The John Lewis ad proves, it’s as simple as buying a skateboard and taking an interest a foster child’s hobbies (Picture: PA)
As I walked through the living room door to find a karaoke machine, a smile spread across my face.
I was 11 years old and had just been placed in a foster home, under the care of a woman I’d met once before.
‘I remember you said you liked singing,’ she said, explaining why there was a karaoke machine sitting in the middle of the room. She had bought it especially for me.
For the first time ever in my life, I felt I’d been listened to.
So it’s no wonder I had tears in my eyes when I watched the new John Lewis Christmas advert, in which a soon-to-be foster carer learns to skateboard in preparation for the arrival of a young girl with a passion for the sport.
The advert immediately transported me back to that living room.
My carer actually taking note of my love for singing – something I had mentioned in passing – and thinking of ways she could make me feel more comfortable in my new home was exactly what I needed.
I remember her asking if I wanted to do a performance on the machine, and she got her family to sit down, watch and take an interest as I sang and line danced.
It’s one of my favourite memories. Everyone was smiling, and they told me after how proud they were of me. It just felt really warm and welcoming; they showed that they cared about me and what I was doing, even if I didn’t.
It helped me build a bond with my foster carer in a way that I hadn’t had with previous guardians.
I still don’t know the reasons why I ended up in care as I haven’t felt in the right place to read my file, but when I was nine, my two younger siblings and I were placed with a family.
I think a lot of people assume that when you become a foster parent, you have to make grand gestures (Picture: Rachel)
I think a lot of the time, people assume that compared to where we’ve been before, being placed in a foster home must make care-experienced people feel immediately safe and comfortable, but it’s not like that.
Regardless of where we’ve come from, we’re now in a stranger’s home and it’s unsettling.
In one of the homes we were placed in, we were put into the care of a white family, and as a Black young person, that was completely different for me – I don’t think Social Services acknowledged that.
The woman who looked after me wasn’t educated on how to do my hair and cream my skin, which meant I went to school looking scruffy and ashy and I’d get bullied.
I didn’t want the same for my siblings, so as a result I became overly protective of them, which ultimately led to the care placement breaking down and me being separated from them.
It was incredibly traumatic, and going into the next home, I was feeling depressed – which is why it meant so much that I was taken in by a woman who really listened and knew the power of small actions.
I think a lot of people assume that when you become a foster parent, you have to make grand gestures to help your young person feel settled – but that isn’t the case. As the John Lewis ad proves, it’s as simple as buying a skateboard and taking an interest in their hobbies.
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In some of my placements they often went overboard in their actions, which was so sweet and generous and definitely came from a place of caring but would make me feel overwhelmed.
I remember once turning up at a carer’s to find they had redecorated a bedroom for me. They were so excited and I could tell the change they’d made meant a lot to them, but I’d been through something traumatic and couldn’t process such a big thing properly.
Of course I was incredibly grateful that someone had put so much effort in, but something smaller might have made my transition into a new home easier.
As a child, I often felt people weren’t listening to me. In some of my placements, being asked questions like: ‘what do you like to do?’, ‘what do you like to eat?’ or ‘what does your mum usually do with your hair?’ would have made so much difference.
As simple as it sounds, sometimes it’s as easy as asking a young person, because most of the time we’ve gone through our whole childhood looking after ourselves, or looking after somebody else, so we know what we need better than anybody else.
I was so grateful that the foster carer who bought me the karaoke machine realised it’s the little things that matter. The first time we met she said that she knew I probably wouldn’t trust her, but she’d make it her mission to make sure I felt safe.
Rachel was taken in to care when she was nine (Picture: Rachel)
At some point soon after I moved in, she took me shopping because I had said that I wanted to go. She only bought me slippers, but it meant so much to me that she had spent her time going to the shops with me – no one had done that for me before.
It helped build a trust between us that only grew.
I also found out that she was from the same cultural tribe in Zimbabwe as me, so it was really comforting to be with someone from the same background. She was able to help me with my hair and was pivotal in my journey to loving myself as a Black woman.
My self-esteem was non-existent when I arrived at her door, but she taught me how to carry myself and built my confidence up.
She supported me to do better because she knew that the outcomes for care-experienced young people are often bleak. She encouraged me to apply to university and told me I could be successful.
Every time I shed tears, she was my shoulder to cry on and she would listen. Even now I’m 22 and moved out of her home four years ago, I still call her if there’s an issue going on in my life. She’s been my biggest supporter.
Our relationship today is one I will cherish forever. And the help I received from my advocate from Action for Children was also brilliant. He really supported my plans for the future as well as helping me to fight for contact with my siblings.
This John Lewis advert made me feel so grateful that my foster carer, just like the one featured, knew the importance of small actions and listening to kids like me.
Christmas is usually a hard time for care-experienced people, but, for many of us, hearing ‘I skate a bit too’ would make it that bit easier.
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MORE : When is the John Lewis Christmas advert 2022 on TV and how to watch?
‘I remember you said you liked singing,’ she said, explaining why there was a karaoke machine sitting in the middle of the room.
