Divorce is often framed as a negative (Picture: Getty)
With the news of Britney Spears’ third divorce breaking last week, many headlines focused on the singer’s multiple ‘failed’ marriages.
This is often how the end of a relationship is framed; as though by going their separate ways, one or both partners have somehow not worked hard enough, that they’ve ‘given up’ and should be ashamed of themselves.
But far from seeing their divorces as failures, these women have embraced love and loss, finding lessons in their breakups and welcoming the growth they’ve brought.
Juliette Mullen, 42, met her first husband at just 16, getting engaged at 19 and tying the knot aged 22.
‘My parents married young and stayed together until my dad died,’ she told Metro.co.uk.
‘I was brought up catholic, so I didn’t question that I would follow the same path.’
Despite dreams of travelling and plans of studying in Spain, Juliette’s relationship took precedence, yet she ‘also tried to take on the home maker values,’ her housewife mum had imparted.
‘We were inseparable,’ she said of her husband, who she married on the beach in Barbados, followed by a huge party with hundreds of their loved ones back in their native Scotland.
‘We were best friends, and embarked on our respective careers to build the life together we wanted and dreamed of.’
Yet as time went on, ‘the passion fizzled out,’ and the couple grew apart.
‘At the start I thought this was due to work stress and various things,’ recalled Juliette.
‘Eventually It became too big a mountain for me to climb and I felt deep shame after becoming depressed, I felt he deserved better and I wanted him to still fulfil all his dreams.’
The pair parted amicably in 2009, and while they rarely contact each other now, Juliette says she reminisces about him ‘often’.
‘I smile when I think about him and am thankful for the love and support he gave me,’ she added.
Juliette was 22 when she first got married (Picture: Supplied)
As they left the marriage with joint debt, the divorce also taught Juliette ‘the importance of financial responsibility,’ but they managed to repay what they owed over the years that followed, and although she initially felt like her ‘world had shattered’, she took another chance on love in 2012.
Juliette married a man she’d known since primary school, saying their shared upbringing and mutual desire to settle down made it seem like ‘such a logical decision at the time.’
‘Within three years, we realised we were rather incompatible and on different paths, and we had a rather messy ending divorce,’ recalled the Life Leadership Coach and Somatic Trauma Therapist, who was formerly a Head of HR.
‘The pace of my life during that period was overwhelmingly fast, with a demanding career, commutes, pregnancies, houses being bought and sold – it was a whirlwind.’
Juliette was experiencing physical and mental health issues as a result of the stress she was under, and suffered a miscarriage at 14 weeks, which compounded the issues she was having within the relationship.
‘I felt somewhat isolated and unsupported going through that experience,’ she said.
‘We loved each other deeply but it was not enough and we didn’t know how to make it work.’
After this divorce, the mum-of-two said she was ‘completely broken’ – especially as her father passed away as the marriage ended. But she believes ‘that darkness became a catalyst for change.’
She ceased contact with her second husband, but delved into learning about the subconscious mind and doing personal development work, meeting the father of her second child while studying aged 37.
They have since split too, but successfully co-parent and get together for family events where they’re able to be amicable with one another.
‘Some people are meant to journey through life together, while others need to embark on their own path of self-discovery and growth,’ said Juliette.
‘Reflecting on my past relationships, I’ve come to realise that some were right for specific times in my life. It’s as if I’ve lived multiple lives already, evolving and growing as an individual.’
She also believes these breakups helped her heal her codependency and issues with perfectionism, adding: ‘Each one has brought its own set of lessons and insights.’
‘When my marriages ended, I was consumed by regret and shame. I felt like a failure, questioning what I did wrong,’ said Juliette.
‘But I needed to go through them to learn more about myself and the kind of love I truly desired.’
Flic Everett, 52, crime writer and author of Murder in the Blitz, had a similar view on relationships due to the example set by her mum and dad.
‘I first got married aged 21, after knowing my partner for six weeks,’ she told Metro.co.uk.
‘We’d met at a party. I was in love, and also, my parents had married at that age and were still blissfully happy, so I thought it was normal!’
Flic says she has no regrets from her three marriages (Picture: Supplied)
The couple had a baby soon after, but Flic shortly realised she hadn’t known her husband well and cracks began to show.
‘It emerged that we were very different,’ she explained. ‘We argued constantly and divorced aged 24.’
Flic then met her second husband, who she married at 29, through work.
She recalled: ‘We had tons in common – including the fact that we both had children. We were together for almost 18 years, and had many happy times as well as some earth-shattering rows.
‘Our life together was busy, chaotic and full of parties and kids. We never had a dull moment – we even opened an award-winning vintage shop together.’
When their children left home, however, they ‘grew apart’, wanting different things from this stage of life.
Flic said: ‘We tried hard to make it work, but in the end, it just didn’t.
‘We broke up when I was 43, and that same year, I met Andy through a mutual friend.’
After years of long-distance, Flic moved to Mid-Argyll with Andy and the pair got married in their garden in 2022.
‘This time it’s for good,’ she said. ‘I’m older, and I know myself properly – and we suit each other perfectly.’
With three marriages under her belt, Flic doesn’t regret any of them, saying: ‘I had great times, lots of love and fun along with the hard bits – and life is about evolving and learning who you are.’
She continued: ‘Both my exes taught me a great deal about myself, and I could never regret having my wonderful son.
‘Of course, divorce is very painful, and it was never what I intended – but sometimes, it has to happen so you can go on to live the life that works for you.’
Melanie Carson, who runs divorce coaching service Dispartio, believes the end of a relationship can help teach you to be more discerning with future partners.
She says she’s grateful for her own divorce, and that her husband did her a ‘a massive favour’ by rejecting her.
‘My best friend’s father called me the day I got divorced with the best advice,’ she told Metro.co.uk.
‘He said, “He wasn’t for you but I am sure you have learned what you don’t want now. You have been given a second chance, grab it with both hands, don’t look back – just look forward and build a life you deserve – one of good health, success and happiness. Then, and only then, will the right person come along.’
Juliette isn’t giving up on love either. She may be ‘apprehensive’ about marrying again because she cherishes the life she’s built with her two daughters and dogs, but feels a future relationship would be all the better given her insight.
‘All in all, I’ve come a long way from that young girl who got married in Barbados at 22,’ said Juliette.
‘I’m proud of her for following her heart and going through the ups and downs, setbacks and triumphs.
‘If there’s one thing I want to share with others, especially women in toxic relationships or experiencing domestic abuse, it’s that life is too short to settle.
‘We shouldn’t give up on our dreams easily, we should set healthy boundaries with others, and we should never be afraid to start again, as many times as we need to.’
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‘I had great times, lots of love and fun along with the hard bits.’