Life does not end at 30, 40 or even 50 (Picture: Emma Rossiter)
Sitting on the sofa, curry on my lap, I patiently waited for one of the girls to ask me the question.
‘So, are you guys officially together then?’ they finally asked.
‘Yes,’ I replied, barely able to keep the euphoric smile off my face. ‘He asked me two weeks ago.’
I’m not sure what I expected. Rapturous applause would have been a bit much. Cheers and confetti, definitely would have been OTT.
But a happy squeal or at the very least some kind words to say ‘that’s amazing news’ would have been nice.
Instead, I got almost a stony silence and just the words ‘aw, that’s nice’.
My heart sank.
For the last two years, whenever we’d met up, conversation had inevitably turned to one of three topics.
Ellie’s* upcoming wedding. Amy’s* house renovation. And my dating life.
On the latter, I’d had very little news for a long time.
For want of a better phrase, I’d practically sworn off dating since things had ended messily with my ex.
I couldn’t have been happier (Picture: Emma Rossiter)
You could say I’d taken a RuPaul approach in turning to loving myself first before loving anyone else.
But now I was ready. And for the last three months I’d got myself back out there.
I’d been on a handful of dates since the start of July and truthfully, they hadn’t all been winners.
One guy ghosted me after I beat him at mini-golf. Another was only interested in bedding me. So, I was quite quick to narrow my search down to two.
Before long, one of the boys in contention pulled miles ahead of the other. With him I felt safe, like I could truly be myself and open up in a way I hadn’t been able to do in a long time. Not even with my ex.
Naturally, it wasn’t long before we became exclusive and then defined the relationship with those elusive ‘boyfriend, girlfriend’ labels.
I couldn’t have been happier. The only thing that would make it better and cement our new relationship would be to share the exciting news with my friends.
To see them give such a dry, dismissive and non-response to my news, hurt (Picture: Emma Rossiter)
So here I was, waiting eagerly to share my updated status.
It took a minute for the conversation to come around to me – in the same month that I’d started dating again my friends had exciting news to share of their own.
Ellie was now pregnant with baby number two and Amy had got engaged.
I was so excited for both of them.
I had practically leapt off my bed in excitement when Amy shared the pic of her sparkling ring and got all misty-eyed thinking about Ellie’s growing bump.
It’s a shame I can’t say that the same enthusiasm was shown when it finally came time to share my news.
‘Is that it?’ I thought to myself when they finally responded.
Surely, I deserved some kind of jolt of excitement from my mates?
To see them give such a dry, dismissive and non-response to my news, hurt.
Even though I hadn’t uttered a word, my face must have shown my disappointment at their response because they were quick to jump to their own defence.
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‘It is nice,’ the other agreed. ‘But it’s different now isn’t it? We’re older.’ Said one of them.
They didn’t need to continue; I knew exactly what they were getting at.
A new boyfriend or relationship is exciting news when you’re 17. We were quick to jump online and – I am showing my age here – update our Facebook statuses.
But just a decade later and that news is just, well, underwhelming compared to proposals, weddings and baby announcements.
In fact, in this instance, it wasn’t even deemed newsworthy to my pals at all and that stung.
I already felt like I was behind.
That at 27 I should already be in a serious relationship, if not engaged, or have my own house, not just be starting fresh with a new man.
But I didn’t have any of those things. I wasn’t even close.
I already felt like I was behind (Picture: Emma Rossiter)
This feeling definitely wasn’t helped by the knowledge that, at 27, my mum had been married for three years, was a homeowner and she’d just had me.
Granted it was a different time – my mum even remarks that my nan called her a ‘geriatric mum’ at 27, which is ludicrous and probably makes me (and by proxy, my eggs) no good – but that doesn’t stop me from feeling the pressure.
The last thing I ever expected though was for my friends to perpetuate those pressures – to make me feel like my new relationship had no merit until there was a ring on my finger.
Let me be clear, I do not agree with this sentiment of being behind at all.
I have spent far too much time in the last few years worrying about it, and it is a constant battle to remind myself that I am just on a different timescale than my friends and there is nothing wrong with that.
I still have ample time to do all the things I want to do: travel, have a great career, buy a house, get married and have kids (ideally in that order but I can be flexible).
I still have ample time to do all the things I want to do (Picture: Emma Rossiter)
Life does not end at 30, 40 or even 50.
But my friends’ dismissive attitude to my relationship really opened my eyes to just how much pressure there is. And that needs to change.
We should be celebrating everything, not just the big moments in life like weddings and babies, but the seemingly ‘little’ wins too.
Thankfully, despite their originallyresponse, both Ellie and Amy have now accepted our relationship and get on well with my new man, though I’d be lying if I said conversations about the future haven’t already come up with them.
Just last week, Ellie’s husband asked if my boyfriend was planning on moving to my area and another friend’s family member asked us when we were having kids!
My response to the latter was, ‘we’re not there yet, but we’re having a lot of fun practising.’
And we really are having fun in every sense of the word. I just wish my friends had given me the same enthusiasm for my news as I have given theirs.
There might be no ring or baby carriage, but I’m happy, and surely that’s something worth celebrating.
*Names have been changed
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I am just on a different timescale than my friends and there is nothing wrong with that.
