Ivy was seeing a psychosexual therapist until she realised the cause of her pain (Picture: Myles Goode/ getty)

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Ivy*, a 36-year-old lesbian woman, whose sex drive was ‘non-exist’ when she was married to a man.

‘I would describe my personal relationship with sex as evolving,’ she says. ‘When I was married, before I came out as a lesbian, I was referred for psychosexual therapy for undiagnosed vaginismus – when the vagina suddenly tightens up when you try to insert something into it.’

Ivy, who lives in Glasgow, has now been dating the same woman, Joyce*, for 18 months and no longer has problems in the bedroom. In fact, she has sex around four times a week.

Ivy says: ‘Since discovering my sexuality I’m overjoyed to be horny again and to explore what sex and intimacy looks like with a woman.

‘There is a good balance of familiarity and a sense of safety to have new experiences. When I was with a man I didn’t see the point in sex but now, I want to see how sex can deepen the connection I have with another person and myself.’

So without further ado here’s how she got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Monday

I slept over at Joyce’s house last night and we’re both off work today, so we start the day with a nice chat lying in bed. We’ve been getting more emotionally intimate lately and it feels like a big step for both of us to get vulnerable.

This morning we talk about how much sex we expect from a long-term relationship which I find difficult to answer because my sex drive was non-existent, but now I have the urge almost every day.

I say three times a week but I’m interested to see how my sex drive settles as I only came out as a lesbian last year, so I’m assuming being on the high end of the spectrum might just be a late bloomer thing.

The chat turns to telling each other how we like to masturbate. Both of us naked in the sheets is so comforting. I kiss her nipples and she says she’s enjoying it.

I rest my thigh between her legs and keep kissing her until she tells me she wants me to penetrate her from behind with my fingers. Soon, she’s on all fours telling me exactly what to do to her, and then I’m on my back with her head in between my legs.

When I come, I squirt so much that it makes us both laugh. Squirting is hilarious to me, and it’s something I only just started doing this year. It’s awesome to see my body reacting in new ways, even though lying in the wet patch isn’t my favourite way to bathe in post-coital bliss.

Later that night we have sex again on her living room floor with the door closed to keep the cat away, (we love him but it’s a bit creepy when he watches us orgasm) with me tribbing her on top before switching. I love that having sex with a woman frees me up from stereotypical gender roles and it feels more like a collaboration.

Tuesday

I leave Joyce’s place mid-morning and go back to mine. I unpack my overnight bag and retrieve a weekend’s worth of underwear. Although she’s seen me in my worst underwear, I still enjoy the act of getting my ‘nice’ panties washed and ready for the weekend.

I have sex DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) from the weekend and decide to pause my gym membership because clearly I’m getting sufficient workouts in the bedroom.

Wednesday

I realise that I’ve left my laptop charger at her flat so travel across town to pick it up.

We work together in the local library and when she accidentally drops a biscuit in her coffee, the sight of her fishing it out with her fingers makes me blush.

She sees me giggling and we have a flash of eye contact as she licks frothy coffee off her fingertips. I don’t tend to stay at hers during the week, so there’s no sex tonight but I got a thrill out of the library scene nonetheless.

Thursday

I’m working from home today and we’re texting back and forth. Later in the evening over message, we decide to have a sex debrief – something that we started in the early days because I was just so excited about everything we did that I couldn’t help but talk about it afterwards.

I really value the conversations because they help me understand her pleasure better. I also like the opportunity to talk about the stuff I do and don’t like.

I tell her that I liked the view of her when she was on top of me, and she tells me she liked the parts where we went slow. We discuss the sex toy we’ve been using and both agree that we’d like to get one that’s a bit smaller and made of softer material.

Although it’s nice to have these chats in person, there is also an element of comfort that comes with writing it out in a message instead, to get total clarity without feeling like I’m stumbling over my words or feeling awkward.

Friday

After a day of work, I head over to her house with a curry. Then we get into bed, eat dessert and start watching a film but it’s pretty bad. We decide it’s too cringey to keep watching so we snuggle under the sheets.

She pulls me in close to get warm and after a few minutes I can’t resist stroking her hair and neck. Before long I’m on my knees eating her out, and she’s moaning into a pillow so that the neighbours don’t hear her climaxing.

When she’s finished we kiss for a long time before she asks me to lay on my front so she can use a sex toy on me. I touch myself at the same time and come quickly, then turn around and pull her on top of me so that she can kiss me and bite my neck and I come again before we drift off to sleep.

Saturday

We’re out for lunch and Joyce gets a bit tipsy, whispering to me that on the way home we should find a secluded place to get frisky. It’s been snowing but we head through a dimly lit park and lean up against a fence in front of the river and start making out.

I stroke her breasts through her jumper and before I know it we have our hands in each other’s underwear.

She makes me come surprisingly quickly, especially as I was looking over both her shoulders constantly in case we got caught by any passersby. We hold hands walking home and giggle at all the people we meet on the path, knowing that they just missed a public sex show.

After dinner, she falls asleep early so no more sex.

Sunday

It’s a rush to get ready this morning as I’m going out for lunch with my friends so we have coffee together in bed and a quick kiss before I go.

I spend the afternoon with friends and take great pride in sharing my tale of being fingered in the park.

When I get back to hers, we start talking about the other places we could potentially have sex in public. I say I want to do it in the women’s changing rooms in a clothing store and maybe a cinema while she says a hot tub or a hotel room.

Talking about the things that turn us on is such a big turn-on for me, so it’s not long before we are back in bed with her on top. We’re trying out a new lube so she covers a finger and puts it deep inside me and I come three times in about ten minutes.

I’m almost too exhausted to return the favour but after a quick rest I’m ready to go, and start by kissing her neck and then her ear, enjoying teasing her as I know she is already turned on from what she just did to me.

I’m still a bit cautious about being too deep inside her so I go easy and wait until she asks me to go deeper with my fingers. When I do, she makes noises I’ve never heard before and it’s incredibly hot. When she comes I’m so turned on again that I grind on her lubed-up knee until I come again too.

We flop into a hug, both saying how relaxed we are before dozing off, me content and peaceful… on the wet patch.

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Now I finish three times in 10 minutes.