(Picture: Myles Goode/ Getty)

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week, we hear from Sarah*, a 35-year-old who works in digital marketing and describes herself as ‘straight with a sprinkle of bi-curious.’

Sarah says her relationship with sex is ‘fairly complicated’.

‘After the loss of a friend and the end of a relationship, I have been in therapy for 18 months,’ she explains.

‘I didn’t mention anything to do with sex for over a year, and there’s something about talking about it that makes me quite shy and feel uncomfortable.’

Even though she can get in her own head about things, she’s happy that she’s at a stage in her life where she knows her body and isn’t afraid to express herself in the bedroom.

Her shyness notwithstanding, Sarah also says that she’s still ‘a fairly sexual person’ to whom sex and self-pleasure are important.

Wednesday

Had quite a heavy week in my personal life, so my sex drive has gone out the window the last few days.

I was meant to go out with Russ*, the guy I am dating, tonight – but I had to cancel it to allow for some headspace.

I find that my sex drive really peaks and troughs with what is going on around me so when I have periods of intense stress, it is really the last thing I think about.

Thursday

I felt very stressed out and wound up today. I cried a lot because one of my friends is quite unwell, so all my thoughts were consumed with getting her the professional help she needed.

I plodded through work and finished the day exhausted and ready for bed. My energy levels get so zapped by periods of trauma that I find myself flopping into bed really early.

On nights when I’m alone I’ll usually either read or sometimes masturbate to get myself to sleep. Tonight I decided it was the latter, simply because I had a lot of pent-up energy so felt like I needed a bit of a release.

My friends and I have recently gone wild over a new sex toy that I discovered that was recommended to me by a male porn star (!) I was talking to on Instagram for a while. It’s shaped like a rose, and it really has been a great investment.

I’ve been pretty consistent with self-pleasure since I was younger, so I am fairly well-equipped at knowing what I like – tonight was no exception. I felt a lot better after it and slept well for the first time since last Sunday, thank god.

Friday

I’m glad it’s almost the weekend, and my stress levels are down compared to the previous day.

I got through work before getting ready to see some friends in the evening. I decided to get in bed and spend some time with the rose before heading off for a walk in the rain to see the girls.

I have been talking to the guy I’m dating about sex a bit more. We’ve only been sleeping together for a couple of weeks and dating for around a month, so we’re still getting used to each other.

My last relationship really taught me a lot about communication in the bedroom, and he was my first partner who I feel actually cared about whether I had an orgasm or not. This has been pretty empowering to me, and it has made me approach sex in a different way – where it is less performative and more about what feels good for both of us.

I think a lot about my relationship with sex, and whether I often use it as a way to get what I want and gain control, but this is something I am working through in therapy.

I’m seeing Russ tomorrow, and I’m looking forward to it. It’s been a few days, and I am craving some physical intimacy, plus dating someone new is always exciting.

Saturday

Today was spent rushing around doing things that make me feel good. On the agenda was seeing my 103-year-old grandma, going to see friends, and a date with Russ.

One of my pals has just announced her pregnancy, which at 35 is pretty much a weekly occurrence now. I have a consistent narrative in my head that none of my married friends have any sex anymore, and they have to live vicariously through me (which I can pretty much guarantee isn’t true).

I met Russ for dinner where we were in quite a dimly lit, romantic pizza spot. I am a big fan of physical touch and PDAs, whereas I don’t think boys ever are, so I had to settle for a bit of hand-holding over the table.

We got back to mine to drink some tinnies and watch TV. We are at that stage of dating where any kissing/touch gets quite hot and heavy pretty quickly, so once we got into bed it was all a bit frantic.

We are still learning what each other likes in the bedroom. I’m always very aware that it’s rare for me to get off from penetration only – I always get a bit nervous telling guys this for some reason.

We had fairly energetic sex, but I didn’t cum, and I didn’t dare tell him. Then we went to sleep. I was annoyed at myself for not being honest, but it happens, I guess.

Sunday

Damn, Russ likes to wake up earlier than I do of a Sunday.

I had to get him to use my toothbrush as last night’s garlic seemed to have been sticking around on his breath. Then I got worried that he will think I am high maintenance but brushing teeth is, I assume, a normal ask.

Sex this morning was much better than last night. I think I prefer morning sex, maybe because I have less time to overthink it. He had to leave to go on a day trip, whereas I would happily have stayed in bed all day.

We gave each other a long lingering kiss to say goodbye, and I wished he’d stayed for longer.

I sent him a pic of me in underwear to rile him up, and he sent positive feedback. Then I went on about my day.

I had lunch out and a friend over in the evening, and finished off the day with an orgasm from the rose.

Hopefully, the week to come will be less stressful.

Monday

Normally I get up earlier than usual on a Monday as I see my therapist. I could do with seeing her this week, but she’s on Easter break.

The only benefit of this was that I got to lie in before I worked from home. I’m in a bit of a lull with work at the moment, where the work I am doing is not lighting my fire. So working from home means I do spend some time just messing around and doing my own thing at home, which includes a lot of time spent talking to my cat.

I dragged myself to the gym at lunchtime, which I hated every minute of after a six-week work-out hiatus, and tried to have my first cold shower – which I couldn’t do for more than 10 mins.

Post-shower, I did some work and decided to retire to the bedroom for some time spent under the covers to help get my mind to focus. Today it didn’t really work for some reason, but my period tracker told me I could be feeling more frisky today, so maybe it’s down to hormones.

I’ve been thinking of asking Russ to stay over tonight after I get home from yin yoga, but maybe that defeats the object of yin altogether. We’ll see…

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Tuesday

No late-night liaisons last night. I woke up after a long and good sleep to get some sun on my face and go for a walk.

I lost one of my best pals two years ago and his aunt is currently down from Scotland, so she dropped in to see me this morning to meet my cat – who hid the entire time.

I looked forward to seeing Russ in the evening and made him dinner for the first time (cooking for people turns out to be my love language).

We watched TV and cuddled on the sofa, and by the time we got to bed we were both exhausted, so no sex for us tonight. It made me panic a bit, as we are still a fairly new item, but sometimes being tired usurps all. Especially when you’re 35!

*Sarah’s last name has been omitted and Russ’s changed to preserve anonymity.

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‘I was annoyed at myself for not being honest, but it happens, I guess.’