In the 2010s, if people wanted to predict the outcome of a national football match they turned to octopuses.
Famous tentacled prophets included Paul and Rabiot, who gave their findings by choosing the winning country’s flag.
They even had a good track record – at least until Rabiot was reportedly boiled alive and sold for food at a fish market.
But now it’s 2024, and it’s all about the asparagus (note both octopus and asparagus end in ‘us’ so perhaps that’s what bestows the mystical powers.)
Fortune teller Jemima Packington, 67, uses the green spears to reveal the future, and the good news is England will WIN the Euro 2024 tournament.
Bringing an end to 58 years of hurt, Gareth Southgate’s men will go all the way in Germany and lift the trophy for victory.
According to the asparagus.
Don’t scoff too soon, because they have been right on the big things before.
Jemima earned her celebrity status as the world’s only asparamancer after correctly indicating the result of the Brexit referendum, as well as predicting the Queen’s death and Harry and Meghan leaving the royal family.
She even claims to have foreseen Nigel Farage becoming head of Reform and campaigning in the General Election, after the spears revealed a former leader would return to active politics.
To get the answers, Jemima, of Bath, Somerset, tosses the asparagus into the air and interprets how they land on the ground.
Similar to telling tea leaves, or casting stones to see how they land, asparamancy is not a common form of fortune telling, though it could be another sustainable and seasonable use of the popular local vegetable.
Jemima said: ‘They keep pointing to three words in particular – It’s Coming Home.
‘England fans every right to be positive and optimistic if the spears are anything to go by.
‘I can also see Harry Kane being very strong. He is going to be worth watching and is going to come into his own this tournament.
‘England are going to do very well and I think we will see us winning it. Watch this space.
‘As for Scotland, no comment.’
‘Mystic Veg’ Jemima says her predictions tend to have a success rate of between 75 to 90% and she is ‘never usually far off.’
She also said events in the Middle East would reach ‘breaking point’ and that a public figure would be outed as having profited from illegal actions- a possible nod to Donald Trump who became the first US president to be convicted of a felony
Jemima began fortune telling as a child after learning the craft from her aunt who used to read tea leaves.
‘Seeing the patterns for me is instantaneous, possibly that is because I’ve had years of practice,’ she said.
‘Occasionally I get one slightly off, where I haven’t quite read it correctly, but I’m never far off.’
Jemima uses fresh Worcestershire asparagus grown in the Vale of Evesham – the UK’s main supplier of the vegetable.