Writer Jess Austin taking one for the team (Picture: Metro.co.uk)
I’ve always felt relatively smug when flicking through photos from my teens with friends.
Sure, I had eyelashes like spiderwebs, weighed down by layers upon layers of mascara. Yes, my hair was backcombed to a ridiculous degree. Of course my eyebrows were plucked.
But not only was my face free of Dream Matte Mousse – importantly – so were my lips. I don’t know how, but I escaped the trend du jour of making my mouth invisible.
Until today.
It seems, unfortunately, that the beauty fad known as ‘concealer lips’ is back in style.
And as much as I want to avoid it – along with the return of whale tails, visible nipples and duck nails – I felt, like any good journalist, I should try it out for myself before condemning it wholeheartedly.
Seeking advice from friends who fell victim to the ‘look’ at the time, I was told to apply my concealer liberally to my lips and wait for the transformation.
Except, when I waved the wand across my lips, one word popped into my head: Dry.
The offending products (Picture: Jess Austin)
I don’t know how the teens of 2010 did it. It has to be one of the most unpleasant sensations.
There was no smacking my lips to even out the application – it just felt claggy. I diluted my normal concealer with some more liquid foundation and found a bit more balance.
With that, the look was complete. I looked like the un-dead.
Lips, be gone (Picture: Jess Austin)
It was a sentiment echoed by colleagues who commented that I looked ‘quite ill’. Another suggested that I might have hypothermia.
To be honest, in certain lights, I didn’t think it looked too bad. That was until I looked in a full length mirror. Something about seeing my face, completely devoid of colour, contrasted with my blue jumper made me cackle. That was the moment it struck me how ridiculous this trend really is.
As the hours past and I went about my day – drinking tea and eating noodles at my desk – my lips started to flake. With every re-application, my lip texture looked more and more grotty. Flaky. Crisp.
Jess as a teen, sans concealer lips (Picture: Jess Austin)
I was embarrassed walking around, pinching my mouth shut for fear of judgement. I felt paranoid. Were people staring at my lips? Did this colour (or lack thereof) make my teeth look yellow?
The only upshot was that when a spot popped up on my chin, mid morning, I could use some of the excess from my lips to cover it.
Other 90s and noughties trends having an alarming revival
Low rise jeans. Thank God we’re yet to spot them with a visible G-string, but we’ll be sticking to high-waisted, tummy hugging cuts for now.
Disc belts. You know, those circular ones that make you look like you’ve won a wrestling match? Kudos to anyone who can pull these off. Alas, we at team Metro are not so chic.
Rhinestones. They’re everywhere. On tops. On faces. Don’t you dare sweat or wash your clothes, because they will fall off.
Jumpers will fake collars. See also, a fake little strip of ‘shirt’ hanging out of the bottom. One plus: you get two looks for one as the cossie livs bites.
Skirts over trousers. AKA Skousers. Vogue says they’re back, and who are we to question Vogue? We will not be partaking, though.
I planned to bed down for the day, to stick with it, and wait for my friend’s reaction at dinner, but I couldn’t do it. By 3pm, I needed freedom from this barrier to lip moisture.
After some ferocious scrubbing, it was off, and so not to buckle completely, I applied a nude lipstick; a compromise.
A natural nude = much better (Picture: Jess Austin)
I’m more of a red girl myself, but after a day devoid of colour, it felt wonderful to be able to see my lips again.
I’m now more certain than ever that this is one fashion trend that needs to be consigned to the history books. Backcombing, however…
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One word: dry.