Planning a wedding can be exciting, but it also can be overwhelming (Picture: Getty Images)
Wedding planner and venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, no matter how big or small, in a weekly agony aunt column.
I’ve been busily – and happily – planning my wedding this coming spring for the past year but have just had the wind taken out of me.
My mum – not even remotely jokingly – told me I need to stop acting like a bridezilla. We were having lunch and talking about what progress I’d recently made on our plans when she admitted that she thought I’d ‘changed’, and that my bridesmaids had confided in her that I was being too demanding.
Apparently, they think I’m speaking about my wedding too much and ignoring what they have going on in their lives (to be fair, I am talking about it a lot, but it’s not the only thing we discuss). They’ve also complained that the to-do lists I’ve given them are too long.
So far, I’ve asked them to pick their dresses (I’ve rejected most of their suggestions because they’re not appropriate), come shopping with me for my dress, shoes and accessories, plan two hen parties (one at home and one abroad), make table dressings, organise transport to and from the venue for guests, and contact everyone to double check their dietary requirements.
I get it’s a lot to do, but I can’t rely on my fiancé to help, and I need their support. I resent being called a bridezilla.
Does it sound like I’m asking too much? How do I talk to them about it?
Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?
Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense.
If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand.
Email [email protected] to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.
Planning a wedding can be exciting, but it also can be overwhelming.
It’s understandable to rely on your bridesmaids to help with what can feel like a never-ending to-do list, and it is excellent that you feel confident delegating tasks to them.
However, there has to be a balance between how much you ask them to do and how comfortable your bridesmaids feel with their jobs
Of course, bridesmaids will expect to take on some heavy lifting to help their friend – but there is a limit. You can’t bank on them committing to this with the same dedication you are, and you must remember they are having to balance these tasks alongside their own commitments.
After what your mum told you, sitting down with your bridesmaids and having an open conversation is really important.
Express your gratitude for their support. Acknowledge any concerns they raise and assure them that you value their friendship above everything. Try to understand their perspective and show empathy towards their feelings.
Understandably, you have delegated tasks and preferences for your wedding, but it might be beneficial to re-evaluate the workload assigned to others.
It’s worth being mindful going forward (Picture: AKP Branding Stories)
Feeling excited about your wedding and asking those closest to you for their help does not make you a bridezilla, as long as you’re not making demands. Still, some bridesmaids may feel overwhelmed by what they must achieve.
Ask them for input on tasks they feel comfortable continuing, and to let you know if they are struggling to complete anything you have asked for their assistance with.
Depending on their responses, some responsibilities may need to be prioritised or handed out among other helpers, like family members.
You mentioned you can’t get your groom to help. If this is because he is unwilling, rather than unable, it also might be worth having a conversation with him about how he could step up.
Overall, be open to compromise on certain aspects and willing to accept suggestions for tasks that might be more manageable for everyone involved.
For example, you could create some guidelines for what may be right for the bridesmaids’ dresses and what would be unsuitable options.
You could also arrange to all go shopping together for their dresses. When you are in a group, it might be easier to form an agreement on what may work and tick that job off the to-do list.
Another option is to consider taking back control over the dietary requirement follow-ups as you will be setting the table plan, so having all that information with the RSVPs can speed up that task.
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Depending on the outcome of your discussions, you might also consider hiring a wedding planner to help.
Whatever you decide, working together to find a middle ground will make the wedding planning process smoother for everyone involved, helping alleviate tension or misunderstandings.
It is better that you take action to rectify this problem now, rather than let resentment build up on all sides.
Consider arranging a girlie get-together where you go and do an activity or a meal without mentioning the wedding. Connect with each other and have fun. It will help you switch off from your tasks as well.
Showing an interest in what is happening in your bridesmaids’, friends’, and families’ worlds and creating opportunities to discuss other topics apart from wedding planning will help add some balance.
Friends and family have other aspects in their lives, and if they feel your only topic of conversation is your wedding, sometimes it can make them feel overlooked or undervalued.
It sounds like you don’t want your friends to feel this way, so it’s worth being mindful going forward of how you ask them to help, your expectations of them, and how to maintain your friendships throughout.
Wishing you all the best as the excitement for your special day draws closer.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
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My loved ones think I’m speaking about my wedding too much and ignoring what they have going on in their lives.