Zelda: Tears Of The Kingdom – nothing’s perfect (Picture: Nintendo)

A reader describes how he’s spent 300 hours playing Tears Of The Kingdom and yet all he can think of is plot holes and minor irritations.

Solving a shrine puzzle by flinging myself across a vast abyss after constructing a giant catapult. ‘Accidentally’ launching a Korok into a ravine by attaching two rockets to his backpack, whilst trying to reunite him with his distant friend. A battle with a trio of lurking Lizalfos, where I ended up having to bludgeon the final one to death using a hastily created pickaxe, fashioned from the fallen weapon and severed horn of one of his own recently deceased comrades. All have formed some of the many perfect, stand out, free form gameplay moments I’ve experienced whilst adventuring my way through Nintendo’s latest Zelda triumph.

No, Tears Of The Kingdom doesn’t run at 60fps in Ultra 4K definition. Yes, some of the textures and item models look like they could have been borrowed from the original 64 version of Ocarina Of Time. But the quality of, and imagination present in, some of the puzzles; the general ambiance; the feeling of adventure and discovery around almost every corner; not to mention the sheer level of detail and interaction possible within the vast, apparently seamless game world are all incredible things to experience.

And all happening on a humble Switch. Hardware that was already effectively a generation behind when it launched over six years ago. Simply put, the game is a technical marvel and another textbook example of how gameplay trumps frame rate or graphical fidelity any day.

I love the way they’ve brought some of the classic series monsters back, like the Gibdos, Like-Likes, and even the Gleelocks. Hell, I’ve even found the Zelda voice actress’s performance a noticeable step up from the dull, flat, lifeless delivery she was no doubt directed to give in the previous game.

There’s no doubt that when it’s good, it’s utterly exceptional.

I make it my 11th foray into saving Hyrule (12th if you count the 80s Game & Watch version) and even though I haven’t loved them all equally, I can honestly say that the Legend Of Zelda series is still my all-time gaming favourite.

However, whilst I’ll not be at all surprised to see Tears Of The Kingdom claim the top spot at every 2023 Game Of The Year show going, regardless of how well Starfield turns out (and even as a PlayStation/Switch owner I do genuinely hope it’s really good), I’m increasingly finding that, even more so than with Breath Of The Wild (which I absolutely adored, despite its flaws) it’s pretty far from being a perfect game.

And sadly, some of those imperfections have really started to sour me on it.

Whilst I haven’t technically finished it yet, I have reached what feels like the endgame. All but the last pair of major quests have been completed. Every shrine, light root, well, and a fair number of Sage’s Wills have been uncovered, explored, collected and solved. According to guides (which I’ve only really resorted to using once for anything other than looking up the total numbers of quests/shrines/collectables) I’ve only around 25 side quests still to find/do.

But from where I currently am with it, I have to confess I’m finding it hard to continue. Partly because of the nature of the final few challenges left to overcome, but also due to my lack of will to press on, thanks to the ongoing issues I’ve found with the overall game design.

For starters, I’ve found that, especially when following major quest lines, the game suffers from some major pacing issues. For instance, the path leading to the impossibly high Rito Wind Temple seemed to go on forever. Repeating what felt like an identical series of ‘jump, glide, use Tulin’s feeble (more on this point later) gust power to propel you to the next set of blocks to climb’ tasks felt like horribly needless padding.

At least the reward for making it through was a reasonably sized puzzle box dungeon to explore and a memorable, innovative boss fight. After a similarly slow paced, but mercifully half as long, ascent to the Zora Water Temple, the subsequent dungeon was basically just a (disappointing) boss arena, featuring some switches in tiny rooms dotted around the edges.

Then there’s the fact that I’ve found most of the characters utterly infuriating. Especially the Sages.

By far the worst offender has got to be Yunobo, who’s whole personality and accompanying, unrelenting, dudebro schtick is so grating that, during the Fire Temple, I had to take a few days away from the game to decide if I even wanted to carry on with it. At least Prince Sidon’s constantly smug, overblown optimism was relatively short-lived, because the Water Temple he accompanies you through was so short, but getting stuck in a much more involved mine cart maze with that insufferable Goron imbecile felt like torture. The only saving grace is that, after you’ve completed their respective temples, their spirit avatars are mute when you summon them in game.

I also take issue with all of the Sages’ powers feeling so weak, ineffectual, often awkward to use and like a significant downgrade from those bestowed upon you by the Champions in Breath Of The Wild. Based on what they’re capable of, even when empowered by the addition of enough Sage’s Wills, it’s not at all hard to see how Rauru and his original little army managed to lose their last stand originally. This new bunch seem even more pathetic!

The majority of the side quests and endless random assist the recurring character do a pointless thing encounters feel like never-ending time sinks that hardly ever yield anything worthwhile. I actually kinda enjoy the hold up the sign puzzles, but every time I see him, I want to punch that berk with the bowl cut in the face.

Similarly, assaulting and clearing out any of the monster strongholds and encampments feels utterly pointless. 50 rupees, 10 arrows, something you haven’t got room for, or a tiny handful of bomb flowers are scant reward for the time and effort it takes to get any of them. Not when you’ve had to use and lose a bunch of your best weapons and consumables to do it. And especially not when the inevitable Blood Moon rises, mere moments later, resurrecting everything but the rewards.

Zelda: Tears Of The Kingdom – plot is never important in Zelda games (pic: Nintendo)

The game is also riddled with weird plot holes, bizarre narrative choices, and annoying inconsistencies. Let’s also gloss over the daft fact that the Gloom’s corruption of weapons only applies to melee weapons and shields, yet not at all to bows, when in almost every Zelda game ever, special arrows from magical bows have actually proved instrumental in defeating Ganon.

Or not question the ridiculous Ascend power. Sure, its gameplay uses are fun, but why is it so limited? Why can’t Link just lie down, pointing in the direction he wants to go, and use it to warp through walls? Or do a handstand and use it to burrow into the ground? If a species or civilisation is sufficiently advanced it can grant individuals the power to travel upwards through any volume of matter, why couldn’t they also tweak it to work in any other given direction too?

What happened to the mountains of advanced Sheikah technology left littering the landscape at the end of Breath Of The Wild? Why has Zelda, a literal princess, who already owns a huge, luxurious castle, not only stolen Link’s humble house from the last game but also irretrievably thrown out all his clothes, maxed out armour, and stored weapons into the bargain?

Why is Yunobo’s cannon ball ability able to destroy the three monstrous volcano titan monster things in one, single, badly aimed hit each, but it takes 20+ goes with the same move to break down some of the destructible rock barriers in the various underground caves? Or why does it only do the equivalent of chip damage to most regular monsters you encounter, even at point blank range?

Which leads me nicely on to my issues with the combat, and the fact that the weapon fragility issue is now beyond a joke. I know Nintendo justified Breath Of The Wild’s controversial breakable weapons as a mechanic to encourage players to experiment with different combat strategies and approaches to the various enemies in the game. Although I admit it could definitely be annoying at times, I ended up not minding it too much. Even by the mid-game, I rarely found myself short of something decent to fall back on, whatever I was fighting.

However, whilst having the Gloom degrading weapons as a story point to explain why they now break even more easily makes a certain degree of narrative sense in Tears Of The Kingdom, the fact that even powerfully fused weapons still crumble like they’re made of over matured Stilton means you’re now never holding anything for long enough to develop a worthwhile fighting style or approach with any given foe.

But the absolute worst offender here has got to be the Master Sword itself.

In the mythology of the Zelda series, this is supposedly a weapon that was forged as a vessel to house the spirit of a Goddess, tempered with an indestructible, time-controlling mineral and powered up to full strength via a variety of methods in over a dozen previous games, including the instalment set a mere five years before this one, if you finished the Breath Of The Wild DLC.

All of this has created a blade that’s repeatedly been shown to be capable of controlling time, sealing away darkness itself, has driven back or outright killed dozens of incarnations of Ganon, and has even destroyed a literal demon god, Demise.

Yet now, I’m supposed to accept that this legendary weapon being wielded by the legendary hero of prophecy deals considerably less damage per strike than blows delivered by a random cave crawling monster waving a mushroom stuck to the end of a long stick.

Not only that, but that, even when fully charged said blade can only inflict less than half a health bar worth of damage to a single silver Bokoblin before it breaks again?

It feels like I’d have more chance of victory Fusing a Sundelion to a Gnarled Wooden Stick and using that to waft him back.

Perhaps the worst issue I’ve found is with the armour system, though. Having to find or buy it all is bad enough, especially when so much of it is identical to what you already had in the last game (plus, I’m literally trying to save the world, you greedy bums, why are you charging me hundreds, or even thousands of rupees to buy kit I need to resist the cold/heat I’ll face going to solve a problem that directly affects your entire species, and that you’ve specifically asked for my help with in the first place?), but upgrading any of the armour to be anything like worthwhile is depressingly arduous.

Zelda: Tears Of The Kingdom – what’s your favourite nit-pick? (pic: Nintendo)

I’ve never been a fan of constantly having to change my outfit every time I want to do anything, find myself entering a new environment, or just because the weather changes randomly at the best of times, but when the requirements to make even a single piece offer anything like a decent level of protection are so prohibitively steep, it’s extremely frustrating.

‘But that’s optional, you don’t have to do it!’ I can hear people cry. No, technically I don’t. But if I want to be able to not see half my health bar vanish after a single hit from anything more ferocious than a water Chu Chu, actually I do to some extent. Especially when, of the 30 different sets I currently have parts or all of, the one with the best defence stats is still the basic Hylian clothes.

There are also just too many armour sets and individual bits and bobs to find. Yet, there’s not even really a distinct, definitive Hero set for this game, just a minor variation of a lone shirt from the last one, some Rauru cosplay, a bunch of identikit retro sets and some dumb, super niche use variations on stuff you’ve probably already got by the time you discover them. All of which then feel like they require real you to go out and find unicorn horn/hoof/hair/poop to level them up in game.

The whole process of upgrading equipment just feels needlessly grindy and unbalanced to me. It just doesn’t gel with the rest of the game. Why do all the official quests gain you so little of any lasting value or worse, just some pointless token to carry around in your inventory? (The golden poo for finding all the Koroks in Breath Of The Wild was an expert level troll from the big N, but Tears Of The Kingdom is absolutely riddled with similar items).

Yet, to obtain anything necessary to build your defences up to a worthwhile level, you’ve got to endlessly trawl through Hyrule in search of an overly high number of insect parts, monster bits or super rare, randomly dropping precious stones?

Yes, I know Breath Of The Wild had an identical system, but now, because there’s so much more stuff crammed into the game, it’s just become exponentially more of a drag.

Plus, you can’t take Revali’s Gale off me, then expect me to farm the number of dragon parts needed to level up the best armour sets, or complete certain quests, and have me be happy about it. Especially when you can still only farm a single dragon item per sighting.

A slog at times it might be, but at least when farming for souls/blood echoes and resources in the Soulsborne games, everything you got felt like genuine progress. Every time you levelled up a weapon or armour you got to keep those stat improvements. Yes, they could degrade over time, but only slowly, and restoring them was both fairly cheap and easy. Plus, your character’s strength and abilities also naturally increased as you went. In 2023 Hyrule, almost every bonus feels transient. Even the ones that do last take so long to achieve, it’s positively soul sapping.

Despite all of my issues, according to the Switch playtime counter, I’m almost ashamed to find I’ve currently put the best part of 300 hours in to Tears Of The Kingdom so far (my life is a bit of a mess right now – don’t ask). Whilst that’s still about 45 less than I had put into Breath Of The Wild by the time I finally finished everything, something about that game made me genuinely feel like I wanted to see and do it all. Apart from rounding up all of the 900 Koroks, I did eventually see everything the base game and the DLC had to offer.

Yet for all its undeniable genius, and the indisputable fun I’ve had with it until now, my considerable efforts in the unexpanded Tears Of The Kingdom have left me with considerably more still to do, and sadly, just the thought of tackling the bulk of what’s left has stripped me of any real desire to see it through to ultimate completion.

I’m currently taking a break from it. It’s been at least four or give days. I’m not missing it. Nor am I yet feeling the urge to go back and challenge Ganondorf. And that kinda makes me sad.

I will finish it, at some point. For all my issues, I’ll not really argue it’s anything less than an incredible achievement by Nintendo. But unlike almost every previous entry in the series, this one has just kinda burned me out.

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I used to love the freedom, scope and exploration offered by the modern Zelda games. But Tears honestly feel like it’s too much game. If the next one somehow goes on to be bigger still, I honestly see that being the point where I’m no longer along for the ride.

If there’s one thing I’d now wish for from the inevitable next Zelda title, (and most modern games in general, if I’m honest) it’s a slightly more streamlined, clipped, and purposeful experience; rather than another needlessly bloated feeling game world, stuffed with reward-less quests, borderline useless artefacts, irritating character, and having certain areas of progress gated behind dull, repetitive, random collectathons.

If Tears Of The Kingdom has shown me anything, it’s that there can definitely be too much of a good thing. And as anyone who’s actually taken the time to read all this will no doubt agree, bigger, longer, uncut isn’t always better…

By reader yourhomeisatrisk

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A reader describes how he’s spent 300 hours playing Tears Of The Kingdom and yet all he can think of is plot holes and minor irritations.