We’d only exchanged a handful of messages before he asked for my number (Picture: Darren Shoneye)
Scrolling through social media I was stopped in my tracks when I heard the tell-tale trill of the Grindr app sound.
I had a new message from someone called Ryan*.
There was nothing out of the ordinary about his message, just a simple ‘Hello’ – which, granted, for a dating app, was quite tame – and I was intrigued.
His profile didn’t give much away though. There was little in the way of pictures, and other than his name, his bio didn’t tell me anything about him.
Still, I replied, because I’d always been one for giving someone a chance and at first, I was glad I did.
Ryan was always the first to send a ‘Good Morning beautiful’ message and he constantly said how much he enjoyed talking to me.
He seemed very sociable too, as he always appeared to be hanging out with friends or out drinking – a plus in my book.
I never normally give my number out that early on (Picture: Darren Shoneye)
We’d only exchanged a handful of messages before he asked for my number which, admittedly, felt a bit intense.
I never normally give my number out that early on. I much prefer to get to know someone for a while before taking that step.
But Ryan was persistent and he genuinely seemed interested in me so, around two weeks after his initial message, I gave in.
Conversation moved to WhatsApp and flowed effortlessly. We talked about our favourite films and Netflix shows and discovered we had a huge amount in common.
I started to think that we were very compatible but, as I still didn’t know much about how he looked, I asked him to share some more photos of himself.
It might seem shallow but I wanted to gauge whether he was my type or not and if this had a romantic future.
It was clear Ryan fancied me more than I fancied him (Picture: Darren Shoneye)
My typical type is probably best described as muscular or with an athletic build. But at well over 6ft, much taller than the guys I typically went for, Ryan was the complete opposite.
I was still open to talking to him though as you never quite know what someone is like until you have met them in person.
But when we did meet – I invited him over to my place so we could hang out and get to know one another without the awkward pressures of a date – there was no initial spark, no physical attraction or sexual chemistry.
The evening was pleasant enough and conversation flowed nicely, but it was clear Ryan fancied me more than I fancied him.
He’d flirt or make suggestive comments and I’d repeatedly shut him down. I didn’t want to give him mixed messages.
In the days that followed, his texts became relentless (Picture: Darren Shoneye)
By the time he left, I thought I had successfully friend-zoned him but to be safe I sent him a message after the date too.
‘I had a wonderful evening,’ I wrote. ‘But I don’t see us being anything more than friends.’
He seemed to understand at first, even agreed to just being pals, but in the days that followed, his texts became relentless.
He’d text me all the time saying how much he fancied me and wanted to take things further. Each time I had to repeat my earlier statement – that we were just friends, nothing more.
Still he didn’t listen. The messages became more sexual in nature and he’d send explicit pictures of himself too (I’ll let your imagination fill in the blanks).
The more I told him I wasn’t interested, the worse he got until eventually he got angry.
‘I feel used.’ He said in one message. I simply said that, while I understood he was disappointed, I’d always been clear with him that I didn’t want anything more. I had never used him.
At night I could barely sleep due to the volume of calls (Picture: Darren Shoneye)
At this point I started ignoring his messages hoping he would get the hint. Instead, he just started calling me at all hours.
Then, after he attempted to ‘drop by’ unannounced, I finally made the decision to cut all contact with him properly.
I blocked him on WhatsApp, then on Grindr and I hoped that’d be the end of it.
Within 24 hours the prank calls began and I started getting umpteen messages from blank profiles on Grindr too all saying the same thing: ‘Unblock me.’
Of course I didn’t, which only made things worse. The more I blanked and blocked him, the more accounts and calls he’d make.
At night I could barely sleep due to the volume of calls and I was constantly scared that he’d just show up. After all, he knew so much about me, including where I lived, while I knew very little about him.
Eventually I phoned the non-emergency services to say I was concerned that someone was displaying stalker-like behaviour. But as no crime had been committed there was nothing they could do.
Then, Ryan – or at least someone I am convinced was him – pushed things too far.
More from Platform
Platform is the home of Metro.co.uk’s first-person and opinion pieces, devoted to giving a platform to underheard and underrepresented voices in the media.
Find some of our best reads of the week below:
Stephanie Basnett was just 19 when she started being stalked by her ex. Her torment only stopped when he started doing it to another woman. And then another. The three got together and sent him to jail.
When Kevin Jordan bought his house 14 years ago for £85k, he was told by surveyors it would stand for a 100 years. Now, he’s being evicted and his home demolished before it falls off a cliff face.
Gyles Brandreth is well known for his jumpers. Metro got a peek inside his basement, which houses his 366-strong knitwear collection.
And finally, Jayne Baldock’s mum Gina was told she didn’t have cancer after she started throwing up black bile – but doctors couldn’t explain her worsening condition. Months later, they revealed Gina did have cancer and it was too late to do anything.
I was sitting at the bus stop when someone threw a glass bottle at me from a bus window.
Thankfully it missed me, just, but it did shatter in front of me and I jumped back in shock.
Looking up to see who threw it and why, I scanned all the windows of the bus and then I saw him.
Though I can’t be 100% certain, as he was ducking down and the bus was beginning to pull away, I recognised the hoodie instantly. It must have been Ryan, I was sure of it.
I phoned the police in the hopes this incident would get him out of my life, but they told me that, as I couldn’t prove with evidence that a crime had been committed, my best bet was to just keep blocking him.
I’ll never know what changed, I’m just glad it did (Picture: Darren Shoneye)
To be honest that was hard to come to terms with.
I’d spent the better part of seven months doing just that and it hadn’t got me anywhere. In fact I wondered what it would take for them to take me seriously – would it take a serious attack to get them to listen?
I really hoped it wouldn’t come to that but frankly, I didn’t think he’d ever leave me alone.
About a month after the bottle incident though, any and all contact from Ryan ceased completely.
There were no more late night drop calls or relentless messages on Grindr. It all just stopped. Finally I felt I could breathe a sigh of relief and move on.
I’ll never know what changed, I’m just glad it did.
Although, I often worry if he’s doing this to someone else now and wonder if I should have done more to stop him. But I know I did everything I could at the time. I just hope he never hurts anyone else.
Now, I categorically do not give my number out to strangers under any circumstances.
When it comes to dating, I only go for people with links to their social media. And if they have mutual friends even better. I’m also conscious of people coming on too strong and am generally more sceptical now.
Dating in this day and age can at times seem impossible. But, after everything that happened with Ryan, I’d always rather be safe than sorry.
*Names have been changed
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The more I told him I wasn’t interested, the worse he behaved – until eventually he got angry.
