Emily Clarkson is tackling the tough questions from you this week (Picture: Getty/Metro.co.uk)
Dear Em, I had kids with an anti-vaxxer – what do I do?
I am really sorry for you, because this is such a HUGE thing to be polarised on. Ultimately you do need to respect that while you think your husband might be misguided; he no doubt has your kid’s best interest at heart and therefore believes that vaccinations do pose a real threat to them.
I think with this in mind, the way that you’ll get through to him will be with information.
You need to counter the evidence he has seen with facts of your own. Hear your husband’s concerns and take some time to go away and collate enough information that disproves them, and you need to go through it all together.
See if your GP would be willing to have this conversation with you both as well. Show him the science and the studies but try to tap into his humanity too; implore him to respect your opinions and let him hear why it is so important to you that your children are vaccinated.
If this is really important to you, as it would be to me, then don’t give up on it. You need to find a way to properly communicate with your husband about this issue.
Dear Em, my sisters in law are insisting on coming to my hen do even though they’ve been bitching behind my back about it. How do I stop them?
If there’s one thing no one wants at a hen-do it’s a martyr and I’m sorry because it sounds like you have a couple of them heading your way.
If I were you I’d take one final stab at letting them know that you really aren’t expecting them to come. Depending on how brave you’re feeling I’d send a variation of this template: “hi girls, my fiancé has let me know your financial concerns and given that, and the fact I know you don’t like my friends, I really think it’s best that you don’t come, no hard feelings from my side at ALL, love you both can’t wait to see you at the wedding!”
Of course, that totally means chucking your partner under the bus, but it might get you the outcome you want.
Metro.co.uk’s agony aunt to the rescue (Picture: Natasha Pszenicki)
If that’s not an option then honestly babe let them come. And let them have a miserable time. And spend money that they didn’t want to, to be with people that they don’t like, and pity them for it. This is their choice, and more fool them for making a choice that makes them unhappy. You didn’t force them to, in fact you gave them ample opportunity not to. So this absolutely doesn’t have to be your problem, and they do NOT have the power to ruin your weekend.
They may well try, by being negative and petty and judgemental and bitchy, but that’s because on the inside they’re feeling all of those things, which is really sad.
So, we feel sorry for them, but otherwise we are not affected by them. You’ll have the best time with the people that love you, and if they can’t get on that train then leave them (metaphorically) at the station. Or literally, if they’re being really awful.
Dear Em, I want to divorce my husband. How do I tell him?
Truthfully. And lovingly. At a time, this was a man that knew you better than anyone else in the world and someone you trusted entirely with your heart. So, I think you owe it to that version of you both to be honest with him.
I can’t attest to the state of your relationship now, but if this is a case of no one being at huge fault, but the love having fizzled, then I think you just need to rip the band-aid off.
In the long run he will be more hurt by the resentment that you will emanate living with a man who you don’t love anymore – you both will.
Set aside a time to be together, just the two of you, somewhere you can talk, maybe go for a walk, maybe cook him something nice for dinner, and tell him how you feel, eve though it’s terrifying and you know it will hurt.
You owe it to yourself to be happy, and you aren’t right now. By leaving him you are giving both of you the opportunity to build a new life filled with love, and that is a gift, even if it doesn’t feel like it now. You’ll be alright, and so will he. Good luck.
