Caption: Sex Colum: ‘My girlfriend faked her entire identity ? including lies about her ‘dead’ parents’getty
Think you know your partner? So did this guy…
This week we hear from a reader who’s unsure what to do, after discovering his girlfriend has lied about her entire identity, including her university, who she lives with, and the fact that her parents aren’t actually dead.
Surprisingly, he’s thinking of letting her off the hook, but is it a good idea?
Before you go, read last week’s dilemma, where a bridesmaid admitted snogging her best friend’s groom at their wedding.
The problem…
Since the start of this year, I’ve been seeing a girl I thought was ‘the one’, only to discover she’s already living with a guy in the north of England.
She travels a lot with work so can easily live a double life, but since getting an anonymous tip on my phone, I’ve found out that most of what she’s told me is a lie. For example, she said her parents died when she was small, and yet I’ve discovered they’re alive and well. She told me she went to Durham University, but apparently, she went to a local college and got some business qualification. She said she’s an only child, but in reality, she has an older sister and brother. I could go on.
When I confronted her about all the lies, she broke down and said she was worried I wouldn’t think she was interesting if I knew the truth about her. She said she’s only living with this guy until she finds somewhere else to live and that she knows I’m the one for her.
My mates all think she’s a complete head case and I should dump her straight away, but I feel kind of sorry for her that she thinks she had to invent a completely different life in order to be interesting. I know I should kick her to the kerb, but she is gorgeous, and I really want to make it work.
Laura says…
Gorgeous she may be, but she also seems to be a fantasist and liar. Is that really the sort of the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Even if you’re the greatest catch going and she feels like she doesn’t measure up, I don’t see how inventing herself as a completely different person is the answer. How will you ever know if she’s telling the truth, even now?
She may have psychological problems and if you really want to be a good friend, recommend she gets some therapy and learns to love herself as she is. As far as living with a guy is concerned, tell her you’re not up for a relationship until she’s free (and maybe not even then). She certainly won’t change her living arrangements as long as you continue to be the tolerant guy you seem to be.
Maybe you yourself are in some way emotionally needy and so desperate for a committed relationship that you’ve slightly lost sight of common sense.
End things with her and don’t rush straight into another commitment. Take some time to build your own self-esteem through work, social life or even therapy, so that the next time a gorgeous girl comes into view, you’re not so easily manipulated. Fantasists like this are rare and you’ve been unlucky, but you’ve also been gullible.
Point her in the right direction to sort herself out, but after that it’s probably best to steer well clear. Mates often give good advice and on this one, I’m with them.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
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‘I know I should kick her to the kerb, but she is gorgeous…’