WASHINGTON—Making sure the pair were sitting down before she delivered the news, White House chief of staff Susie Wiles reportedly told the Trump boys Friday that their Uncle Elon had been blown up in a rocket accident.
“Boys, your father wanted me to tell you that you won’t be seeing your Uncle Elon anymore because he is now in a million pieces,” said Wiles, who paused momentarily to watch as Eric, the youngest Trump boy, buried his head in his hands and burst into tears, and his brother Don Jr. screamed in agony, complaining that their uncle had promised to show them Debbie Does Dallas.
“Unfortunately, he’s in hell now. It was a spectacular accident—blood and fire everywhere—but that’s the risk of going to space. Don’t worry, I’m sure he felt a lot of pain.”
At press time, sources reported the sniffling Trump boys were wondering who was going to teach them the N-word now.