I didn’t have kids to be excited about them going back to school

Walking away with my tray of food and children in tow, I was baffled (Picture: Sarah Whiteley)

‘Guys,’ I said to my two children, Theo, six, and Immy, four, trying to hide my annoyance. ‘Could you please decide now? There’s other people waiting.’

After a wander around our local park and a quick go on the swings for Immy, we’d headed to the café to warm up and grab a sandwich.

But as we got to the front of the queue, they were suddenly undecided about whether they wanted a ham sandwich or a cheese one. Quavers or Wotsits. Apple juice or orange…

Turning around, I gave the white-haired woman behind me an apologetic grin. ‘I’m sorry, I thought we were sorted,’ I said, as the cashier finally put together their packed lunch box. 

‘I bet you can’t wait to get them back to school,’ she replied.

I blinked. Maybe my tone with the children had been more exasperated than I’d meant it to be. But she couldn’t have misunderstood me more.

‘Oh no, I love having them off and spending time with them,’ I assured her.

She shrugged. ‘You must be one of the only ones,’ she said, before placing her own coffee order.

Walking away with my tray of food and children in tow, I was baffled. What on earth was she talking about?

I hadn’t had Theo and Immy to simply put them into nursery and school for as long as possible, then begrudge their breaks in between terms. And surely I wasn’t the only parent to (whisper it) actually enjoy spending time with my children?

No matter their mood, I’d still always rather have them around than not (Picture: Sarah Whiteley)

When I first had Theo, back in 2017, admittedly, being a new mum was a shock to the system.

Living 300 miles away from my mam and sister and not knowing anyone else in the area who also had a baby, I could never have imagined the struggles simply to get out of the house, how hard it would be to fill my days on maternity leave and just how lonely it could all feel.

If it wasn’t for the friends I met at baby groups, it would have been an extremely isolating time.

And when I had Immy, juggling a toddler and a newborn was a whole new kettle of fish that I could hardly begin to get my head around. Nap times, trying to give her a bottle while making lunch for Theo… it was completely overwhelming.

Yet, no matter how bad my day had been, I didn’t want to be apart from them. I loved feeling their comforting weight in my arms, reading to them until they fell off to sleep, watching them totter around the living room, or clap along with the music at our sing-a-long groups.  

I know it’s not the cool, or ‘in’ thing to say, but I just loved being with them.

I still do. In fact, now they’re both a bit older, they’re two of my favourite people to be around.

My husband, Tom, and I took them to Edinburgh for the weekend last summer, where we went to the optical illusion museum, Camera Obscura, and the zoo.

I know it’s not the cool, or ‘in’ thing to say, but I just loved being with them (Picture: Sarah Whiteley)

It was the first time I can honestly say we all enjoyed doing the same thing – and it was magical, all laughing at the mirrors that contorted our bodies and the chimpanzees leaping about in their enclosure.

This summer, while Tom was at work, I took them both to the beach, where we ate fish and chips, played in the arcades and took a mini-train ride around the nearby park. I didn’t stop laughing the whole day – and neither did they.

Now, we take them to the cinema, go bowling, eat out – this Christmas has been brilliant, building Lego together, doing art projects, playing games.

Just the night before, Theo called downstairs to say he’d had a nightmare. Yet when I went up to his bedroom, he was grinning.

‘You don’t look like a little boy who’s had a bad dream,’ I told him, as I climbed into bed next to him. ‘Come on, go back to sleep. Mammy’s got a cup of tea downstairs.’

‘Do you want to bring it up and have it here with me?’ he asked, his eyes twinkling. ‘Or will I come back downstairs while you drink it?’

I couldn’t stop laughing at his cheeky expression.

Similarly, Immy makes us all giggle when she insists on serving dinner and handing us all our knives and forks with a very serious look on her tiny little face.

So why on earth would I want to go back to not seeing them for six and a half hours a day? Yet, that seems to be the assumption – that everyone is dying to ship their children off as soon as they can.

I remember my mam telling me that a lady behind the till at a supermarket had said something similar to her when me and my sister were little. 

And even friends will say about how ready they are to send their own kids back to school.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I’m wiping away tears whenever I say goodbye to them for the day.

And of course, please don’t think our family life is picture-perfect. We have our bad days. 

Where we can’t prise Theo away from the television screen and Immy whinges about every single piece of food we put down in front of her. Where they bicker between themselves, and cry and swear to ‘Never be your friend again.’

Those days are exhausting, frustrating and I admit, I can’t wait for them to get in the bath and start calming down for the night.

But no matter their mood, I’d still always rather have them around than not.

Because, although they’re still only little now, I know there will come a day when they won’t need us to walk them to school or collect them at home time. When they’d prefer to spend their weekends with their friends, rather than us.

And I already know that I will miss them – not just being a mam, actually miss them, as people – beyond description.  

So, there it is. That is my confession. I like spending time with my children, and I don’t care who knows it.

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‘I bet you can’t wait to get them back to school,’ the older lady said.