It may be worth having a chat before they’re teenagers (Picture: Getty Images/Maskot)
Children are being exposed to pornography while they’re still in primary school, according to a new study for the children’s commissioner for England.
And while most parents would rather pretend it isn’t happening, burying your head in the sand unfortunately does nothing to protect their innocence.
Instead, it can be highly beneficial for parents to have a frank conversation with children about porn early on – especially as some kids are stumbling across it on the internet accidentally, leaving them with more questions than answers.
In the survey of 1,000 16-21-year-olds, 38% said they had found pornographic content inadvertently and a quarter said this first occurred before their teenage years.
By the age of 13, exactly half of those surveyed said they’d seen pornographic content.
Do parents need to worry about it?
There are two main issues with children and teens seeing porn, says Lucy Beresford, a broadcaster and practicing psychotherapist.
‘Firstly, it can seriously derail your sense of what is normal, joyous, consensual sex. From thinking that pubic hair is disgusting or believing that women are merely sex objects, to assuming that strangling is necessary to thinking rape is acceptable, porn normalises activities or beliefs that are far removed from most normal sex,’ she tells Metro.co.uk.
‘And because some of the imagery in porn is being watched too young in a child’s sexual development, it could scare them, make them afraid of sex, or it could keep them stuck at a developmental stage that then gets played out in adulthood meaning they struggle to develop respectful or fulfilling relationships, or struggle to get aroused by “normal” sexual activity. ‘
Adults have previously told Metro.co.uk how watching porn as teens impacted their understanding of sex.
‘I can remember my ex-boyfriend coming home one day with under bed restraints and bondage equipment that he’d bought from the local sex shop,’ a woman named Sarah* recalled.
‘I was 16 and he was 24. I knew that they were for me, and I knew that it wasn’t something I wanted.
‘But I felt like I couldn’t say no, or ask questions about what was happening, or stop it, even if I wanted to.
‘Why? Because I felt like I needed to perform; like I’d seen the women in porn perform.’
‘Talk to your children in age-appropriate language’ (Picture: Getty)
How can you talk to your child about porn?
Obviously you want to keep any conversation on this topic age-appropriate and ‘what age is the right age?’ is probably something for parents to judge on a case by case basis.
One of the best ways to approach the topic – which they’ll likely find just as awkward as you – is to have a chat when you are alone with your child, says Lucy.
It can help to be doing something alongside each other, ‘like sitting in the car when you are driving, or doing the washing up,’ she adds.
‘Mention that, as a parent, it’s part of your role to keep your child safe but also to prepare them for being a grown-up,’ she says.
‘Say that you’re just going to say a few words on the topic, and then keep to your promise and keep it brief. Say that porn is easy to find but it can be damaging and unrealistic to watch.
‘Mention that it can make you aroused – in fact, it is designed to be arousing – but it’s just fantasy. Like watching a superhero movie is fantasy, but no-one watching really thinks they have special powers.’
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Finally, Lucy recommends mentioning that sex is really enjoyable and so it’s better not to watch porn because it can spoil things.
‘Then end the conversation by saying that if they have any questions, you are always happy to talk about the topic,’ she adds.
And if you’ve already found pornographic content on your child’s phone?
The most important thing is not to freak out, says Lucy.
‘Show your child that you are calm and emotionally stable around this topic so they know they can always talk to you about such matters,’ she says.
‘Also, don’t get angry with your child, because curiosity is normal and healthy and it is important that children remain curious about the world.
‘Talk to your children in age-appropriate language about how porn might look like sex but is it actually just fiction and made-up, with lots of exaggeration.’
MORE : ‘I felt like I couldn’t say no’: The truth about kids and porn
MORE : Body language expert reveals signs you’re giving someone the ‘ick’
Keep it age-appropriate and most importantly, don’t freak out, say therapists.
