Cliff Notes – I’m the first trans man on a UK gay dating show – I feel validated
- Lars Fellows made history as the first transgender contestant on a UK gay dating show, "I Kissed A Boy," highlighting the importance of representation in media.
- Despite initial hesitations, Lars embraced the opportunity to share his story and connect with others, aiming to normalise the experiences of trans individuals.
- He faced transphobic backlash but remains focused on the support he has received, emphasising the positive impact of his participation on his self-acceptance and confidence.
I’m the first trans man on a UK gay dating show – I feel validated
Lars made history with his TV debut in I Kissed A Boy (Picture: BBC/Two Four Broad)
‘I didn’t want to deny myself the experience just because I was scared and it was unheard of.’
Those are the poignant words of Lars Fellows, the first transgender star of a gay dating show in the UK.
He set hearts racing and eyelashes fluttering upon entering the Italian Masseria for series 2 of BBC Three’s I Kissed A Boy, hosted by pop queen and all-round queer icon Dannii Minogue.
Dannii returned to play Cupid once more this year in the rollercoaster ride of a reality show in which singletons are matched up based on their preferences for a partner, then share a steamy kiss… all before even knowing the other person’s name.
What follows is, as you’d expect, plenty of twists, turns, and emotional moments, which Lars has found himself at the centre of.
The 23-year-old took a courageous leap during episode 1, coming out as a trans man to his fellow contestants and speaking candidly about transitioning.
The 23-year-old is the first trans contestant to appear on a UK gay dating show (Picture: BBC/Two Four Broad)
Now, chatting exclusively to Metro, Lars reflects on his time on the show and responds to the tirade of transphobic trolling in the wake of his groundbreaking TV debut.
‘There were a lot of things going through my mind when it came to taking part in I Kissed A Boy. I was a bit unsure at first. I wasn’t sure how it would be received; they hadn’t had a trans person on the show before, and I didn’t know what that might look like for me, so I did have a bit of hesitancy about it,’ he admits. ‘But after talking with producers and casting, it eased my mind about it. It felt like I could really trust them with my story.’
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Lars adds that, at its core, taking part in the dating show offered so much more than the potential for a bit of smooching.
‘It was an opportunity for representation and to represent myself and the community, and that was very personal to me.
‘There are not a lot of trans men in the media, and I want to allow for more of that and open the conversation for more trans men. But just because I was scared, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it.
‘I live my life as a gay man, and I thought, “Why not put myself in that situation to see what happens?”‘
Lars praises the show for helping to ‘fast-track’ his self-confidence (Picture: Jordan Peck/Getty Images)
However, he admits to feeling a ‘pressure’ to be a perfect representative of the trans community (Picture: BBC)
Exploring both romantic and platonic connections on the show has allowed Lars to communicate that trans people are, quite simply, ‘normal people’ looking to find friends and lovers like anyone else.
However, that doesn’t mean the experience has been without pressure, as, at times, Lars has felt the weight of wanting to be both a role model to his community and an example of what it means to be trans for cis folk.
‘But I can’t be a perfect representation because there’s no perfect trans person, there’s no perfect person,’ he reasons.
And instead of fretting over what he can’t be, Lars is choosing to focus on everything he is to so many.
‘It has been amazing and overwhelming seeing the support,’ he shares sweetly. ‘It’s reminded me of why I went on the show, but it’s also a reminder of the fact that it’s so mental for me to be the first. It’s a positive thing, and I can only be myself, but hopefully others will now feel like they can put themselves out there too.’
Lars’s positive mental attitude is also apparent when he addresses the backlash to his casting, with transphobia raging across social media with the falsehood that he might be trying to ‘trick’ people.
I Kissed A Boy has broken barriers with its conversations this series (Picture: BBC/Two Four Broad)
While such abuse would understandably knock any human being’s confidence, Lars is determined to focus on what really matters.
‘Unfortunately, I did anticipate a reaction, both good and bad, and with the trolling and negative response, it’s not great,’ he explains.
‘But for me, there’s nothing a random person on the internet can say that’s gonna undermine who I am.’
He continues defiantly: ‘At the end of the day, I’ve worked really hard to get where I am, and these comments don’t mean anything to me.
‘That’s not to say they don’t get to me sometimes, but I need to focus on the positives, and I’ve received so much support and so many amazing messages from other trans people and parents of trans people, and that’s way more important.’
Series 2 of I Kissed A Boy has broken down barriers in more ways than one, with fellow cast member Adam praised for opening up about his HIV diagnosis.
Dannii Minogue returned to front the reality series (Picture: BBC/Two Four Broad)
‘I have no regrets,’ Lars declares (Picture: BBC/Two Four Broad)
His chat with the other boys left viewers in tears as he recounted his brush with death and called to end the stigma around living with the virus.
All in all, it’s been a series to remember, not just for its dramatic kiss-offs and Dannii’s extravagant outfits, but for the conversations it’s started.
So, is Lars glad he did it?
It’s a resounding yes, as he hails the show as having ‘fast-tracked’ his levels of self-acceptance and ‘affirmed and validated’ his identity.
‘I am absolutely glad I did it. It was an experience that I didn’t realise I needed. I didn’t think going on a reality tv show would make me feel more secure and confident in who I am, but it has,’ he declares proudly.
‘As gay people, I wish we all got to experience those moments of unspoken acceptance. It’s not just tolerance; it’s everyone being so supportive of each other and encouraging within the group.
‘Especially when it comes to dating, the gay community can be quite toxic sometimes, so when you’re put in an environment with no external factors and you’re all just relying on each other, it bonds you, while the outside world can be quite competitive.
‘Ultimately, I got to spend three weeks flirting with a bunch of hot guys, so I have no regrets at all.’
Catch up with I Kissed A Boy on BBC iPlayer.