Depending on what you’re looking for, textationships can be fulfilling (Picture: Getty Images)

It’s Friday night and you’re perched on your bed, still wrapped in your towel from showering, wet hair clinging to your upper back. 

You’re hunched over, grinning. 

You haven’t taken your eyes off your phone for a good 20 minutes. You haven’t even switched apps. 

There’d be no point – their texts are coming in at a million miles an hour, back and forth like a ping pong ball, complemented by the faint flutter of butterflies in your tummy. 

It’s been like this for weeks. As it stands, spending hours sending voice messages and the occasional selfie has become your idea of a date. 

It probably started with an Instagram story like, or maybe a match on a dating app, and now you’ve been talking for weeks on end, neither of you shying away from those late-night deep chats. 

It’s like you’ve known one another forever… but not quite long enough for either of you to suggest meeting up in person.

Hate to break it to you, but you’re in a textationship.

What is a textationship?

This is a relationship that starts in the digital realm and will likely remain there indefinitely.  

‘A textationship is a portmanteau of text message and relationship, so essentially it is a relationship via your phone,’ relationship psychotherapist Dipti Tait tells Metro.co.uk.

She explains that, such is the nature of a textationship, you have no plans to meet up ‘but you communicate with them as intimately as if you were in a relationship.’

Why do we get stuck in textationships?

Textationships can be intoxicating, partly because they scratch our brains in the same way that social media does. There’s also the added influence of lust and attraction and, of course, a sprinkling of fantasy.

‘Our imagination is powerful, and when we are in a textationship, we are more likely to be thinking about this encounter as a positive fantasy, which keeps us in a state of spellbinding mystery,’ says Dipti.

‘You get a boost of excitement every time the text alert buzzes, because your imagination is working in your best interest. This love buzz is a nice flood of dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin in the system to lift your mood, and that’s a really lovely feeling.’

Textationships can be a good way to get to know someone and forge a connection without the complications and chaos of modern life getting in the way – especially for those with social anxiety or crippling shyness. 

And, depending on what you’re looking for, they can be extremely fulfilling.

Dipti says: ‘The textationship can be therapeutic and an easy way of sharing your feelings and giving you a sense of deep companionship that remains free of attachment.’

But this is where you need to tread carefully. As clinical psychologist Gemma Harris points out, an on-screen-only relationship could be a red flag. 

Textationships aren’t all bad (Picture: Getty Images)

What are the downsides?

‘Those with relationship avoidance or ambivalence may gravitate towards a text or virtual only relationship because of the perceived control and emotional barrier it offers,’ says Gemma.

‘If someone is resisting moving the relationship into real life, this could be a red flag about their attachment style and their ability to bring themselves fully into a relationship.’

It also leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation, which, as I’m sure many of us have experienced, can lead to some easily-avoidable heartache down the line. 

‘Texts can also get lost in translation,’ says Dipti. ‘The nuance of intention can be misunderstood, misread and misinterpreted, so it’s very important to reflect back what you think the person has said to make sure you are not reading into something wrongly.’

Should you take it into the real world?

The main problem with letting textationships run wild until you decide to meet up in person is that the fantasy might very well be better than the reality – and that’s something you need to be prepared for. 

If you’re looking for genuine companionship, a textationship probably isn’t going to cut it. But how do you move things along?

Firstly, Gemma suggests keeping the conversation well-rounded and broad.

She explains: ‘Often when people persist with a text only relationship they are shopping for a certain fantasy or thing, like making the focus sexual or validation-seeking. 

‘Talking about diverse aspects of yourself and life generally can help remind the person you are a whole person worthy of a meet up.’

Eventually, though, you’ll have to rip the plaster off, lest you spend your Friday nights playing digital house in perpetuity.

Fingers crossed that textual chemistry translates to real life.

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Hey, we’ve all been there.