What do you think? (Picture: Getty / metro.co.uk)
What counts as cheating? Does it have to be physical?
This week, we hear from a reader who enjoys regular phone sex with her colleague’s brother. Her own husband is none the wiser.
Her lover wants to meet up, but is she taking things too far? Some might say she already has…
Before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, where a reader asked if he should reveal his grandma’s affair to the entire family.
The problem:
I’ve been married for nearly eight years and in that time have never even thought about being unfaithful. So it feels ridiculous that for the last six months I’ve been having a relationship by phone with a colleague’s brother.
She had accidentally left her mobile at his place so when I called her, he answered, and it started from there. We just got chatting and before I knew it, we had been on the phone for over an hour. Since then, we’ve talked whenever we can and it wasn’t long before he started ‘talking dirty’ to me, which I’ll be honest, I get a real kick out of.
I’m left alone a lot as my husband works shifts, so I never have a problem fitting in the calls. Now I have phone sex most days with my secret ‘lover’ and can’t wait to speak to him. Of course he wants to meet, but I feel I couldn’t go that far, as it really would feel like cheating on my husband.
It hasn’t affected my love life at home as whenever I have sex with my husband, I fantasise about my phone lover and get really turned on.
I tell myself I’m not being unfaithful, but I know that what I’m doing is wrong. The trouble is, it’s like a drug. The more I have, and the sexier it gets between us, the more I want.
Laura says…
You don’t need me to tell you that you’re cheating – just not in the conventional way. How would your husband feel if he found out?
What you’re doing is putting your marriage at risk, so if you really value it and see a future with your husband, please stop. Just explain to this guy that you’ve realised you’re in too deep and you’ve decided to end things. Be nice about it – after all, he’s done nothing wrong – but make the decision to block his calls.
Talking sexually on the phone is one thing but actually touching and kissing is quite different. You might find a real life encounter to be a huge disappointment – this guy is, after all, just a sexy voice on the phone. You don’t even know what your fantasy lover looks like and you may find that you have nothing in common deep down.
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You loved your husband enough to plan a future together, so now put some time and energy into your life with him – not just the sex, but going on dates again, going for walks and just sharing time with one another. Lots of people work unsociable hours and although it can be challenging, there are ways to make it work. If you feel lonely when your husband is on shift, phone a real friend instead of phoning this guy, or fill your time with a hobby or some volunteering.
Please don’t throw it all away for someone you’ve never met. Put this episode down to experience and end your phone fling while the going’s good.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist. Got a sex and dating dilemma?
To get expert advice, send your problem to [email protected]
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‘I tell myself I’m not being unfaithful.’