This property listing has everyone confused (Image: Auction House, Fulwood)
From starting DIY at all hours of the night to constantly hosting house parties, having a nightmare neighbour is just that – a nightmare.
Everyone wishes they had an ideal relationship with theirs, but realistically, you’re bound to inherit at least one poorly-behaved peer in your lifetime. (Let’s just hope it’s not secretly you the whole street’s talking about.)
Now, one advert for a property in Staffordshire has overtly detailed the existing beef with the neighbour and, with no viewings permitted, it’s the talk of the town.
Ever thought about teleporting? It’s a skill you might need to refine with this £130,000 property because it’s landlocked. Correct: whoever buys it won’t be able to access the house via the driveway.
‘The property is landlocked and does not enjoy any rights of access over the driveway leading from the public highway,’ the attached solicitors’ letter reads.
‘The adjoining owner will not grant any such rights of access and, in the event that a purchaser of the property attempts to gain access over the driveway, the adjoining owner will seek an injunction preventing access from being gained over their land.’
Someone’s paid £159,000 for this run-down Thames tower that you can only get to twice a day
Elsewhere, a run-down gun tower located on the Thames in Kent has been snapped up by an American buyer.
But its doer-upper state isn’t the only catch. The Thames Tower can only be accessed at low tide via causeway twice a day – or by boat the rest of the time.
Nevertheless, this wasn’t enough to put the buyer off, who paid £159,000 for the building – £9,000 more than the asking price.
Warning: it gets much, much worse. Thinking you’ll be able to enjoy a long, hot bath or even just a glass of water? Think again, because you won’t have access to any water supplies.
‘The property does not enjoy any rights or easements to receive a mains water supply,’ the letter continues.
‘Prior to completion, the adjoining owner will disconnect the existing water supply prior to the property.
‘The adjoining owner will not grant any rights or easements over the surrounding land for any alternative supply.’
And, the cherry on top, the property is ‘currently occupied and vacant possession will not be given on completion.’
Feeling confused? So is most of the internet.
‘“No viewings possible” – I wonder what other delights are hiding inside… I would definitely buy it for the lolz if I had £130k to spare (and the sort of person who does can use a helicopter to get in and out, problem solved),’ Dr Lorren Eldridge wrote on X, formerly Twitter.
‘This is wild wtf,’ @Sorrelish added.
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While Christian Calgie said: ‘Lads, I think we’ve just found Britain’s biggest NIMBY?’
And @Gaylussite joked: ‘Rishi Sunak could arbitrage this and land himself and supplies via helicopter.’
In general, people are grabbing the popcorn and waiting to see how this one place out.
‘The use of all caps. The threat of injunction. The promise to *disconnect* existing water supply,’ chimed David Foster. ‘So chaotic. I am here for this drama.’
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Fancy no water supply?