Support, don’t fix (Picture: Getty Images)
Tell it like Tahlia – or don’t?
A TikTok video, which features a friend dishing out tough love to another pal who is crying over a guy, has gone viral.
Tahlia, the ‘savage’ friend, says her friend shouldn’t be crying over this guy – calling him a ‘human skid mark’ and ‘dumb’.
While honesty is always necessary, the harshness of the comments (coupled with the fact one of them is crying and the whole thing is being filmed), feels a tad insensitive.
Of course, we’ve all been fed up of hearing a friend talk about some failed love interest, and are tired of seeing them pine over someone not worth their time – but empathy is important, too.
Some people in the comments supported the savagery, with one person writing: ‘Here’s to Thalia. May we know her, may we be her, may we raise our daughters to be like her.’
Another wrote, quoting her: ‘I need “he’s not your future, babe” as a ringtone’.
‘Thalia is doing the lords work!!!,’ someone added.
‘So important to identify red flags and help your friends see them,’ was another comment.
Shedding light on the situation, experts say sometimes people see the red flags and they choose to stay – we don’t have to agree with those decisions, and maybe we can recognise they’re still going through lessons we’ve already outgrown.
Jade Thomas, psychotherapist and founder of Luxe Psychology Practice, says: ‘As simple as it may sound, providing a listening ear can be very effective in supporting someone in their times of need.
‘Often it can also be helpful to ask your friend if they just want you to listen or do they want solutions – sometimes people won’t be ready to hear tough love or solutions to their problem.’
Tough love does have its place, but Jade says to keep it reserved for extreme situations – such as, if the person involved is at risk or in danger to themselves or others.
Otherwise, empathy will usually go down better.
‘Research has shown that empathic approaches are more effective when emotionally supporting loved ones,’ Jade adds.
Even if it’s hard, try to be neutral – but that doesn’t mean not having an opinion, it means you aren’t making them feel bad if you disagree with them.
Watch out for having a short temper, showing signs of irritation and frustration, as your friend can pick up on this and it may make them reluctant to share with you in the future, Jade adds.
Having said that, you shouldn’t be an earpiece to an ongoing situation at every development.
‘Try to encourage your friend to utilise other people in their support system during this time,’ Jade says.
‘Remind yourself that you are not your friend’s therapist, and set practical, timed boundaries if needed.’
Finally, if at any point you are concerned about their safety or wellbeing contact a crisis mental health professional.
Need support?
For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email [email protected], visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
If you’re a young person, or concerned about a young person, you can also contact PAPYRUS Prevention of Young Suicide UK. Their HOPELINK digital support platform is open 24/7, or you can call 0800 068 4141, text 07860039967 or email: [email protected] between the hours of 9am and midnight.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
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But should we adopt her tough love?