I don’t know when it’ll end and, quite frankly, I don’t care (Picture: Getty Images)

This morning, I woke up feeling well-rested after a full night’s sleep – which wouldn’t be so impressive if I didn’t have a 10-month-old daughter. 

See, my daughter Vivian* has been sleeping in the same bed as me since she was four weeks old.

And, for us, it works. 

We both get a better night’s sleep and, as a very clingy baby, it reassures Vivian that I’m always there if she needs me.

I don’t know when it’ll end and, quite frankly, I don’t care.

Yet, I am far from alone in co-sleeping with my child – more than three-quarters of parents have reported sharing a bed with their baby at some point. 

Worryingly, 40% admitted to doing so in a dangerous situation, such as on a sofa, having drunk alcohol, or as a smoker. 

Which is why reading that the NHS guidelines have been updated to include information on how to safely bed-share with your baby came as such a relief.

Previously, the NHS has held an abstinence-only approach to bed-sharing. Guidelines on reducing the risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) simply stated: ‘do not share a bed with your baby’. 

To me, there’s nothing inherently wrong with bed-sharing, so long as it’s done safely. 

But when I was pregnant, I’d never have dreamed I’d be in the situation I’m in now. 

Our health visitor had been quite strict that our baby should be in our room, but not in our bed, as per NHS guidelines at the time. Before she was born this had seemed totally normal to me, of course she would be in a cot – isn’t that where all babies slept?

Yet, in the first few hazy, sleepless weeks of parenthood, it became clear that our daughter didn’t like to be alone. Vivian would cry and fuss as soon as we put her down.

As adults, we prefer to sleep next to the person we love, so why would I expect my baby to sleep by herself?

My husband and I had been taking turns to stay up holding her while she slept at night, but it was completely unsustainable. Especially after he went back to work. 

And who could blame her? She’d just spent nine months inside my body, after all.

At first I was shocked when, amidst a particularly long night of Vivian not settling, my husband suggested bringing her in so that we could all get some sleep. 

Wasn’t it dangerous?

After doing some research, we found a study that showed that, in the absence of risk factors like sofa-sharing, alcohol use, or smoking, there’s no significant increased risk to bed-sharing with your baby under three months. 

We went into it informed and safely and had the best nights’ sleep I’d had since early pregnancy. 

Our bed is low to the ground and has the firmest mattress we could find, as per safe sleep guidelines. I also sleep in a sweatshirt with the blankets only pulled up to my waist, with no pillows near Vivian, to make sure that nothing goes near her face.

I also don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, or take any medications that could make me drowsy – and sleep on my side facing Vivian (who sleeps on her back), curled around her in a C-shape.

And since that night, we haven’t looked back. 

Vivian sleeps in bed with me, so when she wakes up, I’m right there to comfort and feed her, and we all can get back to sleep quickly. 

Now, sharing a bed with her seems like the most natural thing in the world to me. I love holding her warm little body and being right there to comfort her if she wakes up at night. 

So why do people still tell me that she should be in a cot, instead? As adults, we prefer to sleep next to the person we love, so why would I expect my baby to sleep by herself? 

At the beginning, when friends and family used to ask how sleep was going with a young one, I admitted that we bed-shared like it was a bad habit. I knew there was a stigma around co-sleeping – and was worried about their reactions.

Other parents of young children often gave me a relieved: ‘Oh, me too’. Some friends even told me that our set-up sounded ideal because they spent all night playing musical beds with a toddler.

Others have been less than impressed, though. Older relatives, in particular, seem to see bed-sharing with your baby as unsafe at worst, and a gross inconvenience at best. 

‘When will it end?’ they ask, or: ‘What’s going to happen when she goes off to university?’ – with the implication being that she’ll never learn to sleep independently.

The other question that often comes up is how my husband feels about this arrangement. 

But, truthfully, all three of us sleep better this way. Occasionally, Vivian wakes up in the night, but she reaches out for me instead of crying, and as soon as she reassures herself that I’m still there, we both go right back to sleep.

She will grow out of bed-sharing when she’s ready, but throughout school, her teens, and even as an adult, I want her to feel that she can come to me any time (even in the middle of the night) – and I’ll be there for her.

I proudly tell people I co-sleep now, and I’m the first to suggest it when other parents are having trouble with infant sleep.

Bed-sharing isn’t the right decision for every family, but it works for us — and I already know that when my daughter is ready to sleep alone, I’ll miss it.

*Names have been changed

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For me, there’s nothing inherently wrong with bed-sharing, so long as it’s done safely.