‘I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to my father because I was drunk’

Alec Booker, inset right, has been sober for nearly a year after a tumultuous relationship with alcohol (Pictures: Alec Booker)

When Alec Booker found out his father was gravely ill, he reached for a gin and tonic. Several drinks later, he woke up to the news his father had died.

‘I missed my one and only chance to say a final goodbye to him because I was drunk’ Alec admits.

The 34-year-old, who is now 10 months sober, has bravely fought to reclaim his life after struggling with alcohol for years. His battle began as a child in the village of Cranleigh in Guildford, Surrey, where his father had a big influence.

Over the years the family moved about, but wherever they went there was always one ever-present and dangerous houseguest: alcohol.

Alec says: ‘I didn’t understand what alcohol was as a child. But I knew I rarely ever saw an afternoon or evening without my father having a drink in hand or close by.

‘It became kind of normal for me to see alcohol, to be around it and its effects. I had my first taste of alcohol at two-years-old at a family get-together in Jersey. My grandmothers’ friend gave me a sip of her gin and tonic before my mother stopped her. 

‘This always used to bring about the comparison of “like father like son” due to my father’s heavy drinking from a young age.’

Alec in 2005 as he was leaving secondary school and studying to become a chef (Picture: Alec Booker)

Alec’s father Kevin was a chef and would routinely come in from work and immediately crack open a beer or pour himself a whiskey and ginger ale.

‘He would then continue to drink until he fell asleep, often dropping his glass,’ Alec adds.

‘It wasn’t until much later down the line – in fact almost 20 years – that I realised my father was “an alcoholic” and that he used drink as a crutch to help him get through life.

‘I, like most young men at that time, idolised my father and wanted to be just like him. Little did I know that I was going to realise that dream and watch it turn into a complete nightmare.’

Alec, who lives in Cumbria, followed in his father’s footsteps and studied to become a chef. He drank with friends throughout his teenage years and with colleagues at work. Back then, his drinking was controlled, it felt fun.

Alec at a house party in 2012, drinking to unwind after a hard shift in the kitchens (Picture: Alec Booker)

But a workplace accident on a rainy day in 2016 soon turned Alec’s life upside down. He’d come back into the kitchen after a break when he slipped and smashed his head off a wall and chipped the bone in his knee.

After he recovered in hospital he was spent some time walking with a crutch. Once home, he’d found a new ‘crutch’; alcohol.

‘I became resentful, bitter, and angry, lashing out at people and drinking heavily to numb the physical pain but to also escape the psychological pain of losing my job and ending a career up until that point I loved,’ Alec admits. 

‘Due to the accident, my mobility suffered and as a result of my heavy drinking and poor diet my weight rose alarmingly high, so much so that I am actually now registered disabled because of it.’

Alec’s kitchen was soon overflowing with cider, gin, vodka, strong lagers and red wine, while his wallet was fast becoming empty.

‘I thought if I bought expensive, quality booze I wasn’t like an alcoholic I was a more connoisseur. But this was just flawed thinking,’ he remembers.

Alec took this selfie during his heaviest drinking in the years 2018-2019 (Picture: Alec Booker)

‘With the expensive tastes came a hefty price tag. That’s when I decided I could buy cheaper – and more – from local supermarkets. 

‘The once warm tingle and laughter associated with meeting up for a few drinks with friends, turned into drinking heavily at home.’

By November 2018, Alec’s father was battling cancer which had spread through his liver, lungs, Lymph nodes and bloodstream. A month later, things reached a head when Alec’s father Kevin was transferred to Cockermouth Community hospital to Carlisle’s Cumberland Infirmary on Christmas Day. 

‘We got news that he was likely going to pass away in the next few days,’ remembers Alec. ‘I began the day at 9.30am with a gin and tonic and didn’t stop drinking until I passed out. I was woken by the news that at 1.47am on Boxing Day, my father had passed away.

Alec followed in his father Kevin’s footsteps to become a chef (Picture: Alec Booker)

‘I missed my one and only chance to say a final goodbye to him because I was drunk.

‘After that alcohol became that coping mechanism. It helped me to suspend my belief in the fact that he wasn’t here anymore. I became completely oblivious to life.’

Alec continued drinking throughout the subsequent years, including the pandemic. He saw relationships deteriorate as his addiction continued. 

‘I lost acquaintances and friends I had known for years,’ he admits. ‘My family relationships became rocky as well, I became snappy, over sensitive and would have everyone treading on eggshells around me.’

In 2022, Alec decided to see a doctor for a medical issue, and discovered he had a polyp. The growths, found inside of a body, are often harmless – but can become cancerous.

He says: ‘I realised at that moment, I had become just like my father. His cancer was discovered in the same way and his lifestyle had contributed to his diagnosis.

Alec has forged a new path without alcohol and is now on a mission to inspire others to do the same (Picture: Alec Booker)

‘But I got off lucky, the polyp showed signs of pre-cancerous cells but hadn’t developed yet and was able to be removed. That is when I decided enough was enough, I had to change, I had to get sober.

‘I discovered Alcohol Change and their Dry January challenge and thought I’d give it a bash.’

Alec’s ‘bash’ at going alcohol-free is still going strong nearly a year later. He’s immensely proud of his new, sober chapter of life.

Now, he is studying for a BSc Psychology with Counselling at The Open University and lives with his fiancée and daughter. He hopes to work in clinical psychology, with a particular focus on substance misuse rehabilitation.

With the fog now lifted, Alec has a better insight into his own – and society’s wider – unhealthy attitudes towards alcohol.

He believes he experienced an ‘Alpha’ mentality surrounding nights out when he first began work as a chef. Not drinking could be seen as a ‘black mark’ against his masculinity and Alec feared being shunned or ridiculed for choosing lemonade over lager.

‘The pub was a social place to gather and have a laugh. For me socialisation become synonymous with drinking,’ he explains. ‘Now that I reflect on it, it was pretty toxic behaviour. 

‘We were an almost primal-like group of gorillas beating their chests to assert dominance, but I wouldn’t want to insult a gorilla’s intelligence. We were young and stupid.’

With society’s views towards booze shifting, ranges of alcohol-free drinks and ‘sober nights’ are becoming more popular.

Research from Alcohol Change UK, the charity behind Dry January, recently revealed that amongst UK adults, 30% of men and 26% of women would like to reduce the amount of alcohol they drink in 2024. The new figures come as one in six UK adults – (16%) – plan to take a break from alcohol this January.

Alec adds: ‘Each individual circumstance is completely unique. However, in my experience, it is very often the case that the alcoholic is the last person to know that they have a problem. 

‘I am sad to say that some of my friendships have been lost forever. But I am lucky that through hard work, honest talking and a lot rebuilding trust, I have managed to forge a better relationship with my mum and brothers and a stronger relationship with my fiancée Barbara.

‘Talking about something like this really does help.’

READ MORE: Dry January 2023: Seven new alcohol-free drinks to enjoy sober

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‘I thought if I bought expensive, quality booze I wasn’t like an alcoholic.’