As we approach wedding season, Metro.co.uk has roped in Alison Rios McCrone, venue owner and planner, to help solve your dilemmas in a weekly agony aunt column…
Dear Alison,
I’m hoping you can help.
My fiancée and I are currently at an impasse: I want a free bar and she doesn’t. Even worse, all her friends and family agree it’s a bad idea but all of mine think it has to be done.
I don’t want any of our guests out of pocket on our big day, and at every wedding I’ve been to where there’s been a pay bar, people have grumbled at having to get their wallets out (myself included).
My fiancée, on the other hand, thinks it’s a terrible idea and that as well as adding to costs for us, people will get overexcited and drink too much, causing havoc.
It’s the one thing we disagree on and I can’t see a way forward. What do you think we should do?
Thanks,
Mark
Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?
Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense.
If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand.
Email [email protected] to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.
Dear Mark,
Many thanks for taking the time to write to me about your wedding dilemma.
Unfortunately the solution to this is not going to be found by choosing one option or another, but by compromising.
You need to sit down with your fiancée and see if you can find some middle ground. Listen to each other and try to understand each other’s perspectives – as you both have made very valid points.
Don’t fret too much about this impasse, as you have a variety of options – it’s not simply a case of all or nothing.
You could offer a free welcome cocktail or a selection of complimentary drinks. You could offer a partially subsidised bar. You could provide a limited open bar for a particular duration. You could give guests a certain number of tokens to exchange for free drinks.
Generally, most weddings offer their guests a complimentary drink after the ceremony, 1/2 bottle of wine during the meal, and a glass of fizz for the toasts during the speeches.
Weddings are exciting, so I can completely understand your fiancee’s trepidation about people getting carried away (Picture: AKP Branding Stories)
After that, you can choose the level of free booze you want to be on offer.
But there are a few areas of concern for you and your partner, so I’m going to break my advice down to address each of those issues: Costs, drunkenness, and wanting to make sure your guests are looked after.
Costs
Firstly, you and your fiancée need to work out how much you want to spend on alcohol and how much you realistically can afford to spend.
Once you have a figure in mind, you can meet with your wedding venue, caterer or whoever is running the bar on the big day, and they can guide you on cost expectations and also how they serve alcohol so that things stay manageable.
This is their area of expertise and something they will have encountered many times before.
Ask the person in charge of bar services what their average spend per guest is for a wedding – in addition to the complimentary drinks mentioned above.
Once you have an accurate quote you can work out whether letting guests leave their wallets at home is a financially viable option for you.
If you decide to go with this, but you wanted to keep the price low, you could opt for a limited bar. This means asking the bar staff to ensure there are no cocktails, single malt whiskies, double servings of spirits, no large (250ml) glasses of wine, and definitely no shots.
If guests then wanted these, it would be their money paying for it. It only takes one table ordering shots for every other table to join in – which can be an expensive, drunken mess!
If you opt to have a free bar for a limited period, discuss with your supplier when is the best time to do this. For example, do they recommend doing this after the first free drink during the reception or after the first dance.
Regardless of which option you choose, decide on the maximum money you want to spend and ensure the bar knows this figure.
I would advise against supplying malt whiskies (Picture: Getty Images/500px)
Drunkenness
Weddings are exciting, so I can completely understand your fiancee’s trepidation about people getting carried away – especially if there is an open bar.
But there are ways to manage this.
When you meet your wedding coordinator, let them know you are considering offering complimentary drinks of some kind. If they are Licensed Premises, they can control people’s consumption so it does not get out of hand.
You could also ask the venue/caterer if the staff could pour the wine during the meal. This gives more control and prevents wastage as bottles will only be opened as needed.
No one will go without, but it also stops guests over-pouring.
If it helps reassure your fiancee, the consumption of alcohol does slow down when food is served. If you don’t think that will stop your friends, you could perhaps opt for a heavier meal choice – rather than sharing platters or fine dining – to help line the stomach. Instead of crisps for a late night snack, you could bring out sarnies.
Another great option I’ve come across in my time is providing drinks tokens for your guests. On top of the complimentary reception drinks, toast glass, and half bottle with dinner, you could decide how many drinks you want your guests to have on the house for the rest of the night.
These tokens, alongside their place setting, could be exchanged for free drinks after food. This would be a great way of keeping the alcohol flowing at a sensible rate, and if people did want to drink more, they could cough up.
Looking after your guests
While you personally may not like having to pay for drinks at weddings, a full complimentary bar is not often expected or all that common.
It’s clear you want to make sure your guests are having a nice time, and while you may not be giving them absolutely everything for free with say, a partially subsidised bar, you will still be looking after them.
The options I have suggested get you to middle ground with your fiancée and already put you beyond the traditional free glasses of fizz and half bottle of wine.
It doesn’t need to be complete free bar or a total pay bar – there are many ways to make sure your guests don’t have to pay too much if they want more alcohol than you can provide.
And ultimately, your friends and family are there to celebrate you – not get really drunk for free – so anything you decide should have their backing. If not, then that is their problem and not yours.
Mark, I have managed many bars at weddings before, and while free bars can be an excellent gesture for guests, they can be expensive and need to be managed well.
As well as your financial situation, and your fiancée, I would also seek guidance from your venue and use their knowledge to find a path that works best for you and your partner.
Compromise and finding common ground are essential for a successful marriage. Remember to value each other’s opinions, as it will help to find a resolution.
I wish you a wonderful wedding and a lifetime of love and happiness.
Find out more about Alison here: alisonriosmccrone.com; and find details of her wedding venue here: altskeith.com.
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I don’t want any of our guests out of pocket on our big day.
