Sex column: ‘I kissed my best friend’s husband at their wedding – now everyone hates me’getty
To find out your partner cheating is one thing, but to find out it happened on your wedding day is quite another.
As a chief bridesmaid, this reader should have been supporting her best friend on her big day – but she ended up snogging the groom.
Now, our reader has been ousted by her friendship group, and she wants back in.
Before you go, read last week’s dilemma, where a reader shared how her cheating husband wanted to make their marriage work for the kids – but he wouldn’t stop seeing his ‘dynamite in bed’ mistress.
The problem…
Two months ago, I was chief bridesmaid at my best friend’s wedding. It was a lavish affair with an amazing reception afterwards.
I have always secretly had strong feelings for the groom, a guy I’ve known since childhood and who I actually introduced to my friend in the first place.
Long story short, I got horribly drunk at the reception and ended up in a passionate clinch with the groom, who was also worse for wear. Unfortunately, we were spotted, and the bride found out.
Since then, she has refused to speak to me, although I‘ve apologised profusely, both in writing and in person. What kills me is that he was just as much in the wrong as me, and yet he seems to have got off scot-free.
They have recently moved to a new home a few miles away, and all my other friends have been there and say what a lovely life they have.
Everyone is weird with me about it and seems to be on her side. I feel like I’ve suddenly become an outcast in our group, and it upsets me every day. Now I’ve discovered that the newlyweds are having a big housewarming party and of course, I’m not invited. How can I get back in favour with everyone, so I don’t feel terrible for the rest of my life?
Laura says…
What exactly is making you feel terrible? The fact that you (and the groom) did just about the most awful thing to your ‘best’ friend on her wedding day, or the fact that you feel like an outcast and are not invited to her housewarming?
Are you honestly surprised you’re not welcome?
I’ll agree with you on one thing. The groom also behaved appallingly and appears, on the surface at least, to have been forgiven. But you don’t know that for sure; perhaps she gave him merry hell behind the scenes, and he may have successfully blamed the whole unfortunate episode on drink, and on you.
Your ex-friend has only just married so I’m guessing she doesn’t want a divorce straight away and perhaps that’s understandable. But frankly, from where I’m sitting, she’s making a huge mistake by staying with this guy. If he can cheat on his wedding day, I’m not sure how she is ever going to be able to trust him – but that’s something she is clearly prepared to deal with.
Two things can happen here. Firstly, time is a great healer and perhaps eventually, the frost will thaw, and you’ll be able to resume a normal friendship, both with her and with the rest of the group. You might need to cut down on your drinking; at the very least, don’t drink so much that you lose control of your actions and do things you regret.
Secondly, maybe you just need to move on and make new friends; and if you do, then promise yourself you’ll be a better friend this time around.
I know which I think is more likely to happen.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
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‘Are you honestly surprised?’