bribes, then he can do anything to anyone!” Jesus continues. “It’s the f—ing President, dude! And all of you shut the f— up, or South Park is over! Just shut the f— up!”
Considering that “Sermon on the ‘Mount” ended with a live-action deep-fake of Trump stripping down and exposing his tiny talking penis, this season, I don’t think South Park is going to do what Jesus would do.