She’s putting me under a lot of pressure to ensure that I have an equal number of groomsmen to match her bridesmaids (Picture: Getty)
Wedding planner and venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, no matter how big or small, in a weekly agony aunt column.
Dear Alison,
My amazing fiancée and I are in the middle of planning our wedding and amidst the fun of food tastings and stress of seating charts, I find myself in a bit of a pickle with my wedding party. Specifically my groomsmen.
I don’t have many male family members I’m close to other than my dad, and in terms of friends, I have two really close mates who I want to have as co-best men. And that’s it. I don’t want to have any extra groomsmen.
However, my bride-to-be has a large family who she is close to and a really big friendship group that she wants to be a part of our big day. As a result, she is now up to eight bridesmaids, not including the two co-maids of honour, and she’s putting me under a lot of pressure to ensure that I have an equal number to match.
She says that the pictures will be unbalanced, and that it will ‘look weird’ if I don’t match with her side, but I don’t want to have groomsmen just for the sake of it. Not to mention I’m also worried about spiralling costs of matching outfits on top of buying dinner for around 100 people.
Put simply, there’s no-one else I want beside me when I say ‘I Do’ than those three. But how do I tell my fiancée that without upsetting her and ruining what she clearly pictures for our big day? What should I do?
Thanks,
Colin
Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?
Weddings are joyful occasions – but they can also be incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be tense.
Alison, who has run a venue for 10 years and assists couples with wedding planning, is here to offer a helping hand.
Email [email protected] to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.
Dear Colin,
You are not alone in your wedding woes.
Planning a wedding can be a challenge in itself, but it is vital to strike a balance that makes you both comfortable. Your special day should reflect your unique relationship and individual personalities.
It’s clear that both you and your fiancée have strong and different opinions about your wedding party, so the first thing you need to do is have an open and honest conversation with her.
Successful relationships are based on many things, and compromise is one of them.
It sounds like your fiancée may envision a specific look and feel for your wedding, hence her concern about having an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, but you must not feel under pressure to ask people to join your wedding party just for the sake of making photographs look balanced.
Everyone is unique and different. So while your future wife may have many close friends and you only have two, there is nothing wrong with that.
Instead, tell her how important your two close friends are to you and that having them as co-best men is more important than additional friends just to make up the numbers.
You are not alone in your wedding woes (Picture: AKP Branding Stories)
Empathise with her and discuss the most important elements to her. If it truly is the balance that she is concerned about, then there may be a way to achieve this.
Discuss whether she can narrow her bridesmaids to a smaller group and find alternative roles for some of her other close friends.
Perhaps they can participate in other meaningful ways, like giving readings during the ceremony, helping with wedding planning, taking on specific roles at the reception, or even giving a speech.
Alternatively, consider inviting other less close friends to be ushers. That way you can keep the people you want at your side without compromising your fiancée’s wishes for symmetry. Plus, it helps when delegating tasks.
Remember, symmetry will only be highlighted during the ceremony and with specific wedding party photographs anyway, but there are ways around it.
Depending on the venue, it is not uncommon for the happy couple and officiant to be the only ones standing as everyone else remains seated.
The most important thing is your commitment to each other
If, during the ceremony, you want some company, why not suggest that only the two maids of honour and best men stay standing, with the remaining bridesmaids taking a pew?
Also don’t forget that a creative and experienced photographer taking bridal party wedding photographs can stage photos to prevent them from looking uneven.
Whatever you decide, you must take the time to understand each other’s perspectives and work together to find a solution that you are both happy with.
Your wedding day should be about celebrating your love and the people who matter most to you.
Rather than trying to match numbers, focus on personal touches and meaningful details that represent your journey together as a couple. These will be the things your guests notice and remember more than who has how many bridesmaids or groomsmen.
You also mention your concerns with the financial implications of a larger wedding party. We all know wedding’s do not come cheap, but there are ways to keep things like wedding attire within budget.
If you are concerned about the cost of matching outfits, explore more wallet-friendly options to help mitigate the financial burden. Hiring or purchasing clothes during sales season could be something to consider.
You could also consider non-matching suits or resale websites from other couples selling their wedding clothes.
Ultimately, finding a compromise that works for you both is essential.
Your wedding day is about celebrating your love and making the day memorable for you both. But it’s also just that one day. The most important thing is your commitment to each other.
With open communication and a willingness to find common ground, you can work through this challenge and create a meaningful wedding for you both.
Best of luck as you plan your big day and journey together as a Mr & Mrs.
Best wishes,
Alison
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She’s putting me under a lot of pressure to ensure that I have an equal number of groomsmen to match her bridesmaids.