Don’t talk and tell (Picture: Getty / metro.co.uk)
One-night stands can be fun and thrilling or highly regrettable.
This week, we hear from a reader who’s very much had the latter experience. In her mid-thirties, she had ‘pornographic’ sex with a younger man, only for him to tell everyone about her dirty talk. Yikes.
How can she move on from the embarrassment? Read the advice before and before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, where a man complained that his dad’s girlfriend kept walking in on him naked.
The problem…
I’m in my mid-thirties and still haven’t found the right guy. Most of my friends from school or uni are with someone, or married with kids, so as a result I hang out with people much younger than me.
The majority are in their early or mid-twenties, but I always keep up with them on nights out and can party with the best.
Recently, one of the girls invited me to celebrate her 25th. She booked a spa weekend at a fancy hotel and at first everything went well. But on the Saturday night I got a bit wrecked and ended up with a guy aged 21, who was really handsome and sexy. He was at the hotel for a wedding, which involved lots of single guys who were there without girls.
I took him back to my room, where we had the most amazing (vaguely pornographic) sex. I love talking dirty and he couldn’t get enough, which at the time made me feel really good.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t expecting what was to come, which was him telling all his mates. The next day when we walked down to the hotel lobby, they were all there. Everyone started looking at me and laughing and making veiled references to things I’d said.
To explain what was happening, I stupidly confessed to my friends, who seemed a bit horrified. Now I feel so embarrassed I can hardly face any of them and make excuses not to go out.
Laura says…
I sympathise with how you feel, but if I’m honest, I think this is a bit of a first world problem. What really happened? Okay, a bunch of young blokes took the mickey out of you, and you feel a bit judged by your friends, but you need to put things into perspective.
Maybe you should look at some of the other issues here. It might be making you feel bad that all your old friends have moved on, but trust me, there are plenty of women in their mid-thirties who haven’t found Mr Right. You have your whole life to find love, and it will probably happen when you least expect it.
Dig a bit deeper. Is it undermining your confidence, trying to operate on the same level as people ten years younger than you? There’s nothing wrong with having friends of all ages but it’s important to be yourself. If wild nights out make you genuinely happy, go for it, but don’t feel pressured to be the life and soul just because you think that’s what people expect of you. Most people grow out of that party lifestyle eventually.
As for what happened, if it comes up just laugh it off. Watch what you drink in future and maybe don’t have ‘pornographic sex’ with people you hardly know.
Take a deep breath and call all your friends, even the married ones with kids. I promise you, none of this matters half as much to them as it does to you.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to [email protected]
‘I feel so embarrassed I can hardly face any of them.’
