Pairing MAFS’ Ella and Nathanial was lazy – and sent a harmful message

They didn’t do Ella – or Nathanial – justice (Picture: Channel 4)

When I heard there was going to be a trans woman named Ella on the new series of Married At First Sight UK, I felt a mix of emotions. 

I was excited for the prospect of trans representation on such a mainstream show, but I found myself worried about how she would be portrayed, and the attention it would get on social media.

With the current state of trans issues in the UK right now, I was worried for her well-being.

For those that don’t know the premise of the show, couples are matched together by relationship experts, and the first time they meet each other, they get married. The rest of the show then follows the developments of each relationship – which to no one’s surprise has its ups and downs.

Getting married to a stranger, even if put together by experts, is a risk at best. But it does make for good TV, so I’m not one to complain. 

Nathanial said he wanted to be matched with a man or a woman with ‘masculine energy’ (Picture: Matt Monfredi/Channel 4)

As I sat down with my sister-in-law, who is just as obsessed with reality TV as I am, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect.

To my surprise, Ella has been portrayed really positively on the show – she was seen having supportive friends and family, and when she married a man called Nathanial, he completely accepted her as the woman she was.

While there have been rumours floating online that their relationship didn’t end up working out, it wasn’t because he didn’t accept her as a trans woman – their problems came down to their compatibility. 

And that has been my issue with how Ella has been treated by the show’s producers. They didn’t do Ella – or Nathanial – justice and instead partnered her with someone she was so clearly wrong for. 

Why that was the case I don’t know, because the show has previously shown really successful queer couples – such as fan favourite Dan and Matt, and Zoe and Jenna from previous series.

Sadly it appeared that whoever matched Ella and Nathanial up didn’t really understand their needs or identities clearly, or listen to what they wanted.

Nathanial has stated online that he asked to be either matched with a man or a woman with ‘masculine energy’ – and it’s clear that Ella is hyper-femme. 

It seems like the only reason they were matched is because Nathanial is a pansexual man – meaning he is attracted to people regardless of their gender. 

Unintentional it may have been, but it sent a clear message to me that Ella’s partner had to be pan because a straight man would never date a trans woman. 

I have personally dated straight men, and know plenty of trans women who are in happy relationships with straight men. 

I feel that your typical straight man would have probably fit her a lot better (Picture: WireImage/Karwai Tang)

I really wanted to finally see a trans woman having a positive and healthy relationship on mainstream television

And based on how Ella has described what she’d want in a partner on the show – which is someone that can build a strong physical connection with her – someone else probably would’ve been a much better fit for her, as Nathanial struggled to form a physical connection with her or even tell her that he fancied her.

I feel that your typical straight man would have probably fit her a lot better; with a source telling Mail Online that a heterosexual man with ‘masculine energy’ would normally be her type. 

I can’t help but feel that producers didn’t fully understand the couples’ queer identities and the needs of both of them as people. The match ended up feeling forced.

I really wanted them to be suited, not just because they both deserve to be happy, but to finally see a trans woman having a positive and healthy relationship on mainstream television. 

It gave me a lot of hope to see Ella accepted so openly (Picture: Ken McKay/ITV/Shutterstock)

So often trans people’s stories are portrayed as a tragedy, a loss or trans people hurting – and the show orchestrating such an incompatible match continues to send the message that trans people aren’t desirable or lovable. 

For me, it felt like a missed opportunity and could’ve been such a great chance to show a trans person having a joyous and happy relationship – where they are loved and supported completely. It would have given people a chance to connect with a trans person in a much more positive way.

So while I celebrate the fact that Ella went on the show and brought her amazing self to it, I feel like there is a lot that could’ve been handled better, that would’ve ultimately not just been positive for her, but the trans community as a whole. 

But regardless, there are a lot of great moments on the show, that will hopefully give people some much needed insight into the lives of actual trans people – showing people that we’re just like everyone else. 

It gave me a lot of hope to see her accepted so openly – seeing everyone on the show being so kind and caring towards her. Everyone on the show understood why it was important to support her, and were able to get to know her first as Ella, rather than Ella the trans woman.

It made me quite emotional because that’s how I believe most people in society actually feel once they get to know a trans person.

I hope the show continues to show queer couples finding love, and instead of giving us more tragedies, they start giving us real success stories that show that at the end of the day, it’s all about love.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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Even though neither were the other’s type, they were paired together – and it said a lot about who could love trans women.