‘I’ll be honest, I was a bit disappointed with the ring’, is the first thing that the dumped bride wants to put on the record.
Wedding planning is notoriously stressful – but it’s even more difficult for this reader, as her groom seems to have got a serious case of cold feet.
Live a modern diva, this bride is desperate for an extravagant white wedding, but any talk of venues and guest lists sends her husband-to-be in a mood. Things are so bad, she’s started crying herself to sleep.
Can she still get the white wedding of her dreams? Or does she need to get her priorities straight?
The problem is expectations…
I’ve been with my fiancé for over ten years, and we live happily together with our cats. We’re both in our thirties, so my view is that we need to get cracking on the marriage and children front which at first, he agreed with.
On Valentine’s Day he proposed, which I was very excited about (although I’ll be honest, I was a bit disappointed with the ring). But by the summer he had changed his mind, and now any talk of setting a wedding date sends him into a mood.
He now just says that we’ll marry ‘one day’, but I feel like that day will never come. I’ve always dreamed of a big white wedding in beautiful surroundings, with a gorgeous dress, my three best friends as bridesmaids, lots of guests, flowers, champagne, and a band – basically, the works.
I’ve tried showing my fiancé pictures of suits that I think would look great on him and his brother, who will be our best man, but he shows no interest whatsoever.
His indifference is now stressing me out so much, that I worry I’ll just end up being an old maid. Lately, I’ve even been crying myself to sleep.
I’ve told him how much this means to me, but it doesn’t seem to matter to him. In fact, he just tells me not to keep on about it.
I feel like I’m in a vicious cycle. The more I fret about this wedding, the more distant he becomes.
Laura says…
To admit you were disappointed with the engagement ring says a lot. If it was obvious from your expression that the ring didn’t meet your expectations, then no wonder your fiancé felt slightly put off the whole thing.
It feels as though you’re in love with the idea of a beautiful sparkler and a grand wedding, more than your boyfriend himself. This approach is unlikely to turn on a potential groom, especially one who clearly has something more modest in mind.
There are a couple of things you can do. One is to tone down your expectations; if you make it clear you’ll be happy with a simple ceremony and just a few friends, your fiancé may react more warmly. After all, he was clearly up for marriage once.
If you haven’t had a chat about children recently, now is the time to do it. He may be happy to go ahead and have a family, without the big wedding you envisage. Having babies can have a time limit; getting married does not.
Finally, if you really feel your fiancé is never going to want the same things as you, it might be time to move on.
Take a deep breath, keep calm, and re-evaluate your priorities. What matters to you most? Your fiancé, with whom you appear to have spent ten happy years, or the flashy ring and the impressive wedding? It’s time to make a choice.
‘He shows no interest whatsoever.’ who knows, he may be leaving