I’m a dominatrix and most of my clients are married – women would be horrified if they knew what their husbands are doing

Sandy Star details the reality of life as a dominatrix (Picture: Rex)

Sandy Star’s work diary for 2023 is already filling up – but unlike many of us, she won’t be stuck in an office jumping from meeting to meeting.

Instead, the 47-year-old will be getting her rope, feathers and vibrators ready as a number of curious men swing by to experience a steamy session with a dominatrix.

Sandy, who has previously spoken about her unique line of work on Metro.co.uk’s Smut Drop podcast, found herself focusing on fetish and sex work quite by chance – and is now looking to empower women entering the industry with her own mentoring scheme.

Here, she tells Metro.co.uk how she turned part-time webcam work into a six-figure dominatrix business…

‘I’d been a personal trainer for nearly 18 years, but when I came back to the UK three years ago following a stint living abroad, I couldn’t really find a job. A friend of mine suggested I could do some webcamming – performing sex acts on video and internet live streams.

To begin with, I genuinely didn’t even know what that was. I did some research found a platform to work from.

While I was scared to be starting from scratch at 44-years-old, I had no money and no job so I knew I had to go for it. Just one month later, I was bringing in a really decent wage just camming part time.

Sandy Star got into domme work three years ago (Source: Sandy Star – MikeFFPhoto)

Within months people were asking whether I did dominatrix work, so I began thinking about whether I’d want to see clients face to face, and decided to invest in proper lessons at the London Dominatrix School in Marylebone, so I could learn how to be a dominatrix safely.

I paid £200 an hour for three or four lessons, which included corporate punishment and impact play, where you learn how to hit the body safely while still causing discomfort. I also learned shibari, which is the art of bondage tying, and then I learned some cock and ball torture. It was best to learn in a safe, controlled environment and be taught by a professional.

Transitioning from webcam to face-to-face bookings was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. 

Sandy learned the tricks of the trade by going to dominatrix school (Source: Sandy Star/MikeFFPhoto)

One reason was because the fetish industry gets such a bad rap – people who don’t understand think it’s weird and disgusting.

And there was definitely fear going from just sitting on my bed and doing webcam to then being in front of someone in a new setting surrounded by equipment, offering a service they pay a lot of money for. But I was lucky that the people I learned from were industry gurus in their own right, and I picked things up quite quickly.

I charge £170 for an hour, or £250 for 90 minutes. The most common thing that clients ask for is ‘tie and tease’ – that’s usually restraining and blindfolding with some sensual play. I’m not considered an extreme dominatrix – a lot of people who come to me just want to try it out. I often combine the more traditional domme services with more sensual routines because a lot of clients are still uncertain and want to try it out.

Another popular service with clients is strap-on sex. Some men like anal sex and anal play, and may be scared to ask their wives. There’s that element of shame around it: men don’t ask because they don’t want to be seen as gay. But they’re not gay – they don’t want anal sex from a man, they want it from a hot woman. They want to see my boobs and my face and my body.

Some men just feel like they couldn’t ask their wife to put a strap-on on, because she’s the mother of their kids and they just don’t see her in that way. 

As someone who has had kids, I do understand that your child becomes a priority.

Sandy has a lot of equipment to stimulate her clients (Source: Sandy Star/MikeFFPhoto)

Men are needier than we think they are, and they feel a bit neglected. Women can also lose confidence after having a baby, and that can be another turn off.

I’d say 80% of my clients are married or in relationships. I think some women would be horrified if they knew what some of their husbands are doing.

Some wouldn’t he able to handle their other half dressing up in another women’s underwear and receiving anal pleasure. It’s alien to vanilla relationships. It’s hugely frowned upon and unaccepted, and it’s something that stays under the radar a lot of the time.

Sandy says that her services actually help marriages keep afloat (Source: Sandy Star)

Some clients have told me that seeing me is keeping their marriage going. I don’t know if their wives would quite see it that way. Although, some say their wives know that they come to me.

As a general rule, I don’t ask about their personal life, and I don’t tell them about mine. I keep the boundaries quite clear.

The age of my clients range from quite young to men in their mid seventies. As I’ve got an adult son myself, I don’t feel it’s right for me to go below a certain age. I draw the line at 28, but I have had boys as young as 21 try and book me.

Sandy has experienced bizarre encounters in the fetish world (Source: Sandy Star)

I would say I’ve probably got five semi regular clients between the age of 65 and 75. I find elderly gentlemen tend to be a lot more respectful and polite. They’re my preferred client, if I’m honest.

You absolutely need friends in the industry when you’re doing this, as some days can get weird pretty quickly. I had an extreme submissive once that said he wanted me to put a plastic bag over his head and be suffocated.

I’ve had muscle worship sessions, where people really like muscly women and they like to be dominated in a headlock or I might arm wrestle them.

Once I did it to a client and he suddenly went limp. It was quite a hot day and he just fainted, so I snapped my fingers in his face and he quickly came round, saying he didn’t really realise what had happened. There’s definitely occasions where things don’t go to plan and it can completely throw you off your script.

I now want to start a mentoring women in this industry so I can help them have the same positive experience I’ve had.

My advice for anyone considering it is to not be frightened to say no. If you’re not comfortable doing something, don’t do it. And just enjoy it. The last three years have been crazy: I’ve built a six figure industry from being a dominatrix, and I want more women to feel empowered while doing it.’

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Sex worker Sandy Star reveals how she swapped turned part-time webcam work into a six-figure dominatrix business