‘I want the year ahead to be about trying new things’ (Picture: Getty)
Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.
This week, we hear from Sadie*, a 32-year-old civil servant from South London.
The last time we spoke to Sadie, she’d recently been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease.
The condition initially shook her self-confidence, and sex and dating felt impossible. But earlier this year, she was tentatively brushing off her lucky date outfit – and her sex toys – in an attempt to rediscover her sexuality.
‘After five months hiding away, I finally had my first orgasm post-diagnosis, which felt like a real turning point,’ says Sadie. ‘I was also given new medication, which has made managing my condition so much easier.
‘I began to feel like myself again, and ended up meeting someone I thought I could see a future with.’
But, Sadie, who is straight, has just ended things with her now ex-boyfriend. Single again, this time around, she’s excited to get back out there.
‘I’m not looking for another relationship,’ she explains. ‘I want the year ahead to be about trying new things when it comes to sex – I’m ready to experiment and be adventurous.’
This week, Sadie had her work Christmas party and celebrated her birthday. Here’s how she got on…
Tuesday
I feel like men have a sixth sense – when they know you’re a little bit vulnerable (or single), they crawl into your DMs.
Since my ex and I split earlier this month, all of the old flames have come out of the woodwork, but I can’t say I’m mad about it. I don’t want to download the apps right now – it’s where I met my ex, and it feels a bit too triggering – so this is ideal.
At the start of the relationship with my ex, the sex was great. Because I loved him, I felt like I could be completely open with what I like – and what I don’t. I also introduced him to a lot of things – such as using toys – that he hadn’t done before.
But towards the end, our sex life fizzled away and now, I’m horny. I scroll through the DMs and decide who deserves a reply.
Wednesday
I go back to my messages and I decide to reply to one from a guy I refer to as Pen Pal a.k.a best I’ve ever had.
We matched on a dating app a couple of years ago, but he lives in abroad, so we struggled to make it work – despite the multiple orgasms. He kept me company when we texted over the Covid lockdowns, but nothing much came of it.
Now though, I’m single, and he’s in the UK for a few days. He’s asked if I want to meet up tomorrow, and I didn’t hesitate to say yes.
Thursday
While I credit my new medication for turning my life with Crohn’s around, the downside is that they’re immunosuppressants, so I pick up every cough, cold and infection there is going.
Today, I’m full of cold, which means no date with Pen Pal tonight, and I’ve probably missed my chance to see him.
It’s okay though, because another past fling, Sam*, has been messaging me too. We had some amazing dates the last time I was single, but I got a little too tipsy on one fateful night, and asked him to be exclusive. When I know, I know. But, it was too soon for Sam, and the next thing I knew, I was being ghosted.
Now though, he’s telling me he’s made a mistake and wants to meet up. But he needs to grovel some more before I agree to anything.
Friday
It’s my work Christmas party and I’m ready for a big night.
At the party, I have a few cocktails and Sam starts messaging me. He’s telling me what he wants to do to me – and I’m so into it. He wants me to send nudes, but makes do with a description of the sexy lingerie I’ve got back at home.
He’s not been shy about telling me how big he is, and I’ve got to admit, I can’t wait to get into bed with him.
The party is great, and I end up catching the last bus home, only, I fall asleep. I’m woken up by the bus driver who tells me it’s time to get off. I check my phone to see a text from Sam and tell him what happened. He says he’ll pay for an Uber to his house, and of course, I accept.
Once in the Uber though, I convince the driver to take me home first. I’m freshly waxed and ready to go, but when you’ve got Crohn’s you don’t always know what the situation is down there, and I want to feel my best. So, I go home for a quick shower, before getting a cab to Sam’s.
The minute I walk through the door we start kissing and he takes charge, going down on me straight away. Only, that’s about as good as it gets. It turns out Sam had been a little generous when it comes to his skills in the bedroom.
I suggested we try doggy, but it still wasn’t great. In the end I tell him my hips are hurting (a lie), and we give up and cuddle instead. Not quite how I planned on ending my night.
Saturday
I wake up in Sam’s bed this morning, and feel awkward with his arms wrapped around. I may have the ick, and it’s time to leave. The hangover is also hitting hard, and I feel like I might be sick – I can’t wait to get home.
Back on my sofa nursing my hangover, Sam texts me. I knew once we’d had sex, the spark would fade – and it already has.
He asks if I got home okay, and we have a bit of back and forth, but I probably won’t speak to him again, which suits both of us.
At least he scratched an itch, sort of.
Sunday
My birthday is coming up, and it always puts me in a reflective mood. While I work, I listen to one of my favourite playlists, with all my faves: Britney, J.Lo, Whitney, you know the drill.
Ariana Grande’s thank u, next, comes on, and it gets me thinking about my ex. For a while, I really thought he was The One – and it still hurts that it didn’t work out.
But, I really am grateful for him. I find it hard to trust people, but he really helped me open up, and I’m thankful for that.
I can look back on the relationship fondly – but there’ll be no ‘ex sex’ for me, that door is firmly closed.
Monday
Happy Birthday to me!
I don’t have any plans for my birthday until later this week, when I’m having a sleepover and a takeaway with the girls.
So today, I decide to dress up in a ridiculously over the top outfit just to go and pick up my latest prescription. Then, I come home a binge watch Marvel films, before visiting my friend and her new puppy.
Of course, all the ghosts of relationships-past slide into my DMs to wish me a happy birthday. But right now, I really do feel content being single.
I’m looking forward to year of fun, no strings sex, and exploring new horizons. My New Year’s resolution is that I want to go to a sex party – I can’t wait.
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‘Men have a sixth sense – they know when you’re single, and come crawling into the DMs.’