Rowan Megan Whitehead and her children (Credits: Getty Images/Rowan Megan Whitehead/iStockphoto)
Welcome back to How I Parent, where we get a glimpse into how the nation is raising their kids.
This week we’re chatting to Rowan Megan Whitehead, a 36-year-old mum based in Cardiff, who leads the Facebook group Bridging the Gap. The online space is dedicated to providing support for mums and marginalised genders facing challenges in household labour division or receiving little assistance from their husbands and partners at home.
‘I started Bridging the Gap as a support group in 2019, after getting so frustrated that social media groups were normalising the mother martyr dynamic and that things were imbalanced in many relationships,’ she says.
Rowan’s group Bridging the Gap has helped the way she parents (Picture: Rowan Megan Whitehead )
‘Many women are working, or providing huge amounts of unpaid labour and extra mental load. It means women are drowning and it’s not OK.’
What started as a simple group with a few friends now has over 40,000 members and gets over 100 member requests each day.
Part of the group is Bridging Future Gaps, where mums discuss how to model equitable behaviours for their little ones.
Rowan, who co-parents her two children with their father, shares this is crucial for modern parenting and reveals that it has significantly benefited her parenting practices.
The group has Bridging Future Gaps to help parents with children (Picture: Rowan Megan Whitehead)
‘My children know they have responsibilities like always putting their dishes in the kitchen and their clothes in the machine and they help with cooking,’ she explains.
‘Although I am a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type mum, I want them to know it’s not my job to clean up after everyone, and that it’s all our responsibility to keep the living spaces decent.’
She tells Metro.co.uk her son is particularly interested in the group: ‘We talk about current events, women having equity and boundaries.’
Rowan has a team of moderators that support her in managing the group (Picture: Rowan Megan Whitehead)
While a lot of the group focuses on household gaps, Rowan also thinks it’s a great source of validation for mums to learn about parenting.
‘Mental load is becoming more recognised, even though so much of the labour is invisible,’ Rowan explains.
‘Men are conditioned to not feel good at domestic tasks and not feel overall responsibility and these are really hard cycles to break.
‘We talk about modelling mums resting, playing, and prioritising themselves, rather than being seen as superheroes who can just do it all. We also advocate for teaching that everyone in a household needs to contribute.’
Rowan says her children have benefitted from her managing the group (Picture: Rowan Megan Whitehead)
Rowan says that many of the mums in the group feel isolated or at a loss with how to deal with doing most of the household load.
‘I was shocked at the amount of extreme posts we received and how bad the imbalance was for so many.
‘While we cannot help those in abusive relationships, we can signpost and validate, and hopefully give them the support and courage they need to take the next steps.’
Rowan says that some men have tried to sneak into the group to see what is being spoken about, but she has a large moderator team from around the world that vets new members and supports existing ones.
She also feels that if partners or husbands are spying then they need to address why the group has been created in the first place.
‘If men want to know what’s going on in the group then I would ask them to do their own research as there are great accounts out there by men and women discussing these issues, and they can follow Bridging the Gap’s public platforms.
‘But they also need to realise that things are changing, women know we deserve far more now and it’s going to help everyone to have equitable relationships in the long run.’
The group hosts questions, rants and positive posts about parenting and household division (Picture: Rowan Megan Whitehead)
Rowan feels that because of the group’s strong community, it has helped her parenting and personal life immensely.
‘It’s been life-changing for me, I’ve really learnt in the last few years that to be the best mum and person, I have to put the work in. I’ve worked hard on recognising my needs and articulating them, and I’m definitely rediscovering myself.
‘I’ve had some counselling and I’ve got back to Aerial, and been out dancing, climbing and the beach.
‘It helps with awareness of what I’m modelling to my children and what I want to teach them too.’
Her hopes for the future remain focused on the group, helping mums with bridging gaps and assisting them to be the best parent they can be.
‘Alongside other amazing influencers who are doing the same, I want the message to spread as far as possible. In the future, we would love to do training for workplaces, schools, universities, online and in-person seminars and workshops to help with Bridging the Gap,’ she says.
‘I love how new ideas keep coming up, it’s often overwhelming, but never boring!’
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‘It’s not my job to clean up after everyone.’