The group clicked instantly (Picture: Maria Sampson)
‘Bit of an odd post, but if you don’t ask, you don’t get,’ wrote Mia Simpson-Smith, on Facebook.
‘I’d love to make some friends,’ she continued. ‘And making new friends once out of education is proving difficult.’
It’s not easy to admit that your social circle is small, which is partly why 20-year-old Mia posted her appeal anonymously, to a local Facebook group for people living in Stafford.
‘I just thought, if people laugh at me, they won’t know who I am,’ she tells Metro.co.uk.
But within hours of her post, Mia was inundated with responses – and her appeal has been a roaring success. A group of around 10 girls now meet regularly, for coffees, cocktails and days out.
‘I’m so happy with how it’s all worked out,’ Mia says. ‘We all reached out and made the effort – I’m proud of all of us for putting ourselves out there.’
Mia moved to Stafford with her boyfriend, Ben (Picture: Mia Simpson-Smith)
Making friends as an adult can be difficult. Once you’ve left education, unless you click with your colleagues, the opportunities to form close bonds with people becomes limited.
And the UK is often described as being in the grip of a ‘loneliness epidemic’ – which was only heightened by the pandemic. It’s such a concern, that the government now produces an annual report on tackling loneliness.
Almost a quarter of adults report feeling lonely always, often or some of the time, and young people are particularly affected, with almost 40% of people aged 16-29 saying that felt lonely always, often or some of the time.
Mia, originally from Coventry, moved to Stafford at the end of March, with her partner, Ben.
She says: ‘Most of my friends live in Coventry or London, so I didn’t really have a group nearby that I could meet up with.
‘Also, in the past couple of years I’ve started develop a bit of anxiety about staying over at other people’s houses. I don’t know where it came from – I’m quite an outgoing person – but it became even more difficult to spend time with friends who live far away.
‘My partner is great, and he’s my best friend, but I missed going out with girls.’
Then, one night, in April, Mia found herself home alone. She says: ‘Ben had gone out with his friends and I was sat in the living room, drinking wine and getting drunk by myself.
‘And I just thought: “Why am I doing this alone?”
The group’s first night out was at Vodka Revs in Stafford (Picture: Maria Sampson)
‘So with a bit of Dutch courage, I decided to post on Facebook. There’s a bit of a stigma attached around not having lots of friends, and I was a bit embarrassed so I posted anonymously.’
Taking to Facebook, Mia wrote: ‘I like going on walks with my dogs, going out for food/drinks, travelling, gaming, going to concerts, overall just having a laugh!
‘Everyone tells me I’m an old soul, so I really I don’t care what age you are, as long as we have a few similar interests or we can make each other laugh.’
Within hours Mia had up to 30 comments, by the next morning, it was 70.
‘I couldn’t believe it,’ she says. ‘It was a relief to know I wasn’t the only person feeling in need of some new friends.’
Maria Sampson was one of the many people that responded to Mia’s appeal.
Despite living in Stafford her entire life, she’s struggled to make friends as an adult.
Maria, 25, says: ‘I grew up in Stafford. I’ve got a couple of friends from school, but I work nine to five during the week, while my best friend works at the weekends, so it can be hard to find time to meet up.
‘And other people I know of from school are already in established friendship groups.
How to talk to new people
Valentina Dragomir, a psychotherapist and founder of PsihoSensus, shares her tips:
Read people’s body language. It can be helpful to read a person’s body language for clues about whether they’re open to talking. People who are open to talking to you will generally exhibit body language that is relaxed and open. They may make eye contact, smile, or lean in towards you.’
Consider your body language. Make sure your body language is open and inviting. Uncross your arms, make eye contact and smile.
Find a talking point. A good way to open a conversation with a stranger is to comment on their appearance or clothing. You could say something like, “Nice outfit! Where did you get it?” This will help to break the ice and make it easier for both of you to start talking. Then, try to find common ground with the person you want to talk to.
Take a real interest. Be genuine and interested in the person you’re talking to. Listen attentively and ask questions.
Keep in touch. It’s an excellent idea to ask for their number or other means for keeping in touch. However, if the other person doesn’t want to give you their number, that’s okay, too. It might just mean that they’re not interested in making new friends right now.
‘It meant I didn’t have anyone to just spontaneously meet up with – I felt quite lonely.’
But when Maria saw Mia’s post, she immediately knew she wanted to comment – but felt nervous to do so.
She says: ‘It was really refreshing to see that it wasn’t just me that was struggling to make friends.
‘I really wanted to respond to Mia, but after being bullied at school, I find it hard to be vulnerable.
‘I wrote and deleted my comment twice before finally having the courage to post.
‘As soon as I’d done it, I felt really excited.’
Mia started a Facebook group for everyone who had replied to her post, and quickly, a plan was formed. Less than three weeks later, the group met up at Vodka Revs.
More nights out have already been planned (Picture: Maria Sampson)
And the group say they bonded quickly. Mia says: ‘We didn’t just discuss surface level stuff. We were talking about our relationships, sharing problems, giving each other advice. It felt like we’d known each other for years.’
These sentiments are echoed by Grace Ferguson, 26. She moved to Stafford six months ago with her then boyfriend, but the pair have now split up.
Grace says: ‘I’m originally from Liverpool, but left my hometown at 18 to move down to Wiltshire for university.
‘I had friends dotted around, in places like Bristol and Chippenham, but I was fed up of being so far away from my family – I felt like was missing out – so my ex and I decided to move to Stafford.
‘I really like living here. I have a great job and I love walking my dog in the countryside, but when my ex and I split, I wasn’t sure where to go.
‘After much deliberation I decided that, seen as life had brought me to Stafford – I’d stay here. But I only really had long distance friends who lived elsewhere.’
So, when Grace saw Mia’s Facebook appeal, she also decided to seize the opportunity.
She says: ‘I commented and then Mia and I started messaging. After messaging back and forth, I decided to give her a call.
‘We were chatting away and getting on really well.’
Grace also agrees that the group hit it off straight away.
She says: ‘It was just really lovely. It felt like we all already knew each other – it was weird!’
The first met up was such a success, that a second night out has already taken place, with more events lined up.
Grace says: ‘It’s been such a positive experience for me, especially going through a break up.
‘I got support from this random group of girls who are now becoming really good friends too. I’m really happy about it.’
And as well as making friends, the group have noticed other benefits too.
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Maria adds: ‘I left that first meet up on such a high, and I feel much more confident now.
‘I’ve learnt that it’s okay to be vulnerable and that taking a risk like this can really pay off.
‘I’ve met some really beautiful people. I feel like we’re going to be friends for life.’
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‘It’s okay to be vulnerable.’
