Best dressed and already stressed: Are school proms poisoning teenage girls?

Parents are spending £533 on clothing, makeup and hair alone (Credits: Getty Images)

Amanda Frolich was happy to push the boat out for her daughter Bibi’s prom. The mum, from West London, spent more than £1,000 on an outfit, hair, makeup and a chauffeur-driven car for the 18-year-old’s school event – and reckons it was worth every penny.

Bibi was ‘devastated’ when her Year 11 prom was cancelled due to Covid restrictions in 2021, says Amanda, so she was ready and willing to splash the cash to celebrate her finishing sixth form this summer.

‘I just wanted to make it extra special for her to make up for the loss of not being able to attend the last one,’ says Amanda, who runs kids club company Amanda’s Action Club.

‘Between my husband and I, we paid for everything on her very special day and one which she had been looking forward to for many years.’

Originally a US celebration, school proms are now big business in the UK, usually thrown at the end of a child’s secondary education before they head off to college, sixth form or pastures new. But recently, the notion of proms has come under fire.

Writer Caitlin Moran recently asked why we put girls through the ‘horror of the school prom’, referring specifically to the pressures on girls to fit in during what should be a celebratory event.

And, with a study last year by hotukdeals finding that on average, parents spend £764 on their child’s prom with £533 on clothing, makeup and hair alone, some say costs are spiralling out of control.

Of course, teen boys can choose to wear makeup or dresses too, but the expectations around prom ‘glow ups’ are undoubtedly gendered.

So, is prom all just harmless dress-up? Or does it reinforce sexist beauty standards, at a time when girls are transitioning towards womanhood.

For Amanda, it’s not that deep. ‘Dressing up for very special occasions and one-off events is harmless fun,’ she says, ‘and I don’t see any negativity in doing so.’

Amanda and her teenage daughter, Bibi, ahead of prom (Picture: supplied)

Chartered psychologist Dr Louise Goddard-Crawle warns parents to be aware of the pressures their girls may be feeling, though.

‘Our society often places a stronger emphasis on female appearance, perpetuating beauty ideals through media, advertisements, and popular culture,’ she says.

‘Young women in particular are exposed to images of thin, flawless, and conventionally attractive women, which can create unrealistic expectations and impossible standards.’

With proms specifically, she points out there’s typically ‘more variety and complexity’ in the aesthetic choices typically presented to girls. Never mind the outfit, there’s also hair, makeup, nails, accessories and beauty treatments discussed among friendship groups – and on social media.

‘Girls may feel pressure to find the ‘perfect’ dress and to present themselves in a certain ‘idealised’ way to meet certain expectations,’ she says. ‘Young women are also often subjected to more scrutiny and commentary about their body shape, weight, and overall appearance.’

In a bid to erase the pressures surrounding prom, some teens like Alexandra Wood’s 15-year-old daughter, Aimee, have decided to follow their own path.

‘Ahead of the event, the students had created an Instagram page where all of the girls shared their dresses, but my daughter wasn’t interested in sharing hers – she said: “They can do as they wish but I want to keep mine to myself until the evening,”’ explains Hertfordshire-based Alexandra, who runs a men’s bespoke clothing company.

‘I loved her attitude towards it, and she had a really positive prom experience.’

Alexandra’s daughter Aimee ready for her big night out (Picture: supplied)

Alexandra spent £65 on Aimee’s prom dress, £30 on her shoes and did her hair and makeup herself.

‘I think it’s a nice way to end school and to experience that first really dressed up moment,’ she says. ‘It made it special and more of an occasion.’

The expectation to ‘reveal’ their dresses on social media or have a unique look is one of the drawbacks of modern proms, believes mum and psychologist Samantha Madhosingh from London, whose daughter recently attended her school prom.

‘It’s the value we as a society place on how girls and women should look that is an issue,’ she says. ‘Then there is the additional pressure of not wearing a dress like anyone else. I think this idea is what leads to spending inordinate amounts of money on dresses, but it isn’t necessary.’

Samantha spent just £40 on her daughter’s prom, loaning her one of her own dresses for the occasion instead.

‘I was very clear with my daughter, as I am a single mother, that I wasn’t going to spend huge amounts of money on a three-hour party. In the end, she found a beautiful dress in my wardrobe and bought a great pair of reasonably priced (under £40) shoes, then had a friend do her hair and she did her makeup herself.

‘I also think it is important for parents to set boundaries and budgets on spending for prom and ensure the focus is on having fun. It’s a party! So many girls miss out on the fun because they are more focused on looking good than enjoying themselves.’

Parents are also guilty of caving into pressure. Among those surveyed by hotdealuk, 83% said they felt their kids needed to ‘outdo’ classmates at prom, because of the social media influence. It’s perhaps no surprise then, that even during a cost of living crisis, the price of proms keeps rising.

Dr Louise says involving teenage girls in the decision-making process from the get-go can help break this cycle and alleviate the pressure to overspend.

‘Empower her by helping her understand the importance of sticking to a budget and the value of making thoughtful choices. Encourage her to consider alternative options that can be more affordable while still allowing her to feel special and confident,’ she says.

‘Help her understand that prom is about having fun and creating memories, rather than competing or comparing with peers. Remind her to surround herself with friends who share similar values and can appreciate her individuality.’

So, are proms bad for teenage girls? Well, it depends on the individual child and their personal experience, says Dr Louise. But for parents concerned, why not use prom as the jumping off point for a rather timely life lesson?

‘Perhaps we could frame it in such a way that instead, prom could serve as an opportunity to engage in discussions surrounding societal beauty standards, body image, and self-acceptance,’ she says.

‘By promoting a supportive and inclusive environment, encouraging individuality, and emphasising the importance of inner qualities, parents, educators, and society can help mitigate potential negative effects and foster healthy attitudes towards appearance; in the present and indeed moving forward into adulthood.’

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‘They are more focused on looking good than enjoying themselves.’