I wouldn’t say I was following a parenting trend by simply taking a pew in the same room as them (Picture: Sarah Whiteley)
Sittervising? I clicked on the article about the ‘it’ parenting trend with curiosity.
But as I read more, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.
‘Sittervising’ involves supervising your children from a seated position – so not necessarily getting involved in their play, but keeping an eye on them from a close distance.
Really? That’s a trend?
That’s something that I – and, I’d bet my bottom dollar, every other parent in the world – do daily without thinking about it. It’s hardly a trend, it’s just… life!
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve walked into the living room to find my two children – Theo, six, and Immy, four – sprawled out on the floor, playing with their Lego or Bluey toys or a board game, and I’ve collapsed on the sofa and picked up either my book or phone.
Yes, of course, I’m vaguely making sure they’re not shoving toys down each other’s throats (admittedly, less of a concern now than it was a couple of years ago) or that their play doesn’t get too raucous.
Really? That’s a trend? (Picture: Sarah Whiteley)
And yeah, I’m kinda conscious of letting them get on with their own creative play because I know it’s good for them to learn independence and to let their imaginations run free, rather than me getting involved and starting to direct what they’re doing.
But I wouldn’t say I was following a parenting trend by simply taking a pew in the same room as them. I’m basically just taking a break while they’re occupied and happy.
Because I know that contentment can all change in the blink of an eye and before I know it, I will be back to making drinks, organising snacks, getting out different toys, running baths, starting tea.
So, you know, I’m just relishing the couple of minutes where I’m not needed, not following a parenting ‘trend’.
When you have a baby, you quickly realise that everything is given a label.
You’re not just being patient with your little one, you’re ‘gentle parenting’.
Parenting is a tough job (Picture: Sarah Whiteley)
You’re not just raising your child with your ex, you’re ‘co-parenting’.
You’re not just hoping your child will do well at school or helping them learn new skills, you’re a ‘tiger mum’.
I read the other day about ‘sleep-unders’, where parents pick their children up from a friend’s house just before bed-time, rather than them staying the night. I mean, isn’t that just going round to a friend’s house for tea? Does it really require a name of its own?
Personally, despite reading up a lot on different parenting trends and techniques, I wouldn’t ever say that I’ve stuck to any one of them religiously. To be honest, I’m too busy just trying to get through the days with as little commotion and chaos as possible.
I’m sure some people find them helpful – I know I’ve definitely taken away some ideas from pretty much all of them. Things like Jennifer Garner’s ‘benign neglect’, for example, made me think.
Parenting is a tough job, so any tips and tricks are always greatly appreciated.
But equally, is it helpful to give each idea, innovation or action, a label? I don’t think so.
Firstly, it’s simply not necessary. Especially for something as basic as ‘sittervising’.
And by giving all of these wider theories and practices such defined labels, more pressure is piled onto parents who are trying to stick to them – who then feel bad when they don’t meet their various strategies and suggestions every single minute of the day.
More from Platform
Platform is the home of Metro.co.uk’s first-person and opinion pieces, devoted to giving a platform to underheard and underrepresented voices in the media.
Find some of our best reads of the week below:
As part of Degrees of Separation, our ongoing series on family estrangement, Han-Son Lee reflects on the casual cruelty of his father, their non-existent relationship, and how he felt when his dad passed away.
With rising childcare costs forcing more and more people to rely on their parents for babysitting advice, Kat Romero insists that she’ll never put pressure on her mum and dad to help look after her son.
Rebecca Gossage shares the devastating account of her father’s death after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and the failures at various levels of the NHS that saw him unable to receive proper treatment.
And finally, in our latest ‘So, How Did It Go’ feature on noteworthy first dates, Helen Aitchison recounts an experience involving a catfish, a kiss, and a lot of toothpaste.
The thing is – and I’m not going to say anything wildly groundbreaking here – every child is wonderfully, fabulously unique. Even siblings, born to the same parents and raised in the same way, can be completely different.
If I ask Theo to brush his teeth, he’ll get on with it. At most, I have to raise my eyebrows and he’ll go and grab the toothpaste.
We can’t stick to rigid trends and techniques (Picture: Sarah Whiteley)
Immy, however, will do everything she can to procrastinate over something that’s inevitable – twice a day.
It’s one simple request for Theo, and a protracted negotiation with Immy. Even in my own household, one size of parenting doesn’t fit all, so how on earth can these limited templates work across the millions of children in the world?
We have to remember that our children have ups and downs, good and bad days. Some days, if they’re in a silly mood, they’ll need their parents to be stricter. Other times, if they’re quiet or feeling low, us parents need to cut them a little more slack.
We can’t stick to rigid trends and techniques when our children – not to mention, us parents – are people in their own right.
Instead, let us just relax in the same room as our children, rather than ‘sittervising’ them, and pick them up from playdates, rather than sending them on ‘sleep-unders’.
If we lose the labels, stop giving things unnecessary names, we can maybe just focus on doing our best for our children?
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I wouldn’t say I was following a parenting trend by simply taking a pew in the same room as them.