First Valentine’s together? Tricky terrain! (Picture: Getty)
Valentine’s Day is a very special occasion designed to celebrate love and totally, completely, utterly cause panic.
If you’re newly coupled up, the pressure sets in. You have to get the perfect gift and arrange the most romantic possible night.
And when you’re not quite coupled up but not quite single, when you’re dating, or you’ve just met someone new, the looming presence of Valentine’s Day is absolute torture.
Are you supposed to do romantic stuff? Is it appropriate to buy stuff with hearts on if you haven’t said ‘I love you’ yet? Should you expect something? What if they’re expecting a gift from you and you’ve done nothing?
IT’S ALL TOO STRESSFUL.
The answer to stress, we reckon, is an agreed upon set of rules. Rules you can refer back to in case you and the person you’re kind of, sort of seeing have a mismatch in Valentine’s Day expectations and actions.
So. Here’s our guide to dealing with the weirdness.
If you didn’t celebrate Christmas, you don’t need to celebrate Valentine’s Day
Dating expert Charly Lester told Metro.co.uk that her rule of thumb is that if you weren’t together at Christmas – or didn’t do presents at Christmas time – then you shouldn’t expect to celebrate Valentine’s Day.
This is a brilliant rule for two reasons.
Firstly, because if you’ve dated from Christmas to Valentine’s Day, you’ve been at dating for at least a month and a half. Any less time than that, and you’re probably rushing into V Day romance too quickly.
And secondly, because if you didn’t exchange gifts over Christmas, you haven’t yet hit the gift-exchanging stage.
It’s an easy way to figure out the Valentine’s Day conundrum, basically, with a simple, black and white rule. We’re into it.
It’s about the type of dating you’ve been doing, not just how long you’ve been dating for
Project Love’s Selina Barker reckons Valentine’s Day celebrations all depend on how the new relationship is going.
‘If you’ve fallen for one another in a big way and you both know it, then you might love the opportunity to spend a day celebrating your new-found love,’ Selina told us.
‘But if you’re taking it slow and seeing how things go, then you might want to give a light-hearted nod towards Valentine’s Day – a jokingly cheesy card or a chocolate heart.’
Essentially, if you and the person you’re dating have been super mushy and romantic from the get-go, you’ll probably want to do something for Valentine’s Day.
If you’ve been keeping it casual, haven’t said the L word, and haven’t organised any romantic gestures, it’d be a bit weird to suddenly make a huge effort for Valentine’s Day.
Don’t go too big if it’s early days
If you’re unsure as to whether or not you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day, but don’t want to risk upsetting the person you’re dating by giving them nothing, just pick up something small and simple.
Think a card, a bunch of flowers, or a box of chocolates.
Don’t drop a load of cash or organise a posh dinner out. The risk that they won’t get you anything in return and you’ll look really keen is too damn high.
Try not to be upset if the person you’re dating ignores Valentine’s Day entirely
Not everyone celebrates the day (Picture: Getty)
If you’ve just started dating, it’s likely that they’re struggling to figure out what’s appropriate, too.
So don’t freak out and read into their lack of romantic gestures as a sign that they secretly hate you. They don’t.
Judge the relationship based on how it’s been going on all the days leading up to V Day, not just on their behaviour on the one day society tells you has to be romantic.
But don’t be the one to act like Valentine’s Day doesn’t exist
Don’t be the person that studiously pretends that they had no idea Valentine’s Day was happening. No one believes you.
If you’ve decided not to celebrate with gifts and cards (whether because you haven’t been dating for that long or you just can’t be bothered), at least send a text mentioning the day.
You can say ‘happy Valentine’s Day, btw’. Anything. Even if it’s a jokey reference.
Pretending it’s not happening makes you seem cagey.
Talk about it
Now is a good time to work out ‘where this is going’ (Picture: Getty/MylesGoode)
Hey, you know the easiest way to suss out WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON on Valentine’s Day? Ask the person you’re dating.
Open up the conversation in a chilled out, casual way. Something along the lines of ‘Valentine’s Day is coming up… is that a big day for you? Is it something you want to celebrate?’
Charly Lester says: ‘If you’ve only been together for a few months, it’s worth discussing it with the other person.
‘Are you doing gifts? Will you be spending the day together? If you talk honestly about it, then there won’t be any awkward assumptions, or one person making far more of an effort than the other.’
Probably the wisest option.
MORE : Husband’s homemade chandelier vase dubbed ‘the most romantic’ Valentine’s gift
MORE : 18 messages to write in a Valentine’s Day card if you’ve just started dating
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