It’s been quite the year (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)
It’s been a smutty year, to say the least. We’ve learnt about fetishes, fallacies and all kinds of sex secrets in 2022, thanks to Metro.co.uk’s podcast Smut Drop.
There has been laughter, thankfully no tears, and a whole load of expert opinions and first hand tales on all things saucy. And we ain’t talking about condiments.
In this week’s episode, host Miranda Kane has decided to treat us to a round up of all the tantalisingly best bits of advice she’s heard this year.
So, as Miri would say, strap in (and on), and let your mind be blown by just some of the amazing insights into the world of sex we think you’ll ever hear. No one is holding back, that’s for sure.
How to flirt, with Jean Smith
Flirt in the moment (Picture: Getty Images)
What’s the secret to flirting? Well, wouldn’t we all love to know. If you’ve ever found yourself chatting to hot people about the weather, or if you have a habit of snorting when you laugh, this episode is for you.
Because amazingly, cultural and social anthropologist Jean Smith actually has the answer. Stop right there before you speed ahead: ironically, that’s where you’re going wrong. As well as being warm and open, key character traits in any good flirt, you really have to learn to stop thinking ahead.
‘Don’t write a story in your head before you go up to someone in a bar,’ says Jean. If you’ve already got a big spiel planned out, and even if you’re thinking about whether you are going to click or not, you may as well go home.
‘It’s about being in the moment and starting with a “hello”, or a “what are you drinking?”‘ says Jean. That is why it’s so exciting, duh. Because anything can happen.
If you’re struggling to think of anything witty or remarkable to say (don’t we all), look around you and ask a question that connects the two of you to your shared context. ‘It’s about creating a reality for just the two of you,’ says Jean.
So whilst commenting on the weather is not ideal, you’re actually not as far off from flirting perfection than you may think…
The secret life of a penis, with Dr Piet Hoebeke
Unravelling the mysteries of the peen (Picture: Getty Images)
For something that half of the population have, no one talks about penises enough. Miranda and her guest Dr Hoebeke, wanted to erect – I mean, correct – this. So they put the world to rights in this episode.
One mystery of the penis that’s plagued many people for centuries – well, before google and Dr Hoebeke came along anyway – is why it looks like a shiitake mushroom. Why, indeed.
There’s actually a very good reason for that. ‘In the vagina there is acid fluids and the head cleans the vagina on penetration,’ explains Dr Hoebeke. Sperm don’t like acid, you see. But not only that, the head also removes any semen that came before (ha, ha), so its own little swimmers get to the front of the fertilisation queue.
Dr Hoebeke sums it right up: ‘The mushroom form of the penis it to clean the way to get your sperm free reign to the uterus.’ Clever. Maybe now’s the time to cancel ‘knob’ as an insult..? Personally, I find it offensive now.
What a dominatrix knows, with Miss Sandy Star
‘I just have so much fun’ (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)
Ever thought about dominating a man in the bedroom? Well, Sandy Star, professional dominatrix, is your woman. She has all the answers. And she’s very nice.
A lot of Sandy’s clients have an inner fetish they want to explore, whether that be sex with a strap on, wanting to be humiliated, spanked, or restrained. All in a day’s work, ey?
‘I’m not a sadist,’ she chuckles. ‘I don’t nail people’s balls to pieces of wood.’ That’s reassuring. So what’s it all about then? ‘A lot of the time they’ve got that thing in their head and they’ve got to get it out,’ Sandy says. Often, having lived their fetish, her clients return to their normal lives feeling lighter and better for it.
Sandy loves it: ‘I just have so much fun.’
What the hell is financial domination, with Miss Fox
How to make a million (Picture: Getty Images/EyeEm)
You may have heard of financial domination before. But it’s changed over the years. It’s now called FinDom, for starters. But what used to be controlling a man’s finances and giving them a budget whilst taking a generous cut yourself, is now a pretty quick and blunt transaction.
‘It can be a very hard and fast, like, real quick thing where you’re taking money from a man and saying, “Go away and find some more,”‘ says professional dominatrix Miss Foxx. And they do. ‘It gives them a sense of purpose,’ she adds.
Miss Foxx is thought to be the first FinDom millionaire. ‘We’re both happy with what’s happening,’ she says to those who accuse her of taking advantage of her clients. Right or wrong, you’ve got to admit, it’s genius.
How to live with, work with and love your partner, with Adam All
The secret to a happy marriage is… (Picture: Getty Images/500px)
Drag King star Adam All performs with, lives with and loves his wife Apple. The pair have been together for 11 years, and happily married for three.
They breathe the same air day in, day out, and yet their relationship stays strong. And whilst most of us were tearing our hair out at our other half in lockdown for leaving a teaspoon in the sink, they were enjoying each other’s company. Wait… What? Tell us how!
‘Our whole relationship is based on a fundamental truth in that both of us want it to work,’ says Adam. ‘It’s very easy to overcome any arguments because we know deep down the other is just trying to make this work.’
So simple, yet so abstract. Yet so simple. Yet so…
More: Smut Drop
Don’t fall out of your pelvic floor, with Dr Anand Patel
Look after that pelvic floor folks (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)
There has been a lot of chat recently about the pelvic floor. But what is it? Why am I scared to google it? And why does everyone keep banging on about them?
Enter Lovehoney’s Dr Anand Patel, an expert in all things sexual function. He explains that our pelvic floor is essentially the holey figure of eight muscle around our genitals (whatever that may be), and our arsehole.
‘Like all muscles, if you train them they are more functional,’ says Anand. And this one is particularly important, as it’s holding up all your pelvic organs. Yikes. But don’t worry if you train it, you can improve your sex life, bladder and bowels. Don’t shout at it though – it responds better to exercise.
Okay, but why is this even necessary? If you think about it, Anand explains, your pelvic floor used to be the back door, not the floor. You know, when we walked around on all fours. But now that we’re upright hunnies, it’s got a lot more to hold up. So best keep it happy…
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It’s been quite the year.
